Connecting Schizophrenic Dots

I don't talk about my schizophrenic mother too often. There is a fine line between respecting someone with a mental illness, such as schizophrenia, and having your stomach ache from laughing at the scenarios my mother manages to get herself into. For instance, I get a call...

I answered the phone politely, "Hello?"

Recognizing the caller ID I knew it could only be my mom. She used a phone my sister was paying for but she wasn't calling at her normal hour of 9pm, 3am, midnight, fill-in-the-blank with any hour that was ungodly. I was immediately pulled from my surprise by the demanding voice on the other line, "WHO is this?"

My niece does not yet have the best telephone manners, even at 16, but my sister's voice was the one I heard.

"Jane?" I inquired. Maybe it was my sister.

"Who is this?" my niece sounded confused.

"It's your Aunt Bee. Is this Summer?" I quickly added.

"Oh! Hi, Aunt Bee. We didn't know who Grandma was calling all the time. She's been calling EV.RY.ONE," she enunciated every syllable.

I heard her mumble to my sister, Jane, "It's Aunt Bee..."

"What's going on? Is your Grandma okay?"

Calls about my mother were usually not good. For the last six months my mother has been living with my sister, Jane, and her boyfriend, along with my niece, Summer. It's been comforting to know my sister has my mom out of a Board and Care Home and surrounded by family. However, my sister is doing her best, not the best, with my mom. Jane is battling her own personal demons and however much I wish Jane would do more, she won't...or can't. As the oldest, I take on those kinds of responsibilities in stride. As much as I'm used to caring for my own kids, I see my mom in that same way. I always wondered when the switch happened, from daughter to mothering my own mother.

I'd planned from a young age to have my mom close. Her health has not always been compatible with my immediate family nor has our living situation been conducive to an extended stay. She lives in California. We live in Washington. Distance also has been an issue but the biggest is my mom's health. My sister took my mom in because my mom was caught cheeking her meds (hiding them in her mouth and not swallowing them) because she was "much better now", a common problem with mental health patients. My mom, as brilliant as she is, thrives and has an amazing quality of life when she stays medicated. Stays, being the operative word.

Picture this: Your brain firing with each thought through your synaptic paths. Now imagine having 10 times the firings that you should with each thought, your brain going in a million different directions at a time. It's like driving a rocket sled on your daily carpool. Overload. This is the same kind of reaction my mom has on a daily basis. She's amazingly brilliant but with this kind of overload, she feels, thinks, acts in skips and hops. Talking to my mom is usually like playing connect the dots. She says sweetly, "Don't eat cornflakes when I'm gone!".

What does that mean?

It means that back in the 70s my mom had a parrot she absolutely loved. She fed it cornflakes one day and it choked and died. So, in short, my mom was telling me to be safe when she is not around. Connecting dots.

I wish I had property with a mother-in-law house behind the main house. I'd want my mom to feel like she had a place of her own, but close enough to us to manage her care and let her see the kids grow up. But until her meds are adjusted and a house is purchased, my kids wouldn't understand when Grandma is yelling at "her mom" in the mirror. My kids don't understand when Grandma is calling TBN prayer line for two days straight, slamming doors around the house, and pouring gallons of bleach down the toilet to "get rid of her bathroom problems".

My mom is also a blurt-er, declaring things that should *never* be said, especially around my kids...for instance, it didn't matter if she saw things this way or if this is how the stories actually went down. There was the time she was attacked in high school, or the affair that happened between my father and another married woman before my mom and dad met. And yes, the same woman I was supposedly named after. Which was confusing because I was told once that I was named after a character in a Pat Boone movie. That was during my mom's Pat Boone phase. Regardless, my kids just stared wide-eyed at these new revelations.

Yeah. How do you follow that kind of bombshell? Um...Can you pass the ketchup? Today's phone call was beginning to look like my mother was in her true form.

Summer started into a rant about my mom. "Well, Grandma has been calling everyone! She's racked up the #%$# phone bill. My mom is pissed. She can't even talk to you right now."

"What....?" I knew this was only the tip of the iceberg.

Summer laid it out in a sing-songy tattle tale voice. She almost sounded amused. "Grandma called the FBI a couple times and told them Obama was going to be assassinated by someone." Her off-handed reply shocked me. I quickly composed myself and tried my best not to bust up laughing.

Apparently, my mom had to shake things up. Suits were coming to her door. The authorities are getting involved. And my sister just wanted a roommate who would pay her rent on time. I guess the $ cell phone bill was not a factor in that equation.

Thanks to my mom, somewhere in government-land, my FBI file just got fatter, now tagged along with the phone calls my mother was making. Big Brother has probably now documented, next to the bank robbery incidents I'd experienced as a bank teller, the anti-patriotic notes of my possible assassination intentions as a law-abiding, school-going, mother and wife. Yeah, and not to mention further proof of my unpatriotic status as an Independent voter and whoops, I had that one speeding ticket back in 1998. I hang my flag out on Fourth of July and Veteran's Day...and once forgot it overnight.

See? I'm half-way to getting three hots and a cot.

The moral of the story is: Connecting the schizophrenic dots is a serious responsibility no matter how side-splitting funny it is. Especially when Big Brother is watching.

You can quote me on that.

~Bee is all about the red, white, and blue. Really.

Gardasil: The HPV Immunization

In school, I decided to tackle the Gardasil topic for my term paper. I enjoyed working on it, however it was interesting to me the layers and layers of information I uncovered. I know there are several who are interested in what take I had and I ended up surprising myself in the end.

Bottom line is that I don't recommend this shot for anyone under 30 years old. All my research and data took me in this surprising direction. For those interested in my paper proper, I am including a chunk of my draft below. (and for those searching for term papers, this page is easily google-able, so feel free to write your own paper, Plagiarism Bob)


Gardasil: Effective HPV Immunization for Girls or Completely Unnecessary?

Cancer is one of those words that make people take notice. We've been told by doctors that cancer is out there, indiscriminately affecting all walks of life. With cancers at the forefront of media and health issues of today, it is reassuring to see strides against this medical monster named cancer, and in particular, cervical cancer. As of 2006, the pharmaceutical giant, Merck, was given approval by the FDA to market and sell Gardasil, a groundbreaking vaccination. This immunization was touted by the medical community and media alike as the cervical cancer cure that effectively blocked the four major strains of the human Papillomavirus that cause cervical cancer and genital warts. (HPV Vaccine, 2007) What is HPV, you ask? How do you get it? Are there side effects to Gardasil? These are good questions but the more pressing issue is whether or not Gardasil is an effective immunization against HPV or is it completely unnecessary?

Where alternative methods are as effective as the HPV immunization, Gardasil immunizations for young women are toxic, not completely effective or necessary, and in the end, sending young girls the wrong message about avoiding sexually transmitted diseases.

Women are advised to eat healthy, exercise daily, and to get their yearly medical checkups. However, fighting cervical cancer cannot stop with any one of these single solutions, including the HPV immunization. Granted, Gardasil gives many people hope against cancer, as Merck proudly claims the drug would leave us with, “One Less” lost to this disease. It does not take losing a loved one to find the benefits of a cervical cancer cure. Statistics speak for themselves. The American Cancer Society estimates that “in 2009, about 11,270 cases of invasive cervical cancer will be diagnosed in the United States”. Strides in modern medicine have helped war against all kinds of viruses and illness but these statistics currently translate to about 4,070 women dying of invasive cervical cancer in this year alone. With early detection, the 5-year survival rate for invasive cervical cancer is at 92% and only improving on that statistic as further advancements are made in health sciences (American Cancer Society). But even with Gardasil bringing women the “One Less” ideal, the 5-year survival rate illustrates to us that with early detection and/or preventative steps, proactive measures are not only wise but absolutely necessary.

First, it’s important to recognize the nature of HPV and how it is affects women to understand the best way to fight cervical cancers. HPV is a sexually transmitted virus that is undetectable in most of its many different strains. In the American Journal of Public Health, Joseph Balog addresses the effects of the virus, ranging from no symptoms whatsoever, to warts, to the more serious pelvic cancers. Balog reminds us, citing a recent study that revealed “26.8% of women are infected with some form of HPV” (Balog, 619). These are alarming numbers; however, wouldn’t this indicate a mass of women contracting cervical cancers at an astounding rate? Surprisingly, not. The American Cancer Society and Center for Disease Control concur that “within 2 years, 90%” of the 6 million newly-infected individuals every year, for women under 30 years of age, the body’s defenses will kick in and naturally clear the HPV virus on its own. (CDC Fact Sheet)

As nature designed, the human body’s natural defense triggers the immune system to fight against HPV, just as any other type of sickness or virus. In an average healthy female, the immune system then produces just the right antibodies to fight off the HPV infection. I would also stress that Merck recommends Gardasil for the demographic of women without compromised immune systems so in an average healthy female; the immune system produces just the right amount of antibodies to fight off the HPV infection. Which leaves us with the question of the necessity of Gardasil, especially for women under 30 years old? Our bodies are in tune to handle this infection on our own making the immunization a moot point for the under 30 demographic.

Since there are so many different strains of HPV, the medical community has studied and uncovered what are considered bad strains; those commonly seen with cervical cancers. Both Stanford University’s Devasena Gnanashanmugam, Instructor in Pediatrics of Infectious Disease, and Yvonne Maldonado, Professor of Pediatrics and Health Research and Policy of Medicine, explain that there are more than 100 different strains of HPV, with only 30 to 40 of these strains classified as malignant. The strains identified as Types 16 and 18 have been proven to cause 70% of cervical cancer and Types 6 and 11 cause 90% of genital warts (Vaccines, 2008). Since Gardasil only targets these four “bad” strains, the vaccine at any age will not guarantee immunity from another damaging HPV strain. So, how can women over 30 defend against HPV? As the saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.”

Preventions can be taken in many ways: education, behaviors, and being proactive with one’s health. The first step of education is how important it is for young women to weigh the responsibilities of being sexually active. Public schools have taken a large step in prevention by incorporating classes about STDs in health class while parents are encouraged by the medical community to speak to their young people about sex. There are many proponents of abstinence programs who encourage waiting until the student is older, or until the young adult has found the one they want to be with for the rest of their life. As a proponent of HPV vaccination, Tami L. Thomas, Assistant Professor and Nurse Practitioner at the Medical College of Georgia, disputes the claims of abstinence programs by citing a study by the Guttmacher Institute. Thomas refutes Gardasil encouraging sexual activity and further argues that abstinence only programs do not work. (Thomas, 429-31) Abstinence for young women is an idyllic goal and honestly, I agree. However, the reality is that best laid plans aren’t always followed and bad situations do happen. The key is the education of our young people by parents, caregivers, school, and doctors about how HPV is spread and stressing the responsibility that comes with being sexually active. When young women are informed that an immunization causes “One Less” to die of cervical cancer, the assumption is that Gardasil is an end all. However, we understand from earlier that Gardasil does not cover the majority of the other 28 to 38 malignant strains of HPV. Clearly, STD education will go beyond what Gardasil accomplishes and also sends the right message to young people about taking control of the behavior that causes STDs and ultimately their health.

Another preventative measure is the routine medical exam. In a normal visit the doctor also includes a test called a pap smear. This is when the doctor tests cells from the patient’s cervix or vagina to check for any abnormalities. Pap smears and cervical exams are an important part of HPV and cancer prevention. It’s no secret that women do not look forward to their regular doctor exams, myself included. However, yearly testing is proven to save lives. Laura Ninger writes in an article published in The Gale Encyclopedia of Medicine about the efficacy of this test and the results are astounding. From 1955 to 1992, the death rate of women from cancer was reduced 74% by this simple procedure alone. Ninger recommends exams with normal results can be done every three years and once a year checkups for women over 40 years of age (Gale, 2002). A dear friend of mine explained to me the frightening news she received after an exam back in 1997. She was only 31 years of age, “All I heard was the word ‘pre-cancer’"...it was scary.” Thankfully, in my friend's case, the detected pre-cancerous cells were removed with surgery and without further issue, all due to early detection. It was clear to my friend, in her own words, “that exam saved my life”. My friend further acknowledged that if Gardasil had been available at the time, she would have gladly gotten the immunization (friends name omitted for privacy sake). For HPV infections of any type, the pap smear testing is without a doubt, paramount to optimum health for women.

For women over 30 years old, what can be done when the body can no longer defend itself against HPV? Recently, a new prevention-type test for the HPV virus was put on the market. Quiagen is a ground-breaking company that uses technology to create tools to further
science at a bimolecular level. One such idea is the HPV test marketed to women over the 30 years of age benchmark. Quiagen touts the results of their HPV test in the New England Journal of Medicine, citing that HPV testing is the most important way of treating cervical cancer. However, there are still issues of false positives for HPV testing that can also be problematic, and frankly a scary ordeal for the patient (Stout, et al., 1881). For this reason, doctors should be doing more than recommending yearly exams, by routinely using the HPV test in conjunction with a woman’s pap smear testing. The combined efforts of both tests will undoubtedly produce early detection and, as in my friend's case, saving lives. Early detection aside, one issue still remains. Why shouldn’t women over 30 just avoid the disease altogether and get the immunization?

Since Merck brought Gardasil to the market in 2006, the buzz over another possibly toxic immunization brought out vocal proponents on both sides. Non-profit groups such as the National Vaccine Information Center - NVIC, est. 1982, have sprung from new vaccines like Gardasil, ensuring that any adverse reports linked to immunizations are reported by the public and medical community and easily accessed. For years, the controversy has continued with reports that linked the ingredients of childhood immunizations with autism. Reports of a common element in vaccinations such as thimerosal, a form of mercury, are arguably one of the largest toxins in vaccinations for children (Hyman). Gardasil works as an irritant to the immune system to produce antibodies that will fight off the infection. Would this cause a problem in our young girls? Let’s allow Gardasil’s patient reactions speak for themselves.

The National Vaccine Information Center reports the federal governments Vaccine Adverse Events Reporting System recorded 13755 adverse events since 2006, with 45.13% of those adverse reactions coming from the 6-17 age bracket and 33.04 % adverse reactions coming from the 18-29 age bracket. This means 78% of adverse reactions were for women under the age of 30. The reactions are wide spread: allergies, fever, paralysis, seizures, and miscarriage. The most common were fainting with the most serious being blood clots, acute respiratory failure, cardiac arrest, and “sudden death due to unknown causes” (NVIC).

Clearly, vaccination risks toward children and in Gardasil’s case, toward women under 30 years of age, statistics show that alternative methods are a much better choice. I have a 12 year old daughter and I would much rather wait for my daughter to grow up to get the Gardasil immunization when science agrees the body can no longer handle an infection. This is especially pertinent when the risk of heart attack or “sudden death due to unknown causes” is a possible scenario. This said, Gardasil does have an advantage for women over 30 years of age, even with Merck's recommendation of immunizing women between 9 and 26 years old.

What a world we would live in if we could eliminate cervical cancers altogether? It's a goal we all can agree on but how to get to our common goal while working together? Education of our young people is paramount to finding that goal successfully. When the symptoms of behavior are only being treated, we as a society can never win the battle of optimum health. Routine exams will also provide the public with the best medicine available. From pap testing to HPV testing, leading researchers and scientists can see how a virus works and mutates, grows and spreads. Further proactive steps will provide the medical community the skills to combat cervical cancer. Personally, I feel comforted to know my children are vaccinated from disease but when the immunizations bring risk and no benefit, there is no reason to be instead, seeking alternative measures. From my children's toddler years, I armed myself with the facts of rare, but unwanted side-effects. I weighed my options and made an educated decision for my children.

So, will drugs like Gardasil help us or hinder us? For young girls, Gardasil should not be an option given the statistics of adverse reactions, aside from the fact that it is unnecessary. However, once past the age where alternative methods no longer work, I would heartily recommend Gardasil to the arsenal fighting cervical cancers. I would hope with continued scientific breakthroughs in medicine and a proactive stance against cancer, we can indeed lose, as Merck so simply states, “One less”.


Sources (name of my college library omitted for my own privacy sake):

1995-2009 One Less. Gardasil. Merck and Company. Inc., 2009.

“American Cancer Society: What Are the Key Statistics About Cervical Cancer.”
Cancer.org. Ed. American Cancer Society. 13 May 2009. 25 May 2009 .

Balog, Joseph E. “The Moral Justification for a Compulsory Human
Papillomavirus Vaccination Program.” American Journal of Public Health 99.4 (Apr. 2009): 616-622. Academic Search Premier. EBSCOhost. 17 Apr. 2009

Bristol, Nellie. “HPV Vaccine” CQ Researcher 17.18 (2007): 409-432. CQ Researcher 17 April 2009.

“CDC Fact Sheet”. Center for Disease Control. Department of Health and Human Services.
Atlanta, GA 10 Apr 2008. 6 Jun 2009

Gnanashanmugam, Devasena, Maldonado Yvonne. "New Vaccines" (Update, 2008).
Brunton LL, Lazo JS, Parker KL. Goodman & Gilman's The Pharmacological Basis of Therapeutics, 11th Edition, 2006. AccessMedicine. 17 Apr 2009. .

