These Facebook ads are wildin'. This story you are about to hear may or may not have been an actual reenactment, interpretive dance, or part of the Colonial Days talent show at your local elementary school.
Me, signing into Facebook:.....
Ad: "Alcohol is bad. We have something better. for the price of four dozen eggs and in two installments of $49.99"
Me: ....... *rolls eyeballs*
Ad: "Pot gummies! Its a great alternative."
Me: "How about just stop drinking and, I don't know, just save your money?"
Ad: "But how will you sleep?"
Me: "On my piles of money."
Ad: "Don't be like that. These are delicious. They come in pina colada, screwdriver, pink martini..."
Me: "So they taste like booze and cost money like booze. Who has egg money these days? Do I look like I run Pelosi's stock portfolio?"
Me: "Dude. Chill. Those gummies aren't working too well are they? Have you tried... ♫ peeeeen-yaaa cola-DA and getting caught in the rain... ♪"
Ad: "Okay, here are a bunch of friend suggestions of people you n.e.v.e.r. wanted to see again. Aww, here is that former co-worker that was always late and smelled like hard-boiled eggs."
Me: "I'm going to Total Wine today and buying Bero. Tom Holland makes that fake beer."
Ad: *clutches pearls in Python and LAMP stack*
Me: *Blocks Ad* I've never been high in my life, but I feel calmer already.
~Bee may or may not have changed the story for her own amusement.
Listening to: Talk by Selena Gomez (Not cool, Stealena, sampling from Cake's Never There)
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