27 November 2008

Albuquerque Turkey Beef

~Happy Thanksgiving!~

Thanksgiving is upon us and soon Christmas. How very thankful I am this year...and SO blessed.

After Thanksgiving, this country will morph into Christmastime. My kids have listened to Christmas music all week. I have a beef w/that but I've changed my 'song' a little and well, didn't ban the music to be played after the Thanksgiving holiday. I don't want Thanksgiving to disappear at our house.

And as for Black Friday? I'm braving it with friend the first time in 9 years. Getting up at 4am and running the gauntlet. In a nutshell:

Beef = bad.
Turkey = good.
Beef with gravy = good.
Christmas Music and Holly Decor = good.
Turkey, Holly Decor and gravy = bad. Hospital me no likey.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays next to Christmas. Family, food, and flexing my cooking skills. I didn't make a Chocolate Rum Chocolate Chip Cheesecake this year, but I plan on it before the month is out. Anything that takes alcohol and 2 pounds of cream cheese has to be good.

In light of the holidays, I leave you with a poetic gem from my children.

Albuquerque Turkey
- Anonymous
(Sung to the tune of 'Clementine')

Albuquerque he's my turkey
Oh he's feathered and he's fine
He wobbles and he gobbles
And I'm awfully glad he's mine.

He's the best pet
You could ever get.
Better than a dog or cat.
Albuquerque he's my turkey
And I'm awfully glad of that.

Albuquerque he's my turkey
He's so cozy in his bed
Because for our Thanksgiving dinner
We had scrambled eggs instead.

~Bee doesn't have to cook the Turkey this year.

24 November 2008

I'm Thankful For Turkey

Be thankful for the little things. When my daughter was about 3, she suffered under the misconception that Cheese was the food pyramid. The whole pyramid. And of course, when Thanksgiving came around, she was 'thankful for cheese'. It's the little things, right?

Since the season of thankfulness is upon us and Thanksgiving week at that, I'll start off right with a post of all the things that I am thankful for. This is, of course, not complete albeit, it is fairly comprehensive.

 VITAMINS
I'm thankful for the discovery of good vitamins. Vitamins are important even though I've sworn off all junk food and soda for years now. I take a woman's formula because I got kind of beardy when I ran out and took Mr Coffee's man vitamins.

SPEAKING OF BEARDY
I guess tweezers and Nads wax is another thing I am thankful for. Although, I don't know how much more hair removal can I take. I'm beginning to look like Big Foot addicted to Rogaine.

INTERWEBS
I'm thankful for new internet service that is so fast, I'm watching youtube back in high school. Like, totally rad and fast.

COFFEE
I'm thankful for coffee. I'm staring at my empty coffee mug merely wishing I could make a cup and drink it without the repercussions. A girl needs her beauty sleep and every hour before 11pm is like a bird in the bush and you can't believe it's not decaf. Something like that. If I get to bed at 9:30pm then I can wake up early and only hit the snooze 17 times.

FLU SEASON
I'm thankful that none of the kids have gotten the plague from school this year. It takes our family a whole season to get rid of the crud. The kids take turn licking the floor at the grocery and sneezing on everyone just for fun.

ALONE TIME
I'm thankful for the time I have alone in the morning, sans grocery floor licking festivities. I've turned those hours into reading time and I'm beginning to see my kitchen sink and the bottom of my clothes hampers.

SCALING DOWN
I'm thankful for losing 8 lbs these last two weeks. Am I not supposed to gain during the holiday season? It has to be the vitamins. They tend to get stuck when I swallow them but I can usually wash them down easy enough with a hard cider and a giant bear claw.

JOBBAGE
I'm thankful that Mr Coffee has work. This Christmas we'll be able to shop further than the dollar store.

EDUCATION
I'm thankful that at 36, I'm going to be in school the first week of Jan and I'm going to learn how to radiate people with xrays and MRIs. woohoo!

FAMILY
I'm thankful for family, of which I have so much of locally, I undoubtedly end up making someone cheesed to the back teeth because Wayne does not do Mobile Thanksgiving. It's hard when family can't all get together at once. Thanksgiving is one house, lots of food, family, being thankful while lounging and watching TV. Also, stretchy pants. I'm thankful for my independent kids and tall, dark, and hawt Mr Coffee. I can't gush enough. I love them because they are perfect...for me.

REAL FOOD
I am thankful we are not having tofurkey.

ODD THINGS
There are a few other things I am thankful for but in no particular order: clean public toilet seats, eye cream, charged phone batteries, yarn, the library drive-through drop box, duct tape, gift certificates, smooth heels and feet, sleeping kids, new text book smell, Earth2o water, and old photos. That's most of what comes to mind right now.

AND.....

BLOGGIES
Lastly, I'm thankful for my friends. It's an odd thing but I've realized these last few years have been invaluable to me because of the friends who support, care, and listen. It's a gift to build a friendship on trust, honesty, respect, and doing things together that require bail money. Friendships like that are the best and for those, I am deeply, truly, and whole-heartedly thankful.

~Bee is thankful we are not having tofurkey.
Listening to: Take Five by Dave Brubeck

18 November 2008

Bee-ing Real

I've decided to bust free this week. I've been writing 'quietly' since closing my old blog earlier this year. It's turned out more like I'm hiding 'out in the open'.

My reasoning was threefold:
1) I wanted to reinvent myself online
2) challenge my writing abilities
3) I'm still learning how to be okay with being me

I write about this openly because I refuse to suppress who I am because of fear. I refuse to hide my writing on the off-chance I may be misunderstood and make someone mad. If all writers wrote in the fear of offending someone, this world would be horribly absent of some of the greatest literature ever composed.

