16 January 2008

Tire for Your Thoughts?

Today I went to Tire Mega Warehouse. No, my tire shop is not Tire Mega Warehouse, but if I tell you what the name is, you would attempt to call each and every location to hunt me down, I just know it. You'd find out that I was the woman who brought in the 1996 Ford Windstar that smelled like old coffee and needed the original struts and Uncle Buck shocks replaced.

If you do not know what Uncle Buck shocks are, feast your eyeballs on this youtube beauty. It's one of my favorite laugh out loud 80's movies.

After only an hour and forty-five minutes, they extracted the offending nail from the back tire. I can't imagine what took so long. The only other guy that was 'ahead' of me in line was irritated that it was taking so long and was pacing like mad. He must have argued with the front desk three times. The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease. Apparently, it waits forever in the tire store bay.

I contemplated many things while I sat and waited.

•I was put on this planet to help other people build character.

•I wonder why people think a lift kit on a mini van is remotely a good thing.

•The virtual wheels computer program makes me laugh when I put giant spinners and 22's on my virtual van.

•Why does the popcorn taste so good in the tire store?

•I'm glad I brought my own coffee.

•If you act rude to customer service, they don't work faster and may perhaps, use your vehicle for training purposes.

•Which reminds me, if you had your head up your nether regions, there are benefits. 1)You would never have cold ears, 2)wouldn't worry about bad hair days, 3)could yell at anyone and never upset a soul and lastly, the bright side? You could perform your own colonoscopies for free.

•If you unwedged properly, you wouldn't have to worry about regularity any more, your head would stink and yes, you would look like Gollum for a few days.

•I've got to stop four-wheeling over construction sites in my van.

•My four year old loves the fact I carry around a lot of change.

•We both like vending machine Jelly Bellys.

•I have to buy struts, shocks, and tires AND get an alignment after I sell my organs on craigslist.

•I am glad I walked this morning.

•I can't wait for more entries to my 3rd Annual Mullet Photo Contest!

•When was the last time I blogged?

Now you know.


Anonymous said...

What IS it about their popcorn? Sprinkled with crack maybe? I go in there sometimes and pretend to have a car in the bay just for that reason.

Also, I'm sure you could find more entrants for your mullet contest at that place. They're coiftacular!

Anonymous said...

I could hit some of the dudes up at the karaoke bar on Friday for more entries. I know. I'll take stealth pictures with my cell phone and send 'em to ya. Except the pictures I take there never turn out. Too dark.

I can't wait to see all the entries!

Anonymous said...

thank GOD i don't have access to a jelly belly vending machine. i would be able to do nothing else with my day. a *series* of interventions would be needed, each more "this will hurt me more than it hurts you" than the last.

Anonymous said...

Priceless. Thanks for letting me wade around in your stream of consciousness for a bit.

Anonymous said...

A most unusual day, a fun day, a free thinking day, a jelly bean eating, popcorn popping day.

I want one!

Anonymous said...

I hate the smell. I couldn't eat popcorn in there just based on the smell alone.

Anonymous said...

That's funny - I was just going to say, they put popcorn in there so you'll forget that you're in there smelling tire smell for the next six hours (which will then take 12 hours to leave your nose, mouth, clothes, hair, and person).

The squeaky wheel can be entertaining.

Anonymous said...

Your wisdom continues to confound me.
Excellent work!

Anonymous said...

Also luv that Uncle Buck movie...too many good parts to mention.

Oh and this little gem?

"Which reminds me, if you had your head up your nether regions, there are benefits. You would never have cold ears, wouldn't worry about bad hair days, could yell at anyone and never upset a soul and the bright side? You could perform your own colonoscopies for free!"

Funniest thing I've read in quite a while, Ems.

Anonymous said...

Uncle Buck is one the the BEST.

And Dr's. actually perform an operation called a "plasectomy"...where they install a glass stomach in people whose heads are so far up their butts -- so they can see where they are going.

Anonymous said...

Cool! My 4 YO daughter likes jelly beans too. Her mom doesn't approve that I keep a stash of candy in my car for both of us. I just bring up the fact that my wife's mother has a stash in her car as well.

All that thinking at the tire store.

I just wonder why it smells so funny my preciousessssss!


Anonymous said...

Loooove your ring tone selection. And looove the laughs you just gave me. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

What, did you take notes while you where there too?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

ashiki was nice, but she kept pointing at me with her chop sticks saying, 'you is sexy man'. it was flattering, but it got on my nerves after a while.

Anonymous said...

You are too funny!

Anonymous said...

I had to get new tires for my truck last year. It was A LOT of scratch. Of course I had to get truck tires and I have 16 inch rims - but still! It was $500 something bucks.

And now....NOW.....I have to take the truck in for service. I could change the oil myself, but there is a mystery noise. I hate the mystery noise. No telling what it is. I hope is not an expensive mystery noise!

Anonymous said...

is it wrong to go into that tire store, pretend to be a customer, distract front counter with redundant questions whilst the boy grabs popcorn? we like that popcorn, we don't know whats in it but we like it

Anonymous said...

Have you seen that "Olan Mills" email, that's going around? Lots of good mullets inn there! Ha ha!

Anonymous said...

Is it as cold over there as it is over here?


Anonymous said...

OMG! nether regions. lol. Just to point out a small fact about me, my ears are very very cold thank you.
And the popcorn is laced. I don't know what with but that's what keeps y'all going back cause it's sure not the service.

Anonymous said...

My mommy almost named me Uncle
Buck but thought she might get tongue tied or something when yelling at me for being a bad kid.

I'm tired.

Anonymous said...

I love the Jelly Bellies. Can I sit in the tire store with you next time?

Anonymous said...

I need to go to the tire store more often. It seems to be the only place to really sit and think...

Anonymous said...

I never ``tire'' of humour, so you really made me smile, on the other side of the world in Australia.

Your check is in the nail, er, mail!

Anonymous said...

I think there are more negatives than benefits to having your head up your nether regions. You have no idea what kind of a picture you have put in my mind. :p

Anonymous said...

Great post!!

Anonymous said...

this looks like a great film, i haven't seen it! I adore John Candy though and feel sad whenever i see him, that we have lost that talent.

Anonymous said...

LOL looks like you had fun;) people like that tend to drive me bonkers ugh

Anonymous said...

Uncle Buck - I love it. Love the scene where he pulls the axe out of this trunk.

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe