06 January 2015

Even Fish Bait Guy Has A Plan

I'm anchor-less. Floating. Adrift. Bobbing like one of those buoys you see in movies where the guy gets capsized in a nearly indestructible boat and almost drowns in the ocean. This is right before he is eaten by killer sharks the size of Nebraska.

Even Fish Bait Guy has a plan. On the other hand, I'm still feeling an ocean away from any pretense of predetermined goals, killer sharks notwithstanding.

I was thrilled when I was hired at the bookstore after Thanksgiving. Discount. YES. Talking books. YES. Shelving books. If I HAVE TO. Promoting literacy. YES. Smelling books. ABSOLUTELY YES. What's not to like?

The clincher?

This was a temporary hire situation. I've worked for this bookstore before and had an inkling that a permanent position might happen. I have employment history with them. They loved me enough to rehire me three previous times. I loved working for them. I thought I could nail this.  I would nail this. I would be the best bookseller ever.

Now that is a plan.

I quickly discovered that 9 other new employees were attempting to transition from temp to permanent. A friendly new face next to you in orientation turned into someone who would punch babies and steal from grandma in what felt like the longest, most cutthroat, sales driven, month long interview. And it wasn't really. Just felt that way.

However, the flu is no respecter of persons, even co-workers who would eat their own young. I came down with the plague a week before Christmas and missed 5 days of work. And I mean gutter crawling, COPD wheezing sick. What was I supposed to do? Typhoid Mary all the bibliophiles in my quaint city with the latest mutated, flu, bronchitis superbug? To my credit, I did have a Dr's note but my manager didn't need it, which was nice. He said he understood. He said, no problem.

This is code for "thanks for not giving us the flu but we need to keep employees who aren't going to have the flu forever."

Two days ago, I found out I did not make the cut. Insult to injury, I had to call them to ask. I was told "there were just so many great employees to pick just two." They couldn't hire me in a 2 to 9 chance as a former employee? I want to scream sexism, ageism, flu-phobic, brain damage-ism, and any other -ism I could conjure up. I wanted that job but really I was sick. A lot.

This was one of the lowest paying jobs I've ever taken. However, working in a bookstore is a dream job. I thought that if I stayed on, in their words, "maybeeee a max of 6 hours a week..." I could at least keep my discount. My big draw was interviewing would be a little easier with a show of current employment regardless of part-time college these last few years.

I'm taking this "sorry, we cant keep you" ridiculously hard. I feel so stupid rejected. I've not finished school so I don't feel prepared to work in the field I've been studying and I'm not good at waiting around for my college program to open up in fall of this year.

See? Anchorless.

I am someone who is geared to plan, list, mock-run-through, deliberate, set out with MacGyver preparedness for all contingencies, and hitting my goal. Me, waiting around? Not so good at that.

Today, I thought I'd throw in the towel. I'll just stay at home and make goat milk soap or bee's wax candles to sell on Etsy. It shouldn't matter that I don't have a goat and I don't know how to make soap. Despite my name, I don't have any bee's wax either...but anything is better than waiting around till fall.

-Bee wants some cheese with her whine
Listening to: High and Dry by Radiohead

Ps. After being rehired several months later after this post and then getting my dream job in July? I'm not going to complain. Besides, I can't be mad...I still love my bookstore.

5 comments:

Danielle said...

Eh, kwityercrying and just go for it! You don't need to wait to work in the field you've chosen. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. No one else there knows what they're doing either - the secret is to LOOK like you know what you're doing."Fake it 'til you make it" really does work.

The water is ice cold, but take a deep breath, focus on your goal, jump off your anchorless buoy and SWIM!! It will be very uncomfortable at first - ice water always is - but after a few strokes, you'll warm up and the next thing you know, there you'll be.

Also, anchors are overrated. Unless you're using them to weight down the bodies of those who dared compete with you for a job. Then they're very useful, although of course I wouldn't know this from actual experience.

Leslee said...

But what if we bury the bodies...just kidding. Chin up.

Bee said...

Chin up and swim I'm on it.

Dana S. said...

Don't try to sell on etsy. The Chinese have taken over and it is pretty darn near impossible to get noticed anymore. I myself have purchased several items from China because even with shipping it was cheaper. So. Etsy is out.

Lilli said...

Did you figure out the soap? I want some.

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