25 March 2008

It's Only A Hershey Bunny

I woke up today with a boulder on my chin. You couldn't see it but it felt like a boulder. It was a stress zit. When I stress, I routinely break out with a mutant zit thing that pulls it's own gravity and hides subdermally, appearing to have come from deep in my brain stem.

Ironic that they come from the brain stem because it's my mulling things over, in my brain stem, that gets me stressed.

Haha. Gee, that's funny. It is so funny that I can't breathe. No, really. I have a giant chocolate bunny head still stuck in my esophagus. From Easter.

On second thought, it couldn't be all the chocolate I raided from the kids' Easter baskets?

Would it?

No, I did not think so. I would never raid my kids' baskets, just Mr Coffee's.

I am stressed lately. What happened to the days when I would only contemplate simple things, like which art gallery I'd go to next weekend, or if I should pick the Crate and Barrel white or eggshell colored pillows for my loveseat?

I call it a good day when I have a clean, yet full coffee cup and I'm able to scrounge up enough money for gas off the van floor. If I am color coordinated and my hair is brushed? Holy moly, that is a good day.

I went to pick up my kids today at school and parked. This guy pulls into the end of the tiny parking area and pulls in next to me against the curb.

Picture it now, vehicles to my right. Curbed, white painted, cross-checked lane to my left and vehicle egress, again to my right.

Mr Beached Whale squeezes in next to me. I look over and smile, hoping I can telepathically relay to him that he has blocked my door, three inches from my van, and thisclose to taking off my mirror.

He smiled over at me and then pulled forward just enough to let me out. To be nice.

I'm sure it's feasible Mr Whale would have broken both legs and ruptured a lung if he had parked and walked a whole half a block.

How could I not openly photograph and mock er...admire a man who teaches his kids those little lessons in life, those nuggets of wisdom, like breaking the rules when you are too lazy.

Or even raiding someone else's Easter candy....oh, snap.

~Bee is not clearasil clear


Foo said...

“I woke up today with a boulder on my chin.”

All I have to say is that I hope you had someone examine that thing with a strong lens to make sure you weren't setting the apocalypse in motion for thousands of residents of Whoville.

As for the whale, you really have to admire those people who have the geocentric self confidence (arrogance... you say tomayto; I say tomahto) to do such things. I feel like such an antique when I go out among my fellow bipeds, because I still go out of my way not to be an imposition to anyone else. Which, of course, is an absurd notion to begin with, when you're the sort who renders all around you invisible as you shove your way to the front of every line.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

You know, I've seen a blog for people like him. I don't remember the exact name but it's called something like Park like an a**hole.com where you take pictures of cars and submit then to the site. It's a valuable community service if you ask me.

Whistle Britches said...

I consider it a good day when my Larry Hagmanesque eyebrows maintain a horizontal growing pattern.

Gen said...

I have one of those on my chin too, and I'm VERY stressed, but I'm also on my period, and it wouldn't be a happy period if I didn't have Mt. St. Helen's on my chin.

Bee said...

fortunately the fallout is contained to my chin ache. You and I are a magnanimous sort, altruistic, and a dying breed. (not figuratively dying..."I'm thirty-seven! I'm not old!")

Even when I hold the door open for someone out of courtesy. Not one glance or thank you. I keep thinking, I wonder what this next generation is going to be like. yikes.

~runs googling~

@uncle joe,
horizontal=good. growing into hairline=bad. growing into chin=me no likey

we are on the same schedule. and you needed to know that, I suppose.

cathouse teri said...

I don't think people are quite aware of how much of a hindrance their vehicles can be. Sorta like not knowing you have a big ass blocking everyone's path or a big head, blocking everyone's view at the theater!

(I've nothing against big asses ~ since I have one ~ or big heads... just so you don't go about pretending you think you're all tiny! hee hee)

Thanks for dropping by, babe!

Momo Fali said...

Ah yes, I know those underground, painful welts. I find myself stressed out in just about every situation. Somewhere between 26 and 36, I became a bundle of nerves...and acne.

holly said...

i am proving it's not the chocolate!

i haven't had chocolate in this, the year 2008. none. nada. zilch. am i zit free?

(stop lookin' at me) no.

it's a real pity someone didn't accidentally key beached whale's car.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I love it when people do that to me. OOPS! I opened my door too hard! OOPS! Did it again! OH NO! Not again!!! Now let me put the beer bottle opener on my keys in my back pocket, so it holds all my keys on the outside of the pocket! Yea, great idea!

Now let be just squeeze by the other car. OOPS! What the heck is that scraping sound? Sounds like metal on metal! Almost like my keys are scraping against a car! But it can't be. No way someone would park that close to me.

OH NO! I forgot my cell phone! So I have to go back to my vehicle! Hey - there is that scraping sound again? I wonder what that is?

And darn it, I opened my door too hard again! Now let me squeeze back out.

OOPS! Forgot to lock the doors! So I have to go back to my vehicle and open the door again. Then squeeze back out.

No telling that I may forget next.

Bee said...

@cathouse teri,
especially now that people are driving such big vehicles around, you know?

I want a real life airbrush, wouldn't that be nice?

there will be memorials placed and songs sung of your chocolate-less diet. I don't know how you do it!

NO kidding. you forgot, HEY KIDS! Bring you and your zippered backpacks on this side... Those backpacks are worse than a keying, let me tell you!

Dapoppins said...

I was sitting in my car, someone pulls in too close to my passenger side, and I sit there and watch this guy does that lazy iguana thing...oops, three times! And dosen't even check for scratches or say a word to me.

And what do I do?

uhhhh? Nothing?

Cause that is how I rock it.

Anonymous said...

hey, the gangs all here!

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

So grateful for your comment on my blog yesterday, as my limited coding skills helped me make my blog look less freakish in firefox, and it lead me back to yours which gave me such a fit of giggles that my husband (who is reposing in the other room) is now seriously disturbed with regards to my mental welfare.

It also gave me the chance to come here and display my superb command of the run on sentence. Oh yeah baby.

I get those zits too. And it has nothing to do with the empty easter baskets in the other room.

They're too young for that much sugar anyway.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I dropped the kids off in the pool today. But they did not have any backpacks. Also - NO CORN!!!Or peanuts.

Blank said...

The dentist cut the corner of my mouth and now it looks like I have something icky there.

I HATE those people who can't walk an extra 10 feet!

Suzy-Q said...

i love covert photos

McKenna Gordon said...

Too funny. I mean, not funny at all, not one bit. But funny the way you describe it. Love your new blog... coming back for more!

Barb said...

I followed the link from Danielle's blog. She's right, you are so funny!

I also love to capture people in 'all their glory', if only in my mind. My car is scarred with the rudeness of other people. It's a vehicular billboard of ignorance. It seems that no matter how far away I park, they find me and seem to take delight in parking close enough to 'ding' my car.

Clare said...

Hi Bee, thanks for leaving a comment on my blog :).
I frequently have boulders on my chin these days. Whoever invented spot cream should be knighted lol!

Saur♥Kraut said...

OK, Can I link to you or is that taboo? Gawd, girl, you move more times than I moved in college!!!

Avery Gray said...

I think I know that guy! Only he was driving a big white pick-up yesterday. He parked a little close. Let's just say my key is covered in little white flecks today. Wonder how they got there.


Let's do lunch. ;o)

McBunni said...

Gotta love them stress boulders.

Lazy, you CRACK me UP!!!!

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe