23 July 2009

Can It

I can have an adventure pretty much anywhere, but the grocery is practically Disneyland. When I pull into my grocery, I can't wait to buy, interact with others there, and effectively piss away half my paycheck. See? Disneyland. If the checkers donned mouse ears, I wouldn't know the difference.

What I can't understand is why people purchase things like this giant One Whole Chicken in A Can.

Who in their right mind thought this was a good idea? Were the Chicken Ready people all sitting around one day staring at a pile of over-sized juice cans, "What else can we stuff in here? Gee...I think a chicken would fit."

I thought you wouldn't believe me so I had to stop isle traffic while everyone stared at me taking a photo of this outstanding delicacy. I'm pretty sure it's the most disgusting thing I've seen on a shelf. Aside from tripe or pigs feet in a jar, it's right up there with the top 4.

I was told the can opens up and out comes a chicken in one gelatinous blob. Now that's gonna be tasty. Perfect for company or even Christmas dinners.

Chestnuts roasting on the open fire AND hot damn! A Whole Chicken in Can!

The one in the picture comes without the giblets. I'd hate to open up my Whole Chicken in a Can to find out I'd bought the kind with giblets. Wouldn't you? There has to be room in there for an ENTIRE chicken though, and when I pay for an entire chicken, it darn well better have the giblets, too.

And why not Two Whole Chickens In A Can? Sometimes people get hungry and One Chicken In A Can just won't do.

Another problem is that Whole Chicken In A Can doesn't mention whether this was beheaded chicken, or clawed and footed chicken.

I don't know how I will live on not knowing but I think I'll manage.

~Bee only eats canless chicken.


Whistle Britches said...

What are they doing with the giblets?
I gotta have me giblets.

brooke said...

Oh my gosh. I can't believe that even exists.

McBunni said...

Um, so am I the only one here sick enough to buy the canned chicked to satisfy the curiosity of, "What does it look/smell/feel/taste like?" I would TOTALLY buy that thing! Hee hee hee hee!

Gen said...

I have NEVER seen that product before. Now I want to buy it just to see what it looks like when it comes out. Gross!

Don't you wish you really could buy a can of whoop ass and open it up? I wish that a lot.

Whistle Britches said...

I understand the gelatinous blob is a delicacy in Hawaii.

Anonymous said...

I see a business in the making ;)

... Paige said...

That does sound kinda gross. But could we possibly persuade you to maybe purchase said canned chicken and take a photo of it perhaps even tasting it or have one of the kids taste it? {Unknowingly of course}
About that zit below, some folks eat chocolate when they become stressed and therefore it was the stress and not the chocolate that created the mountain out of the molehill.
I'm just saying

Whistle Britches said...

I'm still waiting to open my Can of Whoopass.

Anonymous said...

I have not been so fortunate to come across one of these in my travels- you must be very observant, or your grocery store is just weird.

... Paige said...

And we finally got this here. seen it a couple of weeks ago at the HEB

The Superfluous Blogger said...

is there a drinkable version? shouldn't there be? and of course, the schnaaps-chicken version should soon follow.

oooooh i want me some chicken now!

but only from a can. ..
after all, that's how i eat my ....em...well, everything...

Heather D said...

That is just, well, vomit inducing. I'm pretty open minded about food but I have to draw the line at whole animals stuffed into cans. Come on, now.

Momo Fali said...

And, now I'm gagging.

Stacey said...

I had heard talk of such a thing, but never saw it til your post. All I can say is, "Yuck!!"

Doozie said...

I can vouch for this, the chicken indeed comes out in a gelatinous blob.

What you have to ask yourself, is did it have large talons? did they take it from the cage whilst it was yet brooding? And if you are weird enough to buy this item, you would want the giblets, so why have two different kinds.

This revolutionalizes the whole idea of putting things in cans. we could go on for hours about the benefits of putting things in cans

Post a Comment

"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe