Coffee Makes Me Horny. No. Not That Kind.

My funniest memory of my car, "Cinderella" is classic dork on my part.

I named my Honda Accord Cinderella because she was svelte and perfect. I miss her still. But I have to tell you about this one incident with her. One that I chalk up to one of my Top Ten Most Embarrassing Moments...top Embarrassing Car Moment for sure.

At the time I was working at a bookstore that sounded like Farnes and Doble. I'd work late and of course, it was worth it to support the family's book buying habits.

I typically finished my shift at 11 or 11:30pm which meant I could wreck on my way home or stop for a Starbuck's bottled coffee and be up for a few hours. I stayed up regardless of my job, so this was a good alternative to nodding off on a dark stretch of highway and becoming roadkill.

On this particular night, I stopped in at the grocery, got my coffee, and was immediately back on the road. The deserted highway was several miles of long stretch, no street lamps and no lights. It was a good 10 minutes of driving until I turned off toward my house. It was long enough time to get sleepy, but that night the road was open to me, my coffee, and getting home.

I was typically unnerved by the lack of headlights and other drivers but within 10 minutes I would have been walking into my house. I grabbed the coffee bottle and peeled open the wrapper. I popped the lid and shifted gears.  

MMMMmmm coffee!

I shifted again with open bottle in hand while simultaneously steering. I picked up speed as I merged off the on-ramp and traveled down the highway. In my rearview mirror, I saw car lights coming up on me.  

YAY! Headlights. A Highway Buddy!

It somehow made me feel safer with another car on the road but I still couldn't wait to get home. I stepped on the gas and shift into 5th gear. By this point, I was doing the octopus to keep from spilling or crashing.

On a side note, don't you just hate that when you shift down and not up. Dude. You know what I mean. If you read in my earlier post, you end up plastered to the windshield with the RPMs completely in the red with the car ready to blow a rod. If you are laughing right now, you have done this yourself, you dork. Okay, so have I, moving on....

With my mind on my warm bed waiting for me, I juggled in the front seat and passed Highway Buddy in the fast lane. Just as I get past him, out of the blue, I was startled with a car horn blaring at me.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..........."

It continued on,

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE .....EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......"

I immediately got sick to my stomach.

WHAT IS HE DOING?! 

I was right next to this person and they were speeding up to keep pace.  

What the heck??? I don't know them, do I? Are they psycho? OMG! I've ticked off Highway Buddy and now he is going to ram me off the road like some lame USA Cable movie. I'll be buried in a shallow grave off the highway.

I did what any normal scared to death female driving alone on a deserted highway would do: I put my foot on the gas. I look over frantically. He is STILL blaring his horn at me. He continued to speed up with me and kept pace.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..."

By this time, my life was flashing before me. I could see glinting eyes looking over at me through the dark.  

Lord HELP ME! I have some sicko road-rager after me. I'M GONNA DIE!

.....EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!"

After about, what seemed 30 seconds of blaring, the noise finally stopped. Finally. My heart was racing and I punched it. I saw his lights in my rear view mirror and glanced down to see how fast I was going.

85mph. Awesome. Just. Get. Home.

Then I saw my problem and it hit me. In my tiredness, shifting gears, and haste to get home, I managed to press my own Starbucks bottle against the horn button on my steering wheel.

I was honking. At my own self.

Dumb ass.

I wanted to die of embarrassment. Although, I bet you a Starbuck's Frapp that Highway Buddy probably lost a day of his life in sheer fright. He almost died at the hand of the Highway Road Rager in the Honda Accord.

~Bee does stupid things when she is tired.