09 October 2005

Barbie Meets Aunt Ruth

How can you not like this face? Would you harbor any grudges against it? Well, pull up a chair, gentle reader, and I will share with you a tale that will knock you...well, er....dead.

Once upon a time there was an Aunt nicknamed Rue who lived with her nieces and nephews. Now Rue loved her nieces and nephews despite the fact that behind their cherub faces, they couldn't see a reason for allowing her to sleep in or hug her gently when she was holding a steaming cup of coffee. The white comforter was not spared. Neither was her expensive black dinner gown.

Scissors + children = -decorative tassels.

Anyone interested in buying a "newly hemmed" $100 dress?

The ensuing havoc was normal for the household, but this made little difference in Rue's mind. These darlings could do no wrong...at least for the day. However, the day was young and little did anyone suspect that before pj's were donned and teeth were brushed, the back yard would look horribly similar to a CSI crime scene.

This day would unfold into something so sinister it would leave everyone speechless.

It was this tragic day, Aunt Rue decided to give Bee a coffee break. These two were sisters so Rue did not mind watching young ones while Bee would bolt for a few minutes of relished freedom.

Off Bee would go, to a coffee shop to sink into a novel and grab a quiet cup o' joe. This mother of four would end up clutching her coffee, dreaming of a different life filled with light colored carpet, a body that defied gravity, and convertible two-seaters that looked nothing like her ugly Ford Minivan.

For Bee, these highly cherished mini-breaks greatly reduced insanity, babbling idiot moments, and a welcome side effect? No hangovers.

Bee could not be more thankful...on all counts.

While Bee was indulging in her delusions of sanity, Rue nurtured and adored the children by indulging them in some time out of doors. Rue would send them to the backyard for some sunshine while declaring babysitting was the best birth control ever.

Then she heard it. The Nothingness. The Silence. It cut the air like a knife, or a really quiet spatula. It was too quiet in an eerily abnormal What Are The Kids Doing Now kind of way.

"Evil is brewing here!", Rue thought to herself as she sprung into action.

She popped her head outside to check in on the little cherubs and was greeted by Max's toothless smile, a smile made possible by his recent transaction with the tooth fairy.

"...and what is this?", Rue asked herself.

She quickly grabbed her camera phone, "A Kodak moment....", her voice trailed off as she snapped pictures like crazed paparazzi.

Whatever could it be?

say it isn't so......

Barbie hanging by a tree!
In an evening gown, no less.

Oh dear Barbie! Your life has been snuffed by a maniacal 6 year old!

There is just something
so disturbing, yet completely normal about this picture.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OOOH! Poor Barbie! Good lord, what a chuckle! That is what she gets for being so skinny, and large chested and not having to ever wear a bra!

Apparently Bee's boys have not yet discovered the mystique of the BLOND.
LOVE the pics. What a good laugh.

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe