11 December 2014

Can I Gift Wrap Your Face?


It is my favorite time of year.

Strip away all of the commercialism, complaining, awkward Christmas parties, and rum flavored bricks disguised as "fruitcake" and I'm just like that sugar-filled, befooted-pajama-wearing child on Christmas Eve all over again. I like the family time, the meaning behind Christmas, and the smell of a fresh cut tree. I love giving and helping others (although, this?...someone can do year round). I have scores of good memories of Christmases past. It really is my favorite time of year.

This season, with a lull in my college classes (long story...) and a family to support with hubs, I took on a part-time job selling books. Discount is lovely. Talking, sharing, reading, and smelling books are favorite past times so the job made sense. Having extra moolah at Christmas is also a bonus.

Working in the public eye with people once again has reminded me why this line of work is not my favorite. I think that somehow people have gotten progressively more demanding, entitled, and downright rude over the decades. This is still the exception to the rule but either way, I'll still smile and give the customer my undivided attention.

Although, if you declare that an item "Must be free today!" when the register scanner can't pick up the UPC? I'll probably want to stab you in the left eyeball. (I'm right handed). I only hear this line at least twice a day.

If your credit card is declined, I'm fairly certain when you gaze at me imploringly, that I haven't misplaced your bank statement, I will not magically pull an approval out of my ear, nor am I responsible for balancing your account. Running it four more times will not make money appear in your account. Sorry.

If you want to use half a dozen coupons and they are expired, think of it as week old hamburger in the fridge. If you use it everyone will want some. Then everyone will get diarrhea and...

Okay, forget the hamburger thing.

If I allow it, I have to allow everyone the same. All is fair in love but not coupons. I just can't...even when you plead and look at me like I'm a whey-faced sheep herder for not allowing only YOU to use expired coupons. If you were Queen Nefertiti, we may consider it...or the Pope...or the BatDad guy from youtube. He's super hilarious.

I'll still offer free gift wrap even though, under your breath, I might have heard you question my parentage and/or encouraged me to fornicate with myself.

If you have a penny for change, feel free to quip about "booking the cruise" or "woo hoo, one penny!" I will think of the old adage, "A penny saved is a penny earned. And a million pennies will get you a nice vacation." I just made up that last part even though its true.

If you say "Merry Christmas", I will say "Merry Christmas" right back. They can fire me if that's a problem. If my cares were a calculator, it would say, "0".

If you ask about a book "with a blueish cover with stars or something on it" I will probably refer you to The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. Otherwise, I apologize for not memorizing the billions of covers that roll through a bookstore. This is is just inevitability with most booksellers, librarians, etc...  In fact, according to Scientific American, the brain’s memory storage capacity is close to 2.5 petabytes (that's a million gigabytes). My brain on the other hand, has difficulty remembering where I set my coffee 5 minutes ago. BUT! I'll do my best to find you that blueish cover with stars.

If you talk with me about books, a good sale, or finding an awesome present, I will be genuinely happy with you and for you.

Lastly, if you ask me who wrote the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, I will still find your book, but will most likely end up making you feel stupid.

(SPOILER: Its Ben Franklin)

This is that thing again called inevitability. Like fruitcake bricks at Christmas, awesome presents, cold cups of coffee, and the occasional urge to ask, "Can I gift wrap your face?"

-Bee prefers Christmas chocolate
Listening to: Pandora oldies Christmas music


Leslee said...

Actually, the autobiography of Ben Franklin was written by BENJAMIN Franklin, gee, get it right book seller woman. :P

The Boss said...

Merry Christmas.

The Boss said...

Since last we talked, I got hair plugs, $20k, not cheap, lost 20lbs from cutting out my coke at lunch, now own 4 bikes, traded my MB in for aToyota Avalon, started using lotion on more than mr happy now I don't itch, got a gun trust but still can't beat a drone, mined from the outback bar to the Chilis bar, love the presidente margarita.

Bee said...

Hair plugs are itchy, so I hear. Better to look like you were born before 1957 when you hit on girls in a bar, though.

I finally vacuumed up all the glitter from Christmas. Youd be proud.

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe