Can It

I can have an adventure pretty much anywhere, but the grocery is practically Disneyland. When I pull into my grocery, I can't wait to buy, interact with others there, and effectively piss away half my paycheck. See? Disneyland. If the checkers donned mouse ears, I wouldn't know the difference.

What I can't understand is why people purchase things like this giant One Whole Chicken in A Can.


Who in their right mind thought this was a good idea? Were the Chicken Ready people all sitting around one day staring at a pile of over-sized juice cans, "What else can we stuff in here? Gee...I think a chicken would fit."

I thought you wouldn't believe me so I had to stop isle traffic while everyone stared at me taking a photo of this outstanding delicacy. I'm pretty sure it's the most disgusting thing I've seen on a shelf. Aside from tripe or pigs feet in a jar, it's right up there with the top 4.

I was told the can opens up and out comes a chicken in one gelatinous blob. Now that's gonna be tasty. Perfect for company or even Christmas dinners.

Chestnuts roasting on the open fire AND hot damn! A Whole Chicken in Can!

The one in the picture comes without the giblets. I'd hate to open up my Whole Chicken in a Can to find out I'd bought the kind with giblets. Wouldn't you? There has to be room in there for an ENTIRE chicken though, and when I pay for an entire chicken, it darn well better have the giblets, too.

And why not Two Whole Chickens In A Can? Sometimes people get hungry and One Chicken In A Can just won't do.

Another problem is that Whole Chicken In A Can doesn't mention whether this was beheaded chicken, or clawed and footed chicken.

I don't know how I will live on not knowing but I think I'll manage.

~Bee only eats canless chicken.

I Should Have Entered The Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest

As the big letters spelling PIE passed in front of her, filling her tri-toned windshield right before impact, her eyes couldn't help but catch a glimpse in the rear view mirror of how lovely she looked, face gently framed by her new No-Fade, No-Drip Revlon #184 hair color she had done herself thanks to Hair Hut Beauty Supply, only to be jerked back into a fearful reality by the inevitable prophetic absoluteness of her mother's voice that stuck in her head, "You better have on clean underwear if you ever get into an accident with Bradley Pie Truck".
~Jenn of Bee Repartee, safe driving, clean laundry wearing blogger.

For the 2009 Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest winners click here.

Abby Was Busy So I Need Your Advice

I'm making myself take the time to post. For those who live in Siberia and haven't heard, I'm going to school starting Monday. Is it wrong that I tell every.one who will listen? Maybe not the best news my gyno has heard, but still I am so proud.

I'd love to solicit advice from anyone who has warmed the benches of academia. Should I carry a book bag? Backpack? Plastic sacks with "Value Village" printed on them? What would you recommend?

I haven't purchased my books yet, but summa cum laud-dee-dah, Psychology-Pants Doozer from My Dirty Shovel blog has instructed me to wait. And really, who wouldn't take orders from her unless they are up for a good shovel whacking upside the head.

She told me this waiting game is to avoid buying the third $80 book when your instructor has decided to use only two of the 'required' three. Why do they do this?

Then the question remains: Can you bring consumables into the class in mugs, like coffee, water, or slug of gin? Should I bring a spiral notebook? Pen and paper? I feel very unprepared. 

Getting to school was going to be an issue as The Anti-Christ repair bill was as expected. We will miss our firstborn child.

The mechanic scheduled the van repair yesterday but the scrapyard sold the repair shop a bum trans-axle and had to yet again, swap the part for another one. I have no idea what a trans-axle is other than it's the thingie that turns the wheel thingies from the engine thingie. From it's name it must also come from a Trans-Am. Road-raging will be a breeze here on out.

Even as I type, my lovely and amazing Father In Law is enroute with their second vehicle for our temporary use. This is a blessing because now I can get to school, grocery shop, and not have to walk 2 to 3 miles every day in the rain to get the baby girl from Kindergarten.

As for today, Mr Coffee and I are going out on a date. Date nights are necessary to sneak in whenever possible and I admit, I relish going anywhere to eat where the menus don't also come with crayons. We have a Cheesecake Factory Christmas gift card burning a hole in my pocket. Yum.

Have a good rest of your weekend and leave your school supply list in comments. I'm gunning for the Value Village bags, but maybe you have a better suggestion?

~Bee is going to school. yay.
Listening to: Kids by MGMT