04 September 2005

My Baby Stopped A Bank Robber

Several years ago, I brought newborn Baby Girl downtown to my old bank branch to show her off, as all good mothers would. She was my first child and having worked 8 to 9 hour days until the day before my delivery, her visit was well-anticipated by all the branch employees.

It wasn't too busy but the phones were non-stop. I sat in the lounge area, waiting for a friend to go to lunch. I'm standing, rocking the baby in her sling and I see a man walk into the branch. He stopped as he walked in, that's what caught my eye. Heading over to the courtesy writing counter, he then grabbed a blank deposit slip and scribbled on the back. I watched him closely. I'd been through half a dozen bank robberies before and he looked odd. I always notice the odd ones.

He eyeballed the cameras, one at a time. Then he checked out the doors. He looked so nervous and scared, he'd missed me staring at first. I stood up, still watching him, Jaina tight in the baby sling around me. It was then I caught his eye.

I knew what he was going to do. I smiled big.

Staring directly at him, I started bouncing on my toes as if to console the baby. He looked away quickly, my eyes burning an image in my head.  

Blue jeans, nike shoes, 6ft, lean build, pointy chin....

but to him, I was 'just a woman holding a baby'. He averted his gaze to the counter top while stating loudly enough for me to hear, "Oh, mumble mumble...busy, I'll have to come back later". He bolted out the door, wading the paper in his hand and pushing it into his pocket. As it turned out, I was told another bank nearby got robbed that very same day.

So The Story Goes... My baby girl stopped a bank robbery before she could even walk.

-Bee is pretty observant

04 May 2005

plus 7 minutes equals coffee please.

The newspaper is always a welcome read when couched between the 6am hour, and sipping a cup of strong, black coffee. MM good....

Coffee in the NW can be a full experience where you also receive a complimentary fork with your latte. Ask for the grounds and save the trouble.

I'm not a typical morning person, chipper, cheery, and bounding out of bed like Pollyanna. I am the very reason they make snooze alarms. I can't get out of bed at 5am like the weirdos dropping off children in the carpool lane.

These women are machines. Stepford Moms with perfectly finished hair, makeup, sporting cheery faces along with their clean and ironed outfits. I do not think they sleep. They probably don't have breakfast stuck in their teeth and not wearing yesterday's eyeliner around their chin.

There are dads, with travel mugs and clean (matching!) shirt and jeans. They are shaved. They smell nice. I don't know how they do this. They are sipping hot coffee and not wearing their pajamas. They are married to those Stepford Wives, no doubt.

If I had to choose, and there are days...I'd go in pj's and buy my cup of coffee.

Choices. Choices.

I chose to sleep in 7 minute increments through the 6am hour. In between math calculations and hitting 'SNOOZE', I rationalizing the time difference between toothbrush, armpit fresh, and out the door with the minuscule time I leave myself to get the kids to school without breaking land speed records. Last possible second, I am bouncing out of bed, frantic with less than a minute to spare.

Why do I do this to myself?

If my shoes match and I don't have breath that would curl wallpaper, I'm really doing well. If I get up early to focus on the day (No road raging), and prepare for what the day unfolds.

Either way, I will still need my cup of coffee or at least coffee grounds. I'm not picky.

~Bee is good at long division.

19 April 2005

Free Is a Very Good Price

Do you ever get commercials so stuck in your head that you can't get rid of them? My kids saw the Mattress World truck pull up next door and while loading in the van for school, my children serenaded the driver at about 200 decibles,

"IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO SLEEP LIKE A BABY......MATTRESS WORLD!!"

I am certain their drivers receive this kind of melodic abuse regularly. I remember as a child, reacting the same way to anything free. Tom Peterson's (was and is) a furniture / electronic store that gave away stuff with your purchase. He is now a retail legend in Portland, OR and as any Pacific NW native could vouch, "Free IS a very good price."

In other news, I got a care package from sweet AJ yesterday!! Full of goodies like sweets, a very cool notebook, an itty bitty light, and a fancy, pocket-sized toothpick holder which hubby immediately confiscated for his own. There is nothing that says manly like a your own toothpick holder. Thank you AJ, you are a sweetie!!

With the holdiays gone and back to the grind, I've been selling more things on half.com. I saw this $125 clock on eBay and I want it. Fifteen years ago, Dapoppins had one just like it and when we were roomies (technically, it was just me coming over to her apartment) this thing would blare you out of bed. It was so loud, I though it would make me sterile, "HEY! BABY WAKE UP, COME AND DANCE WITH ME!!"

I have fond memories of the rock and roll chicken clock.


Mr. Coffee and I have been looking for jobs. I'm not living in a van down by the river next month. No, I'm not whining. I promised myself and my friends that I wouldn't. I'm waiting to hear about my first interview. It's been interesting seeing the questions on the applications.

Describe your proficiency in Access, Outlook, Excel, Word....

Let's put this in perspective. When I left full-time employment, dial-up was king, Pentium 2's were all the rage, and iPod's weren't even heard of. You see my problem here?

I googled, I learned, I have another skill going on my resume thanks to HP. Hewlett Packard is my new favorite, aside from having their all-in-one scanner, printer, fax, copier, camera docker thingie, their website offers free classes.

Maybe this will give me the confidence to go on to an actual College. We'll see...

19 January 2005

The Cake Hole Tour

Do you know there actually is a band named Cake? Like the food. My sister just told me about this band and I just laughed. Cake..Really? I guess it's better than a band called something like, Your Mom.

"Dude! I totally love Your Mom! Your Mom rocks!"

Band names crack me up but what is even funnier are bands that tour together that really shouldn't solely due to their band name. Work with me here....

For instance, if Cake should ever tour with Hole it would be The Cake Hole Tour.

I decided to put together my own top ten list of bands that should never tour together. Here they are in no particular order:

Snow Patrol with Dead or AliveEarth, Wind and Fire with Jet
Bananarama with The Monkeys
Kings X
with Queen
Thievery Corporation
with The Police
The Cure
with The Fixx
Garbage
with Flock of Seagulls
Pink Martini
with Smashmouth
The Shins
with Switchfoot
Isn't that fun? I think the Cake Hole Tour is still my favorite.