02 April 2011

Speed Writing and Ankle Grabbing

I pretty much guarantee this will be a bumpy ride of a post.

I've been writing a lot and an exercise for writing is speed writing. I'm not particularly fond of it. It's not my style, but it's writing exercise to beef up my wordsmith butchery. Speed writing is to write what comes to mind. Scary for me and a nightmare for you. In some cases, this can be an incredibly stretching exercise. In other cases, more like an exorcism. And some cases are Samsonite and are getting their handles broken off at the airport after being re-routed through Nigeria.

You can only guess which category I'm fitting in: exorcism. My head keeps spinning and I'm vomiting green goo as we speak.

I'm sitting here at my desk and admiring my pile of papers I've managed to accumulate. Not papers, like newspapers because we don't get the newspaper, but mail and school papers we have in tree trunk loads.

I should be more diligent in opening mail, as I have in the past. No, it's more fun to smoosh a papery path to my monitor so I can see my screen properly. Not having a surface to dust is just a bonus.

The truth is fairly simple: I haven't been too excited to read that Geico still wants my business and my electric bill is due. Even though I pay it online. The electric bill, not Geico. I know, bad news doesn't change with time. Of course, good news doesn't change either. We've had a live, warm body of an insurance agent that has kept our business since Mr Coffee was 15, growing chest hair, and drooling over Camaros. Let's just say it's been a while. So, we don't switch to Geico to not save a lot on car insurance.

I'm sorry. Double negatives in writing are confusing and a no-no. Just don't not roll with it.

Speaking of rolling, my insurance has gone up a tad in this term, which makes me wonder how it can with a 14 yr old van that is losing value and we haven't claimed anything on the insurance except for three windshields in the last 18 years. It's kind of a funny concept to think that insurance companies are betting that you will get in an accident. You are betting them you won't and show it by paying them to think you will get in an accident. That's almost as fun as double negatives.

I think insurance is taking a page from the gas companies and banks. It's from the chapter, "How To Make Your Customers Turn Around and Grab Their Ankles."

Nothing like a reference to your Hey Now to get your attention. Crude? Perhaps (sorry, Mom) but I don't write the book so I'll let you take that how you will.

Not will, like death and taxes, and Great Auntie popped off years ago blessing you with a ton of money. It's will, like "however you want to take it." kind of will. Because, yes, Great Auntie would have stroked out long ago at the cost of gas prices. She'd also raise a missing eyebrow, thanks to too much plucking in her younger years, at the banks customer service that holds a fee of $5 to talk to someone other than an automated message.

Your business is important to us. Please hold for eight years for the next combative customer service representative.

The only good news about Great Auntie stroking out, because face it - she's your favorite, is that you'd be willed enough money to never worry about money or gas prices. Banks would also treat you differently because you had giant bank accounts. Like, a Starbucks built at the end of your driveway and a swimming pool full of money in your basement.

Still...I'm not changing to Geico.

~Bee says, "Not in a speed-writing minute."

Listening to "You Are A Tourist" by Death Cab for Cutie


ancient one said...

Bumpy? yes
Gas? got it.. not fair
Geico? not cheaper
Great Auntie? wish I had one
Bill paying? hate it
Funny? always...
Keep on writing...

Heffalump said...

Lovely to read your writing, speed written or not!

... Paige said...

no worries dear Bee, I'm a speed reader. lol I only stumbled once when I stopped to dream about having a Great Auntie.

JD said...

Ok I am impressed! Stayed generally to one topic and tied it in so nicely! Those skillz I just dream about.

a_coocoobrain said...

What are you talking about?Double negatives aren't not easy to understand. Not even almost in the slightest (redundant, I know) Double negatives are both simple and easy (not being redundant this time)
Other than that... UBER JOB!

Kaycee said...

Now all I can think about is a Starbucks at the end of my driveway, and how awesome that would be. Expensive, but awesome!

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