12 June 2008

Curiosity Killed The Bloggy Peops

I wrote a letter to another blogger who was afraid she had sent me a bitchy email. This email has been made blog worthy. Warning: I say bitchy a lot in this post.

Dear [Bloggy Friend],

I didn't get the email. What are you talking about?

Mr Coffee has been coming home on weekends and I'm tired with him gone M-F.

I just notice that last sentence looks far more hilarious than intended.

I would love to work on my Daughters of the American Revolution application (because we Yanks were so revolting) but with Mr Coffee gone, hair to be colored, facebook applications to be ignored, and kids to be fed...geez...no time! Like yesterday, I wore my bra inside out all day and didn't even stop to turn it right side out. Like who has that kind of time?! I'm lucky if I get to go pee more than once.

Okay, seriously. Now I have to behold your email bitchiness. I will need to know what tone and brand you emailed. There are many kinds of Bitchiness you know.

Say for instance, Family Bitchiness is wholly called for and easily excused. MIL dropping by without calling so you are unable to hide the empty wine bottles, get your underwear on right, and hide the massive laundry pile.

Yes, we are eating frozen pot pies on paper plates, what's it to you?


Job Bitchiness is warranted because most people hate their job. Or the guy next to you that eats so many eggs he has sulfer smell oozing from his person. And most importantly...dear sweet buttered Aunt Jemima, how hard is it to make another damn pot of coffee in the breakroom when the pot runs dry? Please explain this because I have worked in jobs where I wanted to feed the offender the science experiments in the community fridge and finish them off by broiling their head in the toaster oven.


There is lastly Husband Bitchiness where you will alienate only half of your readers because seriously, we women stick together. Husbands are loved, respected, and mine is perfect....for me. But just how bowlegged would we be if we put out more than once, twice a day? Men cannot expect us to NOT be bitchy about this. Especially if one is say..on their way to heaven and back and the kids are pounding on the locked bedroom door begging for a freaking pop tart. I should have the right to complain about this even if he is out of town for the next month m-f.

~Bee thinks this post is funny but perhaps TMI due to coffee consumption today.


****
Humor-Blogs.com give me linky love, so humor me
(pun intended)
and go by and check them out.


19 comments:

cathouse teri said...

Hee hee.

Jaina said...

I'm cracking up Bee, you are too much, really. I so enjoy your posts.

holly said...

you are so gonna be disappointed...

but i've lol'd twice now.

dang i was going to reply *properly*, too!

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Yeah. Definitely too much coffee. Freakin' hilarious nonetheless.

Anonymous said...

Well, I laughed out loud for real (about the inside-out bra). Off to check out Humor Blogs. Question; do you have to be funny all the time to be there?!

Dapoppins said...

what does m-f mean?

I am just glad that door locks, otherwise, this would be another post entirely...

Anonymous said...

TMI at just the right moment is always funny. ;-)

Anonymous said...

if my missus put out 'once or twice a day', she could be as bitchy as she liked, and i wouldn't give a toss.

R said...

I knew Ponder This would comment on this post! Ha ha! We just know the guy. LOL

I am shocked at your openness.

Truly shocked. No, I am not.

But I think the poptart thing is funny. I can't stop laughing. I Can't...stop....


Your new Indian Name---"withholds poptart"

Avery Gray said...

I live for TMI. And yours is the best, Poptart.

Gen said...

TMI posts are always the best.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Ok, I'm going to look sad here, but, what is TMI.
Toasted Muppet Innards??


Loved it though.;D

Anonymous said...

Beef,

Sometimes I don't understand why I disrespect people in comments. But when I do? I get edited by Bee faster than China's internet access.

(ps. thank you Bee for erasing my comment and putting this one in it's place)

Doozie said...

I'm up in the middle of the night, and I don't get it

Millie said...

My eyes! My eyes! Where's my Visine??

Are you still working on that boring DAR thing? Snoooooooore...

:)

Deb said...

Mmm... heaven and back. Yay for that.

Skerrib said...

Heeheeheeheehee...come on Bee, teach those kiddos to work the dang toaster!

Momo Fali said...

Definitely funny!

Gwynne said...

Too funny! When is that m-f coming home? ;-)

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