Mark A Hyman. . "AUTISM: IS IT ALL IN THE HEAD? " Alternative Therapies in Health and
Medicine 14.6 (2008): 12-5. Research Library. ProQuest. 6 Jun. 2009

Natasha K Stout, Jeremy D Goldhaber-Fiebert, Jesse D Ortendahi, Sue J Goldie. "Trade-
offs in Cervical Cancer Prevention: Balancing Benefits and Risks. " Archives of Internal Medicine 168.17 (2008): 1881. Research Library. ProQuest. 6 Jun. 2009

Ninger, Laura J. "Pap Test." The Gale Encyclopedia of Medicine. Vol. 4. 2nd ed.

Detroit: Gale, 2002. Gale Virtual Reference Library. Cannell Library, Vancouver, WA. 17 Apr. 2009. Path: Select Quick Links; Gale Virtual Reference Library; Medicine.

Quiagen “The digene HPV test”. 2003-2009 6 Jun 2009

Thomas, Tami L. “The New Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Vaccine: Pros and Cons
For Pediatric and Adolescent Health.” Pediatric Nursing 34.5 (2008): 429-31. Research Library. ProQuest. 17 Apr. 2009.

“Welcome To MedAlerts” National Vaccine Information Center-NVIC. Vienna, Virginia
16 Jun 2009

Schools Out For Summer

Today was a good day. I spent the morning with the family at Powell's Books. I could spend weeks there. 68,000 sq feet of books = book heaven. I was tempted to buy a few books but after buying a new bookshelf last week and stocking it full with books I already own, I am resolved to reading what I have on hand...or go to the library to grab something new. I've compiled a list of books I want to read this summer, but I keep coming back to the Twilight books. Every time I read them, I see another layer, another aspect, another vein of interest. Although, after reading Emma by Jane Austen about 20 times before I could move on, I'm really not surprised.

Persuasion by Austen was even worse, pouring over and over the book front to back. I also read Stephen Lawhead's Song of Albion Trilogy five times over before I could put it down. It feels very OCD but I love diving into books this way. There is so much one can miss the first couple times a book is read.

Haha. You're funny. I'm not missing my sanity.

School went well this quarter, not as well as I would have liked. I made a stupid mistake on my final paper for English but this is what I get for not being better prepared.

Math was also a struggle because I had the Absent-Minded Professor for an instructor. He'd write 4 + 1 = 3 on the board. Or he would be saying "squared" and be writing cubed at the same time. I could tell he was absolutely brilliant but his methodology was not ideal for the way I learn. The basics of math are to teach the common way to solve an equation or algorithm. After the basics are down, then the instructor should proceed to teach the students the little short cuts or different ways of finding the answer. He'd throw at us every way in the book to find the answer to an equation, right off the bat, and then turn and wonder why we all gawked wide-eyed, like over-caffeinated crackheads. He felt it was more important to concentrate on the many different ways to a solution and focus on the process rather than the solution or answer. I got a B+ in this class, and I'm surprised I did so well. I guess there is next quarter to get my GPA back up. gah.

Computer class was fun for me and the instructor was outstanding. I did have issue with the test. For instance, "Is Proquest similar to Google?"

Well, of course it is similar, because they are both search engines. Although they are not the same kind of search engine. Leave it to me to over-analyze a test. Long story short, my grades were worse this quarter, but not bad, so I've been told. I'm my own worst critic, so I'll get some cheese with my 'whine' and leave it at that until the fall.

~Bee is happy to be blogging again!

Grouped Poop and Twilight

By this time next week, I'll be finished with this quarter of school and my last three finals. Until then, I'm stressed. I shouldn't be. This quarter I really have my poop in a group.

Lets hear it for grouped poop.

I'm writing my Eng102 paper on Alternatives to Gardasil. It's coming along nicely. Just not fully there...polished. I am an editing/rewrite queen, so lord knows, I'll be tweaking it for the next three full days. I'm already registered for fall with a 14 credit load. Baby girl will be in full-time 1st grade and I'll have more free time to actually update my blog. Who knows, I tried to update more this quarter and failed miserably.

But I'll be off school this summer. To read. And read. And read some more. **and blogging more!

