16 December 2007

But It's Just A Thin Mint

I was invited this year to Bakeapalooza. I thought it was a joke at first but found out it was a yearly baking party bonanza. Some events chronicled below, may or may not be completely fabricated. Or not.

I manage show up to show up 30 minutes late with Lolo and coffee in hand. I forgot all my baking supplies packed neatly and ready to go, right next to my fridge. Duh.

I was going to try my hand at fudge but fate was against me when I had hair to curl and makeup to put on. Oh, and a barfing neighbor girl, but I digress...

I did meet LoveyH and Fooferoo. I also caught up with Avery "I Don't Bake But I Happen To Make Killer Oatmeal Butterscotch Cookies" Gray. There were 6 kids between us which made for a merry house. The kiddies went about their playing and rough-housing while us womenfolk played bakery all morning and half the afternoon.

Avery immediately declared herself inept at baking ~cough, whatever, cough, cough~ as she began tearing down recipes.

Whipping, mixing, spatulizing, measuring, sifting, and baking like a Julia Child Eat-My-Frosting.

Avery and I always make each other crack up until we are snorting. We shared the merits of buying cookies at Safeway and discussed in length why she wore her $4,000 Bergdorf Goodman shirt to bake in. She also cooks in heels and diamonds. June Cleaver would be so proud.

I finally met Avery's son who mutually enjoyed my daughter's company. Lolo, being the four year old sociable tart she is, became enamored by Avery's son, Ethan, to whom she just today declared her future husband. This being possible only if she was willing to recant a previous vow to me about the youngest Dapoppins boy, "I want the little one so we could kiss better". Apparently I need to explain that she is not to be married anytime soon, regardless of her intent to look the boy straight into the eyes before swapping spit.

LoveyH was the perfect Hostess With The Mostest, declaring herself OCD, evident with the most amazingly spotless and beautiful home. She baked like a pro and easily retained her crown for Baking Aficionado Extraordinaire as she whipped out approximately 400 cookies while mopping her ceiling and arranging her color coded pantry by food groups. She only stopped briefly to place flammable objects on the hot stove.

Gee, Do you smell something burning?
The woman has skilz, I'm just saying.....

Fooferoo declared herself very little as the other three of us blabbed loudly about hair, wild escapades of days long gone, collecting dishes, marrying for money, and how I believe Splenda is the devil. Fooferoo appeared the quiet type at first, but it wasn't long before she started table dancing, doing body shots, and belting out Britney's latest ♫ ♪ into spatulas. She also makes the most amazing chocolate peanut butter pretzely things.

Hmm, pretzely things. How I love a good blogger meet.

My only concern is how can I get more BFF names in ink to fit next to my young Elvis tattoo on my backside?(cause old Elvis' muttonchops took up too much room).


Anonymous said...

Cajun potholders! Nice! I made those once when I was a teenager.

Anonymous said...

that sounds completely fun!

Anonymous said...

Ummm...when did I mop the ceiling? I missed a spot.

Avery didn't send you home with the brownies on purpose--she took half and left me to divvy up the rest with Fooferoo and me. Which left Foo 4.

Somewhere, Avery's in a sugar coma and she can't climb out.

Anonymous said...


For the rcord, Avery bar-b-qued my potholder. Just saying, is all...

Anonymous said...

Recipes...I think you should post some recipes for those of us not cool enough to be there! Make us feel like a part of it...

Anonymous said...

yes. i think it is not right that you talk about butterscotch ANYTHING without posting a recipe. i mean C'MON! i can SMELL them! why must you torture!!!

and splenda? so not the devil. i pretty much ONLY don't have diabetes because of splenda. god bless you splenda.

although i did try to bake with it once and that was sucky.

Anonymous said...

Now THAT sounds like fun! We got a spiffy new Kitchen Aide mixer last week and I plan on firing that baby up today for some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. MMMMMMMMM

We need more Okie bloggers!

Anonymous said...

hmmmm....will your tatt go next to the mermaid on your upper arm?

love those bakathons, love that friendly competition. next year I'll come and blow the doors off the oven in addition to melting the entire kitchen

Anonymous said...

Hmppph, I believe it a wooden spoons I was singing into, not spatulas.

Anonymous said...

I'm afraid to turn my oven on. It's never been done.

Anonymous said...

Why I didn't see a single fabrication! Events transpired exactly as you claim. Yep. Sure did.

I heart me some Bee.

P.S. Next time I'll actually send some of the brownies I made home with you. That would be good, right?

Bee said...

You just heart me cause I'm stoopid.

Just in case, it's the two round buttons at the top.

Mix me baby, one more time!

I'll blow up 30 oven doors and melt mine and my neighbors kitchen. Besides I had the first ever mermaid tattoo.
aunt jo,
the mixer is AWESOME. I use mine for pretty much anything, including threshing my own wheat and casing my own sausage. Oh, and making Gluten for dinner.

Splenda is the devil. It's REAL sugar cooked in chlorine. I think it gives people diabetes, cause only the diabetics in my family eat it.

I'll have to bug Avery for her recipe. They were very good.

OH, darn the brownies. Were they good? Darn it they looked good, too. Avery left the stove on but I recall it was you who decided you liked the smell of burnt pot holder. Why can't you smoke doobies like the rest of us moms. Sheesh. (okay, that's a joke, ya'll)

Too bad you don't like closer....we'd have some fun.

haha, I've made my share of burnt everything when I had a flat top stove..hehe.

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