22 October 2007

Dr. Jenn Is In

Mr. Coffee has irked me. He is the perfect husband for me.

He still brings me flowers or coffee. He does dishes, laundry, makes dinner, urges me to go out with girlfriends AND spend money on myself. He even gets the dirty laundry in the hamper and puts the lid down on the toilet.

I can't complain, but at times I am reminded of the pedestal I put him on.

You've heard the mantra of marriage is work, and it IS. I am usually upset this time of year but my perception gets warped. Mr. Coffee and I go to work, listening, communicating and making sacrifice. (including him reading this post) It's marriage and this is the way marriages survive.

I have a good friend who's ex-husband would frequently tell her, "You have no right to be angry!".

Really? Seriously? Seriously? And I'll allow you to stop being condescending.

I am of the opinion that everyone has a right to feel the way they do. When I get the urge to do some monster truck carpooling, I never act upon it regardless of the impatient driver about to merge off my front door panel.

How you feel is your own right. However, you are not entitled to act on what you feel, including going Evil Knievel on the rude driver in front of you.

Right now, I'd like to stick Mr. Coffee's head in the oven. Obviously, cooking his head not an option. I know it's just my hangups. We have never gone without or lived in our van down by the river, but I get so frustrated at the feast and famine nature of his job. I married a concrete man and every rainy season since we've been married we go through this same cycle.

A woman will get into a car accident in her Mini Cooper but does she blame it on the Cooper? No, in fact, you'll even see her go out and buy another Cooper. It's not the vehicle that's at fault, it's the driver. The same can be said for marriages. Marriage is not the issue but those navigating the marriage can be.

Mr. Coffee and I will get through this. I fret over the bills and he feels the overwhelming disappointment that he is not providing for the family. We talk it out...work together, we ebay half my worldly possessions and another year goes by.

Pretty soon all the kids will be in school and I will go to school myself. Until then, it's a lot of work..hard work, but I know it's well worth it.

Besides, I'm terrible at broiling.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think every wife has the right to confess she is irked with her hubby, because, hey, show me a wife who has never been! You have still done it very classily (is that a word?) and I hope you feel better now...sometimes it just helps to air out!

Anonymous said...

Construction jobs suck. When Beaker got his first electrician's job, they were all "at least 6 months of work, blah blah blah" and then he was home, unemployed after 2 weeks. Every time those contracts come up, I feel sick from the stress - I'll be thinking of you today.

Anonymous said...

monster truck carpooling

:) I felt like that my whole drive home just now.

As of last night, my income and savings are gone.

I hate not making money.

Anonymous said...

You are a good wife to be supportive of him in spite of being upset with your circumstances. I hope things work out financially soon.

Anonymous said...

Marriage is tough! That's for darn sure. There is no way around it. But compound the stress of just being together for that long with financial strain, and you deserve an award, my friend!

I hope everything works out okay. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. (No, I will not send a check. Nice try though!)

Anonymous said...

I remember the days of rain/bad weather-no work days~they so suck.
Now I am worried about being layed off and loosing insurance-how does one get medical insurance with cancer? Wonder what Mrs. Clinton has to say about that?
God will supply a way. He always does we just need to maintain faith

Anonymous said...

I remember the days when I was just knee high to a grasshopper and I couldn't give a crap about money and bills...boy how I wish I was there

Anonymous said...

Nicely vented.

Anonymous said...

By the way, my husband is a contractor, too, just in the oilfield. Being independent definitely has its ups and downs.

Anonymous said...

It's good to vent. It's even better when you can vent to your spouse and work through it together. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

good for you for hanging in there and for not sticking his head in the oven, which I would have been tempted to do. You stay strong! And holler if you need anything.

Anonymous said...

They say money is the #1 stress in marriage. I say it is the root of all evil! I wish we could get rid of it. Ha!

Anonymous said...

Look at it this way, at least he did not get you a vacuum cleaner for Mother's Day. He gets points for that, right?

Anonymous said...

I hear ya. There's nothing like money or lack of it to raise the stress level in a marriage, and it's difficult to know what to do with the resentment that builds when someone else's choice, or as is often the case in my marriage, someone's decision to not make choices affects your life. Yup. Marriage is HARD. I think it's worth it, though. You've got the right attitude. You need a margarita night. ;-)

Anonymous said...

And cooking his head would just make more work for you anyway, what with cleaning the oven and all...

Anonymous said...

I think the difference between you and some other couples is that you WANT to be with Mr. Coffee. To work things out, you have to have two people willing to work things out. Trust me, one person can't do it alone. Besides, life's too short to walk around every day wishing you'd get hit by a bus.

Anonymous said...

I think if you're going to cook a whole head, deep frying is really the way to go.

Anonymous said...

Well I totally skimmed that post but it looked good. =P

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, there is a lot of work in another state, if I am catching your drift. Employers are having trouble finding employees here, if you can believe that! And yes...you will have friends! But it is scary to move, I understand. My hubby is actually talking about checking out your area up there for the music scene. Which I think would be really cool, but I'm not too keen on leaving my family so far away.

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