Speaking of books, (and I can hear the moans and groans now....) I decided to reserve a copy of the book Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. My daughter is aching to read it since all her friends have. Vampire books in my house were high on my favorite book list between Your Pet's Inner Qi and The Skinhead Life For Dummies. Absolutely no bloodsucking in my house.

But I started Twilight. And I couldn't put it down. And then I went out and got the others in the series and read those, too. All four books and the unpublished partial of "Midnight Sun" literarily devoured in four days.

I guess it's easier to eat crow when it's still warm.

So, what is with this series? Why are people going gah-gah over the book? What is up with the movie? Sure, Mr Pattinson is seriously a knuckle-biter (and I'm feeling a bit cougary just writing this) but I'm calling it like I see it.

Time to move on over, Darcy and Captain Wentworth.

I decided to write a review about the series for all them haters, lovers, eye-rollers, or those simply curious. I do recommend reading the books before you make judgment...or at least reading my review. You may find you'll change your mind. Here goes:

I never set out to like these books. I am far from the person who finds vampire stories captivating and being more of the one to buck the trends of the sheeple, I withstood the general consensus of "you gotta read this because everyone is reading it".

I'd known what to expect by critics and enthusiasts alike: cotton candy fluff writing, romance, allegorical, timeless love story, co-dependence, and self-discipline. It took me until two weeks ago, at the prodding of my daughter, to read the book with open-minded skepticism. I never thought I'd enjoy the story so much.

Being my first vampire story read, I was thankful for the easy read. For those who criticize the basic writing, I would agree that the story is simply written. It's geared towards teens and I knew I wouldn't be reading something deep, human, and twisty as the Count of Monte Cristo. Rather like comparing a simple salad with a four course meal. Sometimes, you need your steak and potatoes, but sometimes it's good to just have a salad.

I won't explain the plot, as so many have easily done, but will explain how the story stood out to me. I'll answer the biggest question: WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL WITH TWILIGHT!?

Taking several weeks to mull this over, I have an answer that'll make you say "DUH": It's a love story.

There are many women that relate to Bella, but even deeper, there are many women (and men) of all ages want to be loved in this over-the-top way. Does this desire to be adored and loved mean it's realistic? Not in every relationship, although I'd like to think so. The draw is that women see Edward so entirely devoted to Bella and I don't know a soul who wouldn't want that same devotion in their own life. This is the same reasoning behind the term, "chick flicks". We, of the female persuasion, like the warm, squishy, lovey dovey stuff. We can't help it. We want to be Cinderella and have the white knight jump in a save us without later having to clean the horse stall and wash his dirty clothes. You know I'm right.

The story is written in the first person, so relating to Bella was an easy task. As one having felt like a much older soul that my own teen years afforded, I understood Bella's decisions, strength, and independence. She was used to being the 'grown up' for her mom who raised her and thus, her relationship with her father, Charlie, would be distant but not strained. She never thought much of herself, always thinking of others.

I caught an allegorical "deny your self with discipline and restraint, and strive to better yourself despite it all". It was an interesting idea, depicting teens with restraint, "good" vampire or not.

Many people find Bella's co-dependence on Edward idiotic and sickening. It's one of the biggest things I hear repeated over and over.

I saw their relationship differently than Bella dependent on Edward. They were a couple so deeply in love that she nor he could survive without each other. It's a fairytale love, and not to say that a person and a vampire falling in love is something you would see in your local high school.

Twilight is not reality. It's a STORY. Do people complain about the impact on teens when a dog named Snoopy violently attempts to shoot down the Red Baron...and while not wearing proper aircraft restraints? Does it mean that teens everywhere are unbuckling their airplane seat belts as we speak? I liked Cinderella like any other classic tale, but does it mean there are teens buying up glass shoes and attempting to ride around in a pumpkin?

No. At least, not the sane ones.

The story isn't supposed to be a normal love and reality, like, I'll take out the trash, honey, can you pay the water bill type of life. I saw Edward and Bella as a Princess Bride, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast kind of love. It's mushy and gooey, of course, appealing easily to anyone who fancies teen "I can't live without you" type romance. I don't know anyone who wouldn't love to experience that at least once in their life. Don't we all remember our first love? I do, and don't laugh but his name really was Edward. But I can safely say he was not a 6'1", 108 year old vampire.

That leaves us with Bella's dependence being a bad message? No. The story is simply entertainment in a love story and Stephenie Meyer delivered.

~Bee has seen the (twi) light.

Growing Pains

I'm writing from school today since I have an hour to kill before my next class. School has taken over my life in a profound way but I'm loving it. I'm certain I would not have savored this road in life or even possessed the maturity to appreciate the goal had I gone to school years before. There is something so wonderfully cathartic to be learning. You feel outside of yourself, stretching, reaching, and progressing toward a better life. With great amazement I find that life is coming closer to me and with each step forward I feel stronger and more invincible.

In school, I'm currently writing a research paper on Garadasil, the HPV vaccination. I'm still getting my poop in a group and am feeling overwhelmed as I usually do with any project in which I have to exert brain power. Blogging is easy to me. Research writing, not so much. The writing process feels backwards for me because I typically just sit and write and see what comes out. A good writer can do this but a good writer can also focus, organize, plan, and get outside the box with unfamiliar methodologies simply to hone their craft. Oh, and I'm honing, all right. I want to nail this paper.

Since I'm going through all this 'self-discovery' mixed with liberal growing pains, I've added exercise to my daily repertoire. The first several days of my "Run Fat Boy, Run" audition was a painful success. Now I'm in the groove and religiously running/walking my 2 miles every day. My apartment manager is usually there at the same time. Now, I need to say if you don't know already, I'm a TAD bit competitive. I have this innate need to be superbly good at what I do. This also translates in the workout room.

I'm one of those.

I may not be as thin as the manager but I still can outrun her. She steps it up whenever I get on the treadmill, which cracks me up. Then I *run* while she *walks*. Who is going to go faster?

WHO'S YOUR MOMMY!!!!!!!!

I'm made of German peasant stock so I can take a hammering. My problem is where I tell myself I'm the next Prefontaine. The next day, I'm cursing my competitive streak when I can barely squat to tie my shoes. The pain has subsided since I've been doing my routine daily and I'm getting stronger every day. I'm pleasantly surprised to get out of bed and not creak like an old ship. This is the biggest change. The scale hasn't budged but the scale is the devil anyway.

Oooh, times up. Off and running.

~Bee is feeling the burn

Geeking Out

For those of you who don't know me, I'm a Smallville fan.

Anyone else? Bueller? Bueller?

I love the medical dramas and BBC period shows. I like good writing and Smallville is indeed my favorite. Translation: the only one I buy on iTunes if I miss it and later by the season when it comes out on DVD.

It started with Dapoppins asking me why I didn't watch Smallville. She knew I loved Superman and a good story. So, it's her fault for getting me hooked.

Ever since I was a young girl I had this thing for the Justice League, especially Aquaman. I hit the tender age of 8 and realized that Aquaman, in his dreamy yellow hair and blue eyes, went and got married to that, that...Mera broad. Gah.

All that was left was soggy unrequited love.

Then Christopher Reeve came on the scene in the 1970s. How can you resist a guy that bench presses helicopters and can defy gravity? It wasn't until my teen years that I started to notice the muscles and dimples. Yes, I became a life-long Superman fan.

I know, I know, I've been told I'm a geek. Whatever. If I'm a geek for admiring a man who stands up for peace, justice, and does so while looking fine in tights? Bring it on. I'll be the Queen of Geekdom.

Geeking out in the modern day/age has many more benefits than before as the contemporary geek has more tools at their disposal. This is beyond the poster or the lunch pail. We have IMDB, online chatrooms, forums, conventions, wallpaper, yahoo groups, clothing, screen names, tattoos, bumper stickers, and a world of comics to fuel the modern enthusiast. Lately there has been an incredible move with celebs twittering. Don't think I won't get on Twitter and search for Superman...AND find him.

Twitter is hot. Ashton Kutcher is doing it. Oprah, Hugh Laurie (*confirmed a fake, thx anon) and Kevin Smith are doing it. Shaq tweets and so does Imogen Heap and John Mayer. To my pleasant surprise, Tom Welling tweets, too. I love that celebs are twittering away updates in 140 characters or less and sharing a little more of their lives to us fans.

Twittering Tornados, Batman!

I'm pretty psyched tonight because I 'befriended' Tom Welling on Twitter and he followed me back. woot! Superman is following me. I hope it's Superman. Okay, not Superman, but the next best thing. I immediately tweeted...er, gushed about being a fan and asked Mr Welling if he would direct more in season 9? "Yes, hopefully 2 :)" was his answer. And yes, as far as I can tell, he's the real deal*.

I've met and spotted a lot of celebs in my lifetime: Dennis Quaid, Meg Ryan, Jane Seymore, Madonna, Sally Struthers, Richard Kiel (Moonraker, sans metal teeth). But twittering with Tom Welling is the highlight of my fandom for this very. happy. geek.

~Bee is completely swept up, up, and away.

*I could be wrong and it wouldn't be the first time.

Complexities of Vehicular Malevolence

Some days are worth pondering the complexities in life. Like why my kids can't turn off a bedroom light ForTheLoveOfAll or why the lady at the DMV looks but one martini away from being the token cougar at College Bowling Night.

However, today I ponder even greater signs and wonders. I recently noticed a bumper sticker on my commute to school. The bumper sticker claimed: "Bad a$$ girls drive bad a$$ toys"

I would like to analyze this sentiment because I've been thinking about it for the last three weeks. The day I saw said sticker, I made a huge mental post-it of the car and pondered over the idea:

How evil does your backside have to be when you drive a Yaris?

Is this only true for a Yaris? Does then the villainy extend upwards to your colon or does corruption only centralize sphinctorially? Does it stop at the colon or closer to your appendix? One must know these things.

I'm thinking perhaps anal atrocities do not stop at the colon only because spastic colon can be particularly evil and make a girl even more bad. However, if a woman was involved in a freak industrial accident and was stuck with a colostomy bag and no arms to drive, does this suddenly make her the milk toast of all wickedness?

When "bad a$$ girls" drive something other than a Yaris, it *IS* granted that she will still maintain her vileness. This fact could make her hindquarters exceptionally wicked or less so depending on the make and model of her car.

Girls, I suggest arsiness, badness, and corruption is based on a sliding scale of vehicular malevolence. If you do not own a car, or perhaps just have a driving permit, this scale would not apply. Perhaps your debauchery only starts after you've passed your driving test at the DMV. It's rumored they've written a booklet if you are willing to wait in line for 3 hours to get it. I am not willing, but if someone can confirm? I'd be so obliged.

Back to the bumper sticker...sooo, translation? You are only as "bad" as the car you drive. Really, I am not making this up.

In the spirit of things, I've taken the liberty of drawing up a such a scale with equal grievances for comparison. The scale is actual size and is as factual as your 4th grade diary you once hid in your underwear drawer.


The Grand Scale of Vehicle Badness:

THE YARIS
Sheer debauchery, equal to patrons who talk in the movie theater, muffin top bikinis, not scooping your dogs poop, big 80s hair, and talking to a stranger in the public bathroom stall next to you.

THE CORVETTE
99.9% Sinister evil, equal to cell phones at a funeral that ring "Another One Bites The Dust", eating grapes without paying, one-ply toilet paper, talking about your reoccurring yeast infections openly in a medical terminology class, using acronyms like "OMG" in spoken conversation.

THE HUMVEE
Near moral depravity, aka socks with flip flops, stealing bank pens, hooking up your grandma on match.com, often wears turtleneck dickies that hide muffin neck (akin to muffin top), snores in church.

THE HONDA ACCORD
Serious wickedness, not to exclude using plastic bags at the grocery, paying for Starbucks coffee in pennies, women with mustaches or braided armpit hair.

THE FORD WINDSTAR
Small iniquities like cutting in line at Disneyland, eating gluten, badmouths the Democrat party, wears white after Labor Day.

THE CADDY
Badness is hardly in your vocabulary, you try on shoes without socks on, use tester makeup at the store, eat one whole chicken in a can.

THE SUBARU IMPREZZA
Wishing for badness, burns mix tapes, drinks Coke with vitamins, keeps 50 key chains on keyring, uses the terms, "terlit" and "yousta could".

THE GREMLIN
Badness is leaving the building, still plays with Care Bears, forgets to feed houseplants, reuses tea bags, squeezes the Charmin, has VPL (visible panty lines).

THE YUGO
Void of all wickedness, drinks instant Yuban coffee, tapes Saved By The Bell reruns on VHS, has Kirk Cameron poster on bedroom wall, watches golf on TV, owns florescent-colored banana clips.

So before you run out believing this bumper sticker will fit all types of vehicle, make sure you own a Yaris. Apparently, they are the height of badassery.

~Bee was not talking about a donkey this whole time.