I stand in the truth that no one has the right to tell me how I feel. If you have issue with my sentiment? You should read elsewhere. I'm also not ashamed by anything I write. Which reminds me....excuse this short interruption.

Dear Bus Stop Mom,
I really like your PJ's but I'd prefer you'd keep them inside. Especially the ones with the giant hole in the butt. My scarred retinas thank you.


I don't dwell on adversity. I'd rather kick adversity in the shins, and point and laugh that dear misguided adversity has it's zipper down. I prefer making people laugh, thankyouverymuch.....or I could simply mull over the worst in life and end up curled up in the corner, going to my 'happy place' while drinking anti-freeze and listening to Sarah McLachlan.

If you think I am writing about you or to you?
I am not.

If you find yourself horribly offended by reading?
Stop reading.

If you call me a liar and spam my blog?
I'll be the first to tell you not to go away mad, just go away.

Now with that out of the way, on to lovelier and sweeter things like lollies and sugarplum fairies.

Did you know Starbucks' Advent Calenders have a little chocolate piece for each day to count down the days to Christmas? This is typical for an Advent Calendar but did you also know the label on said calendar has a nutritional value that states, "Serving Size = 3 pieces". Now how does that work?

This week is going to be interesting. I have a lot going on including a Woman's Mentoring thingie.

Typically, I don't look forward to any women's functions. Anyone else like this? I wake the morning of and dread going anywhere. But when I muster the strength to get to the activity, I'm always glad I went. Am I the only weird one like this?

Now, these moms are not the stereotype perfect June Cleaver Moms. These are real women with cheerios stuck in the seats of the van, degrees in PlayDoh, and a totally clean house about once a week. I'm going to fit right in.

Honestly, I haven't seen a few of these women (friends) for well over a year now. I hope I don't do or say anything not-smart, but this is me we are talking about. I probably will and further will blog about it in grand fashion.

~Bee's five year old daughter says, "Bees sting people by wrecking them."

08 November 2008

The Best Part Of Waking Up Is Free Shipping

I like to wake up on Sunday mornings, smooth down my bedhead, and read the paper while I make out with a cup of black coffee. I love having the paper delivered.

Getting the paper delivered is a necessity in these economic times. I figure by clipping the coupons in the paper, it should offset the cost of a paper being delivered. I can save a lot of money this way but I'm tempted to spend on a few of the mail order products. Here are a few Sunday ads that caught my attention. The minds that birthed these products are brilliant and unparalleled. 

Cleansing Detox Foot Pads

I wonder why these go on the feet and not over your belly say, for food poisoning or across your forehead for dirty thoughts. The Japanese company advocates the pads only for the feet. Are the feet of Japanese especially pungent and toxic?

For the record, I always sleep with my bare feet sticking out of the covers and with a bamboo plant next to my bed.

But foot detoxing is still good news. Say you are a party animal. After loading up on crack, booze, and pork rinds, you can slap on these bad boys (assuming you can still find your feet) and they will adsorb all bodily impurities. There is nothing more comforting than knowing you are cleansed when you awaken on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a lampshade, a toga robe, and of course, two toxin-filled pads on the bottom of your feet. You'll look more rested than a day at some frou frou spa.


Demon Treats

 
Yes, you read that right. When you do party like a rockstar, Target wants you to buy the seasonal Demon Treats. I kid you not.

I am disturbed by their casual use of naming candy after the supernatural world of all things evil. Do you have to cross yourself to go down this isle? Do the employees' heads spin a 360 when they are putting these on the shelf? I dare not ask.

Target also disappoints me in not being an equal opportunity candy supplier because they were all out of Chester Molester Chews and Death Row Dum-Dums. Don't even get me started on their deplorable lack of B & E Peanut Butter Cups. 
Stained Glass Clock

Since you have now been detoxed, you should be making better choices, starting with the Stained Glass Clock. Now, I will not make fun of Jesus because I am a Bible believer but Jesus image on clocks, plates, watches, wallets...I don't get it. In fact, my sisters and I used to hide our Last Supper nightlight because we thought all their eyes were watching us in the dark. The good news is that if you are ever tempted to buy Demon Treats, I would instead do something more edifying with your money, like this Stained Glass Clock.


DNA Kit


Who is your baby daddy? This seemed funny to me when I scanned the picture. Now? Not so much but I do wonder....

Do they include multiple swabbing sticks in that kit? How many test tubes/swabs do they include before they hear the woman is insulted? (5? 10? 20?)

Either way, the woman just had a baby and will need to get back in shape. Have no fear! The Tummy Shaper will help. This will suck your fat away with infrared technology.

 
Lipo Tummy Shaper

Most women are worried about muffin top. The Lipo halter apparently provides great results because of the Bio Ceramic Dots for "Far InfraRed" Weight loss. I can't wait for them to come out in a dickie style so I don't have to worry about my muffin neck anymore.

This wonder is basically like poor man's body armor. I could get excited about the figure-shaping design if it could shave off 5, 10, 80lbs. What thrills me is that wearing this simple garment will allow me to drive through the bad parts of town completely protected. I will rest easy knowing that if I decide to take down a Drug Lord in my Ford Minivan, the Bio Ceramic Dots will protect me.


Blair Sweatshirts


Who under 65 wears these?  All you need is some snazzy hat and your ready to go shuffle boarding.

Lastly, this is one is my favorite.

Discount Hat


I think these hats are such a great idea in this economic climate. I'm buying one for everyone in the family.


~Bee is always ready for double coupon day
Listening to: The Entire U2 Album, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

01 November 2008

4th Blogger BDay

I'm four today!

Woot! Happy Bloggy Birthday to ME!

~Bee likes cake (the food)
Listening to: Cake (the band)