30 May 2008

Might As Well Face It You're Addicted To Blog

I woke up this morning with an epiphany of a blog. I'd thought I'd write and tell my loyal blogs how much I blog what I do. How writing every day has changed my blog for the better.

I was introduced to blogging by a friend over 4 blogs ago. I had no blog it would be so much fun. I get to write and expand that creative blog of me that I discovered lying dormant for so blog.

I’m a woman who can't wait to pound on her blog every morning. Ever since my blogs went back to school, I get online and write away to my blog's content. Now everything I do has turned into an hobby of creative blogging. I can’t turn around without thinking, "That could go in my blog!".

I hear a blog on the radio. Coldplay singing of the "Speed of Blogs" or the Ting Tings rocking out, "Shut up and Let Me Blog". I turned on my TV and I see McBlogger on Grey's Anatomy or blue-mouthed Gordon Ramsey yelling to the blogs on Hell's Kitchen, "SHUT the BLOG UP!" I can't stop thinking about the blog of my next post. It's always at the forefront of my blog what I can post next.

Maybe I should just get out of my house, jump in my blog and take the blogs to Blogs R Us. This weekend I may just take them to the park. They love to blog on the slide to get some fresh blog in their lungs. I typically end up seeing a photo op and whip out my camera and start taking blogs.

I know I shouldn’t be so blog on myself for exploring this side of me and enjoying what I do. I have very little outlets to meet other blogs like me, with four blogs and a wonderful Mr. Blog. And it keeps me fueled by that glorious morning brew I call blog.

Maybe I am making this into a blog deal. Do you think I’m a blog addict? I blog not.

This week I hope to blog to this laundry and the kitchen needs to be worked over with a fine tooth blog. My house is not too messy (no one likes a dirty blog, you know) so bring on the sunshine! I will make sure to get blog to you later.

Till then,
Blog

~Bee likes blogging almost as much as coffee

29 May 2008

What The French, Toast?

Dear Gas Station Store Manager,

As a frequent visitor to your store, I feel it is my duty to report an issue I have with your establishment.

I am happy to report that your store is tidy, clean, and appreciate the employees consistently greeting me and my kids with a smile. I've found your employees unusually friendly for the customer service industry, and efficient with the tasks at hand.

However, I do have a small issue with your candy area that I'd like to address. Have it be know that I also have issue with your Gorilla Burgers that are good enough to make angels sing in glorious unison and are the sole reason I am not losing weight as fast as I'd prefer, but I digress...

It's wonderful to have the candy and gum around the corner from the cash registers, but does it have to be here?

Sincerely,
Bee, Marketing Professional





Yes, folks. That's Skoal chewing tobacco in direct eyeball view below the Big League chewing gum. Gum chew to tobacco chew? Watch. By next week, they'll be giving out fake oxycodone's and x-small prison uniforms to the first 50 kids buying Slurpees.

~Bee is a good clean feeling, no matter what.

27 May 2008

Rock My Socks Off

I promised myself I wouldn't youtube any posts, although for this? There is room for an exception. All I could say was, "Holy. Cow."

21 May 2008

I Want My Two Dollars

BLOGGER IS NOW DRAFTY
I'm liking new blogger in draft. Go see, it's what's coming down the pike for our DASHBOARD settings. It's blog design for the template challenged. I rock the custom-designed templates but who wouldn't like simplicity?

I'm especially digging the feature that allows me to see all my sweet peops over the net, posting and popping up on the bloggy radar. This means I can be first to read and comment. And if you can't comment, "FIRSTIES!!!!" every once in a while, what is the purpose of living? I mean, why even get out of bed in the morning?

You can see my blog roll in the left side. It just knows when you update and since I link to amazing peops, everyone else who visits here will know, too.

This concludes Geek Hour. Make sure to get your pocket protector at the door.


MY STIMULUS CHECK IS GOING IN MY GAS TANK
I filed electronically this year. It was the very next day after filing and learning we owe $383, Mr Coffee found a folder of job receipts in his desk. I immediately amended our filing after burying his body. HAHA, no really. It was just his head.

We had calculated an overage and return of $885. I was very happy, unearthed Mr. Coffee, and just mailed the sucker off certified. They received it in late March.

There is a tiny little problem, though. To receive your economic stimulus check, you not only had to file your 2007 taxes, but also have it processed by the IRS by April 15th of this year.

Our first electronic filing was received and processed in March. To date? Our amendment has not.

So, what did the Cogs That Mesh So Effortlessly do at the IRS? Those dim bulbs took out the $383 bucks we supposedly owed and failed to pay. $383 deducted from our stimulus check which is already two weeks late. I checked the IRS site and it says we are scheduled to get what's left of it by Friday.

Once they get around to processing our amendment within the next month (totaling 8 to 12 weeks), we should be getting our refund as well as the $383 they docked. Who's to bet they get that wrong?

Classic IRS run-around. I even think I hear kazoo music.



~Bee will be using her stimulus check to stimulate her bills. How about you?

PS. Kudos to the first person who can name the movie of my post title.

19 May 2008

Striving For Connection

Yesterday I got a call that my Grandpa had died.

It surprised me how upset I am. Not the fact that he is gone, but upset that I didn't know him. I didn't have any contact with him for years, though not for lack of trying. He was also in his 80s, a war veteran, and had some serious health problems. His alcoholism drove his life and I'm convinced it ended his life. It's like a friend told me, "You want to just hit the rewind button..." Boy, do I.

I'm in no way blasting my family (who I will call the Smiths) but the whirlwind of thoughts is almost more than I can bear.

My sadness stems more from the fact that the Smith's are so entirely constipated over who is right, who is wrong, and although not saying blatantly, "I don't give a crap about the rest of the family", all the actions taken by us scream this very sentiment. And loudly.

It started when family immigrated here in the 1880's, both my GrGrGrandparents marrying against parents wishes and running off to America. This separation from family is visible over years and years of Smith history. Family scattered across the United States with each and every generation. Losing touch. Disconnected.

I see how easy it is for those with Smith blood to just call it quits when relationships get difficult. I'm not saying impossible relationships or those you cannot nurture. I'm speaking more of difficult relationships that take time to get back on track but could with some emotional elbow grease. Relationship is communication.

Even in my sibling circle, disregarding family is prevalent. Sure when one is single, a body can say have the right to be selfish. That's fine. Singles can say if or when they date, where they live, where they work, or if this Saturday they won't be climbing out of bed till noon. It's a single's life to have that prerogative.

Granted, responsibility to kids, or something like job obligations cannot be avoided. Those things take time away from our loved ones. This is life.

However, Grandpa dying in state custody with no family in sight. It's unconscionable. What the hell is wrong with us Smiths?

To go awol for weeks and have the rest of the family unable to contact you (let alone in an emergency)? This is not selfish at all. It's flat out pricky, wrong, and perpetuates the dysfunction in the family. How hard is it to say hello, and let people..even if just one person know, that you are alive and well? How hard is it to say a happy mother's day to the moms in the family? Send a birthday card? Get together for coffee once in a blue moon?

The flip side you hear from the marrieds. Busy with kids, working parents, PTA meetings, jobs, soccer practice, church obligations, in laws...just freaking broke to drive across town and spend a little time with Grandma. I experience the busy-ness of life when I look up at the calendar and weeks have gone by. Weeks since I've communicated with a relative outside my own household. I admit that I am guilty in this.

Busy-ness is still not justifiable in my mind to not keep in touch. I've been told that I talk too long on the phone. It's easy for me when I only talk to my siblings once in four to five months. This is not unreasonable expectation to keep in touch. This is why I email. This is why I call, or myspace, or facebook. I love my extended family, difficult relationships or not.

My Grandpa's death brought this all to a head in my mind last night. It didn't help that I called my sister and her phone was disconnected. Disconnected. It just made me hurt more..bawling my eyes out. This is my point. Disconnected family.

I'm not an idealist in how I view my relatives. Connection is how relationships SHOULD be. It's just a little hard for me to envision it when one is not talking to another, so-and-so is being distant, this person got married and I hear only 6 months later. I am hellbent to change this separatist pattern in my kids.

So, yeah. I feel sad. I will miss him. It bothers me more, not that he is gone but that my Grandfather died so alone. If anything it burns in me, drives me to teach my kids what a functional family truly is.

Connected.


This cannot be asking too much.

18 May 2008

Their Is Know Try Only Dew

I've complained before about my writing grammar. My spelling is good, but I admit to being a novice in the grammar department. I was in my thirties before I discovered the love of writing. What a difference three years makes....

I've enrolled in college for the fall (GO ME!!). Now picking out classes and such, I've decided to kick things into gear by taking some grammar classes. In the meantime, I'm in a quest for knowledge. I discovered myself lapping up information on Grammar Girl.com. This website makes me feel especially ignorant.

I had a dream once that the amazing blogger Scarlet gave me the Best Blogger Spelling Award. I remember thinking it unfortunate that it wasn't a Best Grammar Award. She is highly educated so in my dream it made perfect sense. She had noticed my ignorance in such things and redirected her attentions in a positive way with the Best Spelling Award. She is cool that way, dreams or otherwise.

In the days following, I got an email. I had published a story to a website that displays public submissions. To my dismay it also displays public critique (aka. writers getting spanked publicly).

I thought to myself that I must be a dunce. How very stupid of me to think I could run with the best of them? Me. The Woman Who Made Many An English Teacher Roll In Their Grave.

It's okay. I continue with bad grammar, and they roll back over.

"Comma splice, run on sentences", was my critique. I was wounded to the core, and (see my NON comma splice here) if there was a way to send a virtual finger, I might have been tempted to tell Mr English Major that he is number 1.

I'll show you a comma splice...

I want to yell, "I know big words. Lots of words.....like mellifluous and indefatigable. I have the Genius Edition of Magnetic Poetry on my sparkly white fridge! I read my thesaurus for fun, you cretin! That counts for something!"

I never asked for his critique. It wasn't as if he was a childhood friend who coincidentally gave me the same, but far gentler critique a few days ago.

You see, I had asked for her positive input. She is a good friend and reads my blog. Not once couched in her sentiments was there any mention of commas or splicing, let alone the loud and brash, "COMMA SPLICE, RUN ON SENTENCES!". She had gently reminded me that readers want short and long sentences. I was happy to hear this and in turn, I did not want to throw a Websters Museum Edition dictionary at her head. I did not want to tell her to get lost. I did not tell her that she was a virtual number 1.

However, instead of wallowing in my own blogger misery, I will focus on the grammatically-correct Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try."

I would bet though, he never wrote a comma splice in his life either.

~Bee is an indefatigable soul intent on writing mellifluous prose.

13 May 2008

My Sixth Sense Says You Are Moded

I woke up feeling better this morning ~coffee now!~ and reflected on yesterday ~crabby mccrabby pants~. After I posted, I took some quiet time ~biblioholic~. But no matter how much quiet time rejuvenates the soul ~blogging crack~, there is nothing akin to being completely validated ~narcissistic~ when all others think you are certifiable ~PET team~.

"Hon, I'm telling you. That car out there is stolen ~ugly piece of crap~. It's been here nearly two months. The radio is ripped out ~stolen~. The glove compartment is WIDE open ~stolen~. There is mail all over the back seat ~stolen~. I'd bet my life on it..."

Mr Coffee knows me well enough ~E.S.P.~. I get these weird hunches that somehow pan out ~Liberace is gay~.

He sounded surprised ~a man~, "The radio is gone? Like ripped-out gone?"

Mr Coffee agreed as he grabbed his cell phone ~mine's better~ and called the apartment office, "Hi! It's Mr Coffee. Can you run a plate match on a vehicle ~piece of scrap~ and see if it belongs to someone here in the complex?" He read off the plate and description ~do it~.

He smiled at me ~you wanna?~ while she had him on hold on the phone. She clattered on her keyboard ~wants to birth his babies~. No matches ~over my dead body~.

I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly fell out ~as if~. The office somehow jumps to attention when HE talks to them ~EF Hutton~, whereas I am quickly dismissed ~white noise~ like some retard busybody ~neighbor from hell~.

Don't get me wrong, they are really nice women in the office ~condescending~. They are MORE than helpful ~dismissive~ but I've worked in property management~smarter~. I'm also a conscientious, quiet tenant that pays rent ~will own your job~ . The thing is, they get paid to act on property issues ~lazy~.

I don't ~unemployed mother and college student~.

I know what you are thinking ~nuh-huh~. You think I'm one of those neighbors ~busybody~. Well, yes and no ~yes~. I would be more like the neighbor ~killing machine~ that uses the guise of PTA meetings ~flippy mom hair~, baked cookies ~bribes~ for the local kids, and a 1996 minivan ~piece of crap~ as a facade for her secret agent job ~scissor kicking heads~.

I notice people ~unwadding~. I remember things ~nekkid parents, age 7~. Last week I informed the office that a lady was rummaging through the recycle bins ~arsewipe~. Sure enough, she was stealing for ID theft ~jail bait~.

The office recommended ~pushed off~ that Mr Coffee call the police ~Superman~. Dispatch said an officer would be out and suddenly, the manager shows up ~saving face~, "I know who owns that car.."

I knew she wasn't being honest ~pants on fire~. Not deliberately spiteful or rude but because she was escorting a woman ~big cheese~ around the property (little did I know, from the mortgage company). My 5 year old ~blabber bob~ was excited and blurted the news to the manager and mortgage lady. It was a very awkward moment ~insert crickets~ and the manager ignored me ~saving face~ and whisked the mortgage lady away ~dollar signs~.

The police did show up. The car was stolen over a month ago ~told you so~.

And the manager? She's avoiding me today ~got crow?~ because just as my eight year-old self ~blabber bob~ loved to proclaim, "She is totally moded!"

I'd be embarrassed, too with two months of egg on my face. ~totally moded~

~Bee loves parking validation ~not crazy but close~

****
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(pun intended)
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12 May 2008

Grump, The Other, Other Dwarf

I'm not feeling very funny today. In fact, I'm in a pretty bad mood. Blogging makes it all better.

Mother's Day was lovely. Today I have to do all the work that wasn't done yesterday plus today's chores.

Yeah. Happy Mother's Day to you, too.

I did see "Made of Honor" with Dapoppins yesterday. We've done this for two years now, ditching the family and going to see a movie together for Mother's Day. She and I have been friends for 20 years and I still am not used to her talking in the theater. She's just loud enough that patrons turn around to give us the stink-eye.

THEN one Sonic-Eared Patron will whip around at every sound we make. For instance, unnecessary things similar to breathing, blinking, and even sitting wrong.

I stare back at them. I want to tell them I'm going to kill them with my brain. I know it's annoyingly juvenile but it beats a good stabbing or scissor kicking their head into the front row.

I'll be back after my house is clean.

~Bee needs to go to her room until she comes out with a good attitude

05 May 2008

Where Is My Lighter

Nothing is funnier than dollar store crap.

I use the word "crap" sparingly so it is only perfect to reserve it for instances such as this. I don't know how I convolute myself into thinking the place is one stop shopping. Sure, the dollar store is good for yarn or Dutch Cleanser. Who doesn't like a good deal?

But there are some things that aren't a good deal. There are some things that shouldn't even be given away with a buy one, get one free coupon.

Toys.
They last about a penny a minute. Enough said.

Food.
How gross does food have to be to be exclusively sold at the dollar store? The soup cans come in four languages. That's all I'll say about that.

Makeup.
If you were that unusual shade of 'toasted sienna', I don't think you could find a nicer selection of orange foundation.

Incense.
You see, when you purchase some incense, you would believe "Pumpkin Spice" would do the job. There is nothing that smells better than a pumpkin pie. It smells yummy. It wafts up your nostrils and says, "Hey, I'm pumpkin pie. Don't I smell good? I smell better than that dollar store poopy air freshener.

You throw some cinnamon in, or perhaps an appley-rhubarb smell would also work. But NOooooooo. Dollar store crap lives up to it's reputation.

Pumpkin Spice = Baked Hotdogs and Ham.

Not the Honey Baked Bundle of Goodness You Get From Your Accountant At Christmas Ham. This is like overcooked Oscar Meyer lunch meat. I figure the dollar store just needs an interpretation on the label on how it will smell.

Tropical Paradise=Old Spice and Canned Coconut Shoe Deodorizer
Musky Woods=Pleather Naugahyde and Patchouli
Ocean Breezes=Comet Cleanser and Blue Gatorade
Citrus Delight=Watermelon Scratch N Sniff stickers, Jean Nate', and Tang
Sporty Girl=Cotton Towels and Chantilly
At this point? It's better than taking the time to bake a ham.

