08 July 2008

Bearded Lady Advising Sucks Like My Math Scores

There is nothing that makes you feel more inadequate than a test. Well, except for an advanced kick-boxing class. Those kick-boxing people really know how to pull the big fat baby out of me. I'm the whiner who cries for mercy from the corner after rolling up in fetal position.

Yes, I am sure of it. Testing for college placement is a close second.

I finished my college placement tests yesterday. After finishing, I went to the front desk lady and stated dryly, "Congratulations. You've finished your testing and you are really stupid." She giggled and assured me everyone feels that way the first time. I did not know there were people in customer service jobs that still had a sense of humor.

Can you guess how I did on the math portion?

I sucked big-time. I didn't even get to trig or calculus. Just the thought of trig made me choke on my own spit. The bright side though? My test scores must have been the more common big-time sucking because I placed in entry level college math. Not bad for being out of school since 1990.

Now the good news. Can anyone guess how I did on the written and comprehension portion?

I am apparently a freaking Harvard English Professor and even induced an eyebrow raising from the front desk lady. She said she was impressed. I think she tells everyone that.

Everyone SMART, that is.

I guess there is more to blogging than just a load of tomfoolery.

After getting my testing results, exchanging recipes and hair-coloring secrets with my new front desk BFFs, I made it up to the advisor. Advisor lady was not helpful and could not care less that I made really good cornbread. On that note, she probably colored her hair from a box. Of Lovin' Care.

Advisor Lady was not my peep and did not have a sense of humor. She seemed more occupied with her rainbow paraphernalia about her cubical and stroking her facial whiskers than helping me determine my class schedule. She quickly showed a list of required classes for the radiology program accompanied with a college booklet. I tried hard not to look at her goatee glinting in the fluorescent lighting which was a less than flattering accentuation of her 'not tan' complexion.

Do I have to figure this all out by myself?

Where was my class scheduling?

What is the difference between Biology 162 and 163?

I need some help here, Advisor Lady, and don't make me get out the mustache trimmer!

Rumor has it, as does the facts stated on the pamphlet she gave me, this particular radiology program is highly competitive. I going to have to bring my 'A' game to class. I'm ready to rumble and if someone wants top honors, you will have to fight me for top dog

Registration doesn't happen until August, so I checked that all my ducks were in a row...pre-registration, financial aid, placement scores, etc...etc.... Until then, I'll be picking out what math and biology classes I'll be taking. Who else is taking Math Idiots 101?

After years of wishing I could go to school, I am thrilled to be going for reals. FURREALS.

~Bee cried happy tears when she registered for college


Anonymous said...

I don't want to mention any names, but I think Janice is taking that class (Love you, Janice :)

LMAO on your description of the counselor interaction. You are brilliant :)

Jaina said...

Congratulations! How exciting! Good for you for doing this. :)

Heffalump said...

Hey, a lot of people end up in lower math classes and have to take two or three of them just to finally be in Math 101, so yay for you! It would suck to pay for math classes you couldn't even get college credit for (that would be me I am sure).
I'm glad you are living your college dreams too! Go Bee!

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Way to go, I'm so excited for you! I'll be going back some day as well, when all the kids are in school. Can't wait!

And I'll be picking a program that doesn't require math. Urgh.

Blank said...

Oh, you'll BE top dog. Mark my words. Everybody mark my words. I know my business. I know whereof I speak. I do not know what "whereof" means exactly, but that never stopped me from saying it before.

Your test scores sound like my test scores, right down to the math.

Screw math. It's a religion anyway, you know. You have to have faith that it's all what they say it is. Oh, sure, X+Y=Z. Wink, wink.

But English, now I ain't got nuttin' against that sh...stuff.

Anyway, I'm excited for you!!! You are going to have a BLAST. And I want to live it vicariously. Seriously, I enjoyed my college years. All 10 of them.

Anonymous said...

I know this journey has been a long time coming for you...as I recall...I remember when it was just a 'dream'...how awesome for you!! And just so you know...when I headed back to school under what was then called 'the displaced homemaker program' (in other words I was a full time wife who had become an ex-wife in the blink of a mistress' eye)...I had to take two remedial math classes....just so you know!!! Go you!! I am very proud of you...and you didn't need a test to confirm your writing talents (grin).

Foo said...

Here's an interesting fact that should make you feel a bit better about your math performance: I minored in math, and I could no sooner do the trigonometry/geometry/calculus stuff than lay an egg. Heck, I could barely do that stuff when I was taking the flipping classes - and why? Because unlike algebra, for which I occasionally find real world applications, they were all so abstract.

Conversely, I scored so high on the English portion of my ACT that I got to skip right over English 101. I obviously have much more aptitude for English than mathematics, which might lead one to wonder how the hell I ended up as a computer programmer. The only thing I can figure is that my facility with language extends to computer languages. Or maybe it's all connected, along with music. I think that's what Douglas Hofstadter was getting at with Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid; but he spent so much time nattering on about mathematics proofs that I never made it all the way through.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Nice. Going back to school takes Ba...Courage. You'll do great!

holly said...

i wish i lived near you. i could help you get your math game on.

there is NO SHAME at all with college level math. lots of college grads can't do college level math. my husband is a lecturer at the local uni. he ONLY got into college because of a loophole around the math thing.

and i think if he could find a loophole around the math thing, he deserves to have gone.

math is really really overrated.

by mathematicians.

R said...

This is awesome. I think I will be doing that in about a year. I hope that by teaching the Oldest Algebra 1 I will have a bit of a refresher. Maybe. When I take tests I stink big time.

I don't know if I can even write anymore.

But---this had me laughing so hard---especially the rainbow counselor with facial hair. So funny.


R said...

And good luck!!!! I know you will rock!

Momo Fali said...

Yay you!!! That's awesome! Congratulations!

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Totally awesome. You're gonna rock the house! You should send that woman a bottle of Neet. Wait, do they still make that stuff?

Doozie said...

Math 101 WHATEVER, you are going to Math 25, and tell them hi from ME when you get there

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hey Bee, forgive me babe I'm on catch up. Yay you're going to college. Blumming fantastic. Hope you get to sit next to the cute guy. I feel just the same about tests, and Maths is evil.

Anonymous said...

Beyond calculating the revenue you pull in from ads on your blog, what's the point of math, really? I think your priorities are dead-on. It's the English language all the way!!


ancient one said...

Yay... Go Bee! I'm sure you'll do just great!

Blank said...

I am now certified. Not insane, not yet, but as a teacher.


Clare said...

Yay that's brilliant :). Congratulations :).

That Janie Girl said...

Congrats, Bee! I'm proud of you.

JaneyV said...

Hi Bee
I thought I'd introduce myself. I came via David's blog about a month ago (the baking powder pits post) and I've been lurking ever since. As lurking is kinda creepy I thought I'd declare my presence once and for all. Especially as I want to say congratulations for this fantastic achievement. I went to college straight out of school and really screwed up badly (my worst scores saw me get under 30% in everything) and I've been doing courses ever since trying to find what I'm meant to do (it's definitely NOT physics). So well done and enjoy the pants out of it when you get there! GO YOU!!

Ryan said...

About college: I would like to say something like "Don't do it!" But it sounds like it's a little late for that. I just got done ... and oh yeah, I'm totally, 100% done with that. No more. No thank you.

It reminds me, do you read Dilbert? If not, http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2008-07-12/

Redneck Mommy said...

That is so great. Good for you.

Anonymous said...

i applaud you going back to school. really i do.

i am intrigued however as to why you would see a counsellor to find out what class/s you will be in.....

Bee said...


You are right...I get them confused.

Advisor = Advising on which classes to take.

Counselor = I think my whole class hates me, I'm going to go eat worms.

Anonymous said...

As one who also scored amazingly well in the English placement and bombed the math placement....well just let me say congratulations and welcome to your college days! It's never too late, you are in good company, (with me and Jenn from Juggling Life)

Anonymous said...

Hello, Bee.
Good for you. You did great. Getting up there can be half the battle.
Don't concern yourself with not knowing the math. I had to take a remedial math class when I went back to school. Go there and learn it thoroughly, and you will do fine.

FWIW, the radiologists don't do all that much math because they have tables where they can look up the numbers.

Post a Comment

"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe