Al Gore Never Wore A Cupcake Backpack

I have more plans to get out this summer. The kids are home from school, full of energy and ready to go all the time. Why is it that during the school year I can get up at the crack of dawn and yet, a week into summer vacation I can sleep until 10am if they let me. I only wish I could bottle a fraction of the kids' energy and save some for myself.

All the parents say, "Amen!"

On Monday, I decided to reduce my carbon footprint and take a green, earth-friendly walk down to the store with the kids. Fresh air and a good two mile stretch of the legs seemed a good idea, right? Even the youngest, who is 5 can do it. I believe if you can walk the mall with your kids for half a day, then they are perfectly able to walk two whole miles.

One would think from all the bike lanes, that there would be sidewalks along some of the roads we took. They were far and few between, even as we passed the kids school there were more bike lanes than sidewalk. I couldn't believe how many people would roar past in their vehicles. I guess "When Children Are Present" means, "Only If It's Convenient".

The kids were pooped by the time we got to the store. The 5 year old claimed the shopping buggy and started breathing like she was dying. I managed to nurse life into them by resting in the deli and feeding them Lunchables and bottles of water. Lunchables have lots of sodium, so it was good for hydration. I opted for an iced coffee al la Starbucks while thanking God for the people at New Balance who make walking shoes you could marry (but only in Connecticut, New York, and California).

I crammed everyone's backpack with groceries for the trip home. Within two blocks, the 5 year old was declaring she could not go on, in her dramatic-arm-draping-forehead sort of way. I was already carrying the bear's share of the grocery load along with my purse slung over the top of me. I threw her backpack over my shoulders. I knew I'd get laughed at by passing drivers.

*Click photo to enlarge*
Cell phone used to show how big
that thing really is.

I did get laughed at. Cupcakes are apparently hawt and funny.

Plodding along, I was quietly cursing my decision making skills. The 82 degrees pushed us home and the blazing sun made me look more like a sweaty mountain goat than someone doing good things for the environment.

Seriously, I looked incredible. I was yelling at the boys to slow down, and mascara dripping down to my chin. I had four kids ahead of me. My oldest limping from blisters. My damp hair in a sweaty beet red face, and my cupcake backpack boldly trumpeting the latest in motherly fashions.

CURSE YOU, GLOBAL WARMING! CURSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!

I promised the kids we'd go swimming when we were just blocks from the apartment. The youngest gained a newfound strength and took over as point man, while booking down the road at a breakneck walk. I nearly dislocated my tomatoes trying to keep up.

Completely unrelated I have to show you my new red shiny shoes. These are so cute, I couldn't help but post them. Talk amongst yourselves....I'll be back after I leave my carbon footprint planted in Mother Nature's backside because next time? I'm driving.

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Gluten. It's What's For Dinner

Summertime is upon us with only two more half-days of school. This means my days will be soaking up sun at the pool. I hope to do more outdoors this year for the kids sake. The pool will be well used, I'm just saying...

Today is uneventful. I'm thinking of taking a book and hanging out in the school parking lot. Twittering from my phone is also fun. I get some good ideas for writing, although I've heard Stephen King once say that if you can't remember your brilliant post idea a day later (let alone hours), then it wasn't worth writing in the first place.

I don't care for the horror genre, but as a brilliant seasoned writer? He has a very astute point.

In other news, I purchased a Diabetic Cookbook. My reason for buying it was the pictures, especially the giant piece of chocolate cake on the front. I'm not diabetic, and I have NEVER done the diet thing. Except for the carb free one, whereas by the end of the day I was ready to eat a FedEx box if someone told me it was a carb. Carb free diets encourage insulin resistance (aka diabetes or diabetic-like symptoms) and seeing I'm fond of my liver, my carb free diet took only one day to ditch.

Also Dr Atkins died clinically obese. I'd say his demise is proof in the pudding substitute.

I love Barnes and Noble (I've worked for them in the past...Borders, too) You could not fathom the plethora of books on Gluten Free diets. Granted some need to eat this way for medical reasons. But for those who willingly cut out dairy, meat, carbs, and gluten? I'd lose it and end up scrounging in the fridge and polishing off the condiments after my daily pot of coffee.

I do grow my own tomatoes and herbs. That's the extent of my voluntary food snobbery.

The truth is, I need carbs. I need gluten. I have no idea what exactly gluten is except a wheat product. I just don't see the sense in eliminating entire chunks of food groups. In light of this I shall leave you with my own revamped version of the food pyramid. Hey, it's what's for dinner.

**Please click to enlarge**

Do I Look Five To You?

Tanning Girl says, "Tanning can help rid yourself of acne and eczema. It's relaxing and can give you that sun-kissed look year round!" However.....


Tanning Girl says, "Your tooth will fall out and your face will stick this way if you do not wear protective eye gear and some kind of sun screen.



Tanning Girl additionally cautions, "If you wear protective eye gear you will still get massive sun damage. You will also get crabs from the tanning bed and athlete's foot in your nether regions while imprinting cancer straight into your cells. You will be bald from chemo by 35 but you will look hawt like Paris Hilton for the years preceding your impending death."




Tanning Girl says, "Scrub that when I can do this to you for free as long as you wear your meals for the day on your shirt and can claim to be a "Blue Spotted Snow Leopard".



Tanning Girl says, ".....a Blue Spotted Snow Leopard, either that or Tommy Boy."


~Bee thinks it's hard to take a straight or focused picture when you are laughing so hard.