~Bee sure does smell terrific

04 May 2008

Warning: Sugar Coma Ahead

HOLY COMIC BOOK MOVIES, BATMAN!

Mr Coffee and I saw the new movie Iron Man this weekend.

Out. Standing film.

I say GO! It had a good story, very comic bookish and action packed. Mr Coffee and I are going to buy it when it comes out on DVD. I forgot to mention it was rated PG. How often does that happen? I think most conservatives will love Iron Man only because Tony Stark is a jerk womanizer, alcoholic, and self-absorbed dude who turns from his evil ways after a brush with death by his own inventions.

See? Practically Veggie Tale material.

I'm feeling very sarcastic today. Can you tell?

Mr Coffee has left town again, and back out to work until Thursday. I miss him because he is my friend. We are the rare exception that we laugh and talk daily with each other. We have our days of course, but overall we are pretty much sugar overload. (Right Poopysy Woopsie?)

We have nearly 15 of marriage under our belt and we like AND love each others company. I miss him terribly when we're apart. We will be like those couples that make it in the news for being so dependent on each other. When one of us finally takes a dirt nap, the other will be right by their side within days. Call it soul mates, call it what you will, but we are connected heart and soul. Puffy heart and soul even.

Are you in a diabetic saccharine-sweet coma yet? We have that effect on people.


CRAFTY BROAD AHEAD

I have taken up my knitting needles again. I tend to get bored with projects, says the lady with half a bucket of fabric and yarn. I have to see results otherwise I get bored.

I purchased dollar store yarn last week. It's eyelash yarn and the color is scarlet-orangey red. I can't wait to see it take shape. I only do blankets and scarves because I get the biggest payoff in the shortest amount of time. I'm also going to finish a rag dolly for my niece before she starts college. She's a toddler now, but at this rate I'm going to need some motivation to get it done.

I'm designing templates again. This template at Bee Repartee I made from a two column into three columns. I'm also cooking and knitting. What is my problem? I think I'm having a midlife craft crisis. Next week, I may post on how to thresh your own wheat or how to tap your own maple syrup. I just can't seem to stop myself.

I'm off to macramé some cat hair into a throw rug.....

***

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I'm listed and they give me linky love. Thanks for clicking!


02 May 2008

2G2B4G

If you are an avid techie junkie like me, you might find this little tidbit interesting.

If you are a cell phone user, you will find this little tidbit invaluable.

Say you are out with your cell and need some information. You don't get internet but you get text messages.

Enter Google Mobile

DUN, DUN, DUNNNNN......

and it's a free service, granted you're responsible for any text fees from your cell provider.

This is SO cool:

Send your text to GOOGLE (466453) . For example, (and just throwing this out there):

•movies [zip code]

•kyle chandler's birthday

•stalking laws

•price shrine candles

•is kyle chandler married

•local house for rent with basement

•price duct tape

•price handcuffs


Of course, those are just random off the top of my head. Here are a few more.

DUN, DUN, DUNNNN.....

You get an instant text response from Google.

Now if only Google Mobile text would fork over celebrity addresses, I'd be so happy.

01 May 2008

Burping, TV, and MS Cures

BURPING WITH GOD

Mr Coffee has been out of town this week for work so I've been pulling double duty. I don't mind him being gone except at night. I miss his company terribly.

My daily routine has been the usual, and this week has included mind-boggling questions from the 5 year old,

"Mama, does God can't like it when I burp?"

It took me a few seconds to realize what she was saying. I told her God made our bodies to burp otherwise we'd blow up. She giggled as I reminded her good manners were also warranted. I guess it's better out of the attic than the basement, don't you?

McDREAMY DREAMBOB DOCTOR PANTS

I am a Grey's Anatomy fan. I admit. Who else loves this show?


RIDE FOR THE CURE

My friend is doing his ride this weekend to raise money for curing MS. I donated, and you should too. If everyone gave just $5 he'd make a good deal of moolah for charity. $5 bucks is a cup of coffee or what's at the bottom of your change purse. It's a really good cause. I thank you, thank you....

HUMOR ME

I'll be back to regular posting soon. In the meantime, you can also check out other blogs at humor-blogs.com. I'm listed and they give me linky love. Thanks for clicking!