04 June 2012

Sweet Valley High Books May Cause Pregnancy

I am reading romantical books, ya'll. Give me a minute, I gotta quit blushing.

 ~tomato red!~

Okay, done now. 

 I've recently read a romance book. My first romance read ever. Not joking. I've only started reading the romance genre in this last year. I will blame it on cell phones. And my mother.

 You see, if I hadn't gotten a cell phone, I wouldn't have downloaded a book reading app.

 If I hadn't downloaded the app, I wouldn't have found free classic books online.

 If I hadn't found free books online, I wouldn't have started reading again.

 If I hadn't started reading again, I wouldn't have used Goodreads.com and connected with friends. These friends who used to work at a bookstore. Friends who said, "If you like historical fiction, you will probably like Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. A lot of women like that book" At this point I didn't know whether to be insulted or thankful he'd recommend something I would dive into. I went with thankful.

 I read all kinds of books now with few exceptions because of my mother. I will say on her behalf, she does not remember it this way. Why? Because it is a universal truth that no family member should agree on past events. No one remembers what happened growing up. It's Murphy's Law, senility, or perhaps the need to be contrary. My sisters and I don't even agree and we haven't the age excuse on our side. (Sorry, Mom. No, you are not old). Its some generational, space time continuum thing. In fact, my kids are probably making fake memories as I type this on my keyboard.

 In my humble and faulty recollection, which is very, very humbly recollected, my parents homeschooled me. This is not in dispute. However, the parental units allegedly had me write book reports on classics like the autobiography of Rush Limbaugh while I begged off to write something meaty and homeschooler-ish by CS Lewis or Oregon pioneer, Dr. John McLoughlin. Or dissect quantum mechanics departing from classical mechanics, primarily at the quantum real of atomic and subatomic length scales.

I was homeschooled.

What does this have to do with the book, Outlander? I'm blaming my android phone and my mother, that's what. I'll get there, now hush or go make me a sandwich.

 I vividly remember my mother, who continues to not remember, giving my teenage self a good deal of flack after seeing I checked out Jr. High romance books. Good girls don't read that stuff. Judy Blume, beyond Fudge and Tootsie? Not allowed. The new Nancy Drew was also deemed a tart and she was banned from the house as well. Sweet Valley High girls were trouble. I mean, look at these faces.

The new face of teenage rebellion.

They may look like innocent teens who scribble "Mrs. Sweet Valley High Guy" on their sparkly unicorn trapper keepers. But we know better.

Tears, shame and guilt pierced my Double Loving heart and like the good girl I was, I snuffed my tears, put my shoulders back, chin high, and began smuggling young adult Sweet Valley High porn under my pillow on the downlow. Until my stash was discovered.

That was a dark day indeed, my friend.

Fast forward twenty-garblefarble years and am I grown up with four kids and a husband. I still get a little embarrassed admitting I like the romance genre. I didn't want to break down an buy a book cover, but I can definitely see the appeal now.

"What are you reading?"
"Uhhh, my quantum mechanics book? Don't look at me that way...HEY! I WAS HOMESCHOOLED YOU KNOW!"

I was told by a well-read friend I might branch into historical fiction since I liked Stephen Lawhead. This is the one that recommended the Outlander series. He didn't say it's about a strapping, 6ft 4 Highlander, a strong female protagonist, drama, time travel, love story, a rebellion, humor, and all wrapped in good writing.

I blushed, I hmmm-ed and hawwwed, but my head said HEY! ITS MY BOOK APP AND ILL READ ROMANCE IF I WANT TO!

I downloaded it for a free Nook deal where it sat on my puritanical phone for a year. Which, incidentally, is more salaciously thrilling than hiding Sweet Valley High and Nancy Drew porn under a pillow.

Hey! Someone tell Ned that Nancy-girl is a firecracker. Woo woo!

After getting a new phone, I redownloaded the book app and surprise. There was the book. Highly rated and staring at me. I started reading and I discovered where the romance novels were concerned, there were a lot of varients. Also, I'm a dirrrrty girl and I liked it. A lot.

Then call me a broadsided bibliophile, Batman... there were genres in romance, too.

I soooo need a bigger pillow.

I have to mention, the peeps who tell publishers to offer a free download are pretty smart because I've purchased all available in the series in hardback (that's how I roll). I don't think I would have been brave enough to branch out into this genre without having been given the book.

I fell in love with this story and even though my mother's consternation, which she does not remember, at my choices in books is a deep-seated voice, I have learned to be more open-minded. Not that I'm going Fifty Shades of Seriously? This Is A Best Seller? anytime soon.

All in all, I would have missed this amazing world Gabaldon had painted if I hadn't taken a risk to read out of my literary box. For that, I thank my mother who still swears I'm making this up, the inventor of the android cell phone, and the deliciously wicked pen of Diana Gabaldon.

~Bee does not put covers over her paperback books.

Listening to:
The Planets Bend Beneath Us by Snow Patrol


Leslee said...


I mean. Wow. Look at you. Blogging. Wow.

And blogging about books. One of my favorite subjects. Did you know that if you wanted into a Hasting Entertainment store you would not find Diana Gabaldon in the Romance genre? Nope, it's in Novels. Even though it is romantical, Hastings classifies it as Women's Literature which is not necessarily part of the Romance genre. Now you know it is not necessary to hide any of Ms Gabaldon's books under your pillows. Besides, isn't that a bit lumpy?

Bee said...

Borders has her in fiction, too. I like the balance in a story of different elements, but we talked abt that once. Not interested in an anatomy lesson, lol.

And Hubs loves that I love books as much as he does.

Bee said...

Whoops, slip of the tongue. Borders did. B&N does. I've worked for both. Yay!

Leslee said...

So what kind of books does he hide under his pillow?

Bee said...

He's all about the jagdpanthers and sturmgeschütz. WWII history is hawt.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I can't believe you are still blogging. You have great intestinal fortitude. I hope you are doing well. I'm looking for Doozie.

Bee said...

Anon, I don't think I'll ever stop. Fortitudinal intestines and all.

It was just a few days ago I was in a bkstore and saw a book with a busty redhead on the front and thought of you and how I missed your amazing hair. Doozie should be by soon. ;)

Doozie said...

I'm still around, they can't keep a good woman down. What's up Krok?

Anonymous said...

You two are still tight, that is great. Time sure has flown by, I am posting as anon because I can't remember any of my old passwords, I tried HotDoozie but that didn't work for some reason. Bee, I am sorry for being off topic on your blog. I hate to inform you all about this but my hair is thinning, getting old stinks. Doozie I really hope your life is looking up. I do miss all my old friends. So are you both doing well? I hope so.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bee, you left out the word "it" in the Johann Wolfgang von Goethe quote. You know me and being proper. Oh boy, my toilet needs a new flapper, it just added a bit of water, that's so annoying.

Anonymous said...

I just read your post, congratulations on reading your first romance book. I still have not read a book, which probably says something about me. I was given a book here recently by the author, I went to see Josh Hamilton and he signed a copy of his book. I was thinking about reading his book but have not done so yet.

Bee said...

Dear Bibliophobic,
Which profile is that? I like to quote him because it makes me look wise and pretentious. The kids toilet gets plugged, too. They use too much TP.

Bee said...

And thank you for embracing multi-genre book reading. Btw, Happy Birthday last year. I think I missed it.

Doozie and I are FB buddies. Hubs and I are good. He's still hot and he shaves his head. Its intimidating when boys want to date my teenage daughter.

Anonymous said...

It's the quote on this page. Boys will be boys, once they see that 12 rolls cost 8.99 at Harris Teeter they will cut back on the wasteful wiping. Well off to bed, later Gator.

Bee said...

I found it. It never shows on mobile view.

I hope that you and yours are well and haven't been shived by people jealous of your car.

Anonymous said...

Yeah I'm scared of bald guys too. I survived the teenage daughter years now I just support older daughters. Sometimes I wonder if my only purpose in life is to work so I can make money to give to women by order of the state. Goodnight. Great getting back in touch.

Dapoppins said...

You don't blog in forever and get all these comments...and then I looked at the comments. Ahh. Good friends!

As Dapoppins I can admit to a few romance reads...ha...but my irl person is never going to say it. NEVER. I'm actually trying to kick the habit. And there you go...teasing me with brawn and brogue. Gah! ITS NOT RIGHT!

Doozie said...

Krok, I'm thinking of raising my blog from the dead. I hope you can visit there, I miss your wit and complete nonsense. I'm doing well, I have finally convinced a male that I'm not an alien. I think we are going to Las Vegas to get married, but he will need to sign a pre-nup since I have about $250 in the bank. He has lots of hair except there is a little bit of a bald spot right on the top/back. He likes it when I scratch his head, the one on top. Well, ok.. then.. yeah. Super Dog is still alive, and The Walter is 16. He won't drive the car, but he is driving me crazy.

Anonymous said...

Doozie, what wonderful news. I will definitely visit your blog. I know that guy is after the 250, good idea about the pre-nup. Yeah the losing the hair on the top is what I suffer from too, the good thing is that when you look in the mirror you can't tell. I can't believe Walter is 16, I remember that video he did, that was funny. Glad Super Dog is still kicking. Well I just got home from work and I still eat Harris Teeter black bean soup for dinner, so off to baking. I am so happy to hear all the good news. Later Gator. I am going to set up a new blog for me too. I, like Bee, use my phone as my computer now, so I need to figure out how that works.

sarahgeedee said...

Love, love, love the whole Outlander series and am waiting patiently for the next (12th? 8th?) book to come out. I can very much relate to your experience with the romance genres. Hadn't read one until a few years ago, and had a friend incredulously laugh at me about it. But, I like them too! And love that I can hide the fact that I'm reading one with my kindle app on my phone, iPad or computer. Yay! Definitely don't want to explain to my hubby's g-ma what it is that I am reading, haha!

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