09 April 2008

Rob U Bank

I have just about had it. I want to go to the solace of my bedroom, hold the pillow to my face and scream until I am either a) hoarse b) completely sterile or, c) face-planted in a pillow filled with my own slobber.

I got another love letter from my bank saying I was overdrawn and as a part of their 5-star service, they will take my kidney in payment to get it current.

Second time this year. Why? Well, t could be:

a) It's a day of the week ending in "DAY".

b) The CEOs need to pay for gas for their SUVs.

b) Rob U Bank has decided to arbitrarily process any, some, or double my transactions dating back to 4 million BC.

c) Jimmy Hoffa's body was found.

d) Pooh Bear borrowed some leather pants and wants to go raving.

e) Rob U Bank attempts to PUNK'D their customers except it's for real.

f) I'm addicted to making bulleted lists.

g) All of the above.

If you picked g) All of the above, you are right. Being overdrawn can be for a number of reasons but has nothing to do with my literal balance. Do tell how I can have over $1200 bucks in my account and be overdrawn. Silly me...it's not mine, I only deposited it.

Regardless if transactions ever come out, say hotels? Airline? Rental Car? Online gambling, entrepreneurial ventures in Nigeria? Frivolous things like food and electric bills?! Just thinking of paying a bill? Rob U Bank will take a piece of that pie.

Minion tellers, even as we speak, sit in the back of the bank and concoct ways to fee my account to death. They have nothing better to do because hey, it's only the first of the month and no more than two employees are allowed in the teller bay at a time. Any more and the bank ceiling would split open, people would fall down dead, and lightning cracking the sky while it rained flying pigs.

Management doesn't expect the employees to actually use the 12 other bay windows, do they? You'd have a better chance seeing Al Gore driving his Hummer to a Green Peace Convention.

Hey, here is that charge from 9 years ago. Let's try and put it through and then charge a handling fee, yeah...yeah, yeah...

Please know that I am very responsible in my banking and balancing my checkbook. I use software thingies. I record everything, subtract, add, create charts and budgets. I've worked middle management in banks. I've balanced more check books than an OCD accountant. This is not brain surgery here, no siree. It is making Rob U Bank filthy, stinking rich.

When the OD notices arrive from Japan, I learn approximately two months after the fact I'm dinged with $8 for every day I'm overdrawn. Sunday too. Apparently, even the devil himself works on Sunday.

All this to thank me for the 11 years of banking with them. Gee, thanks, Rob U Bank! You're the best. I think I'll come in today and trade you my new explosive, strap-on vest for my money back. On second thought, maybe not. I will probably have to pay $5 to speak to a live warm body...oh, forget it.

~Bee is a new credit union member

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh geez. Reading this is enough to make my blood boil and it's not even happening to me...I feel ya. I hope you are able to get it all straightened out. Ick.
(and then take your money to the nearest honest bank...)

Anonymous said...

I hate banks and service charges and fees...just the thought of looking at my bank statement gives me the shakes and I break out into a sweat. (Shudders) Hope everything works out for you.

Blank said...

I hate those people!

Blank said...

I mean, why is it debits can be processed any time of the day or night, but credits will only be processed between 2:00 and 4:00? EVIL!

Bee said...

scarlet,
They must be somehow related to that college you are always talking about, F.U.

erin,
oh, it will...I just have to change banks.

sarahgrace,
thanks :) I think I'm going with a CU this time around.

holly said...

they're charging *us* for touching our money. they should be renting it. they should be payin' us.

and my time is money too, so i'm going to start chargin' *them* accordingly for the time i stand in their lines.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I swear I banked once upon a time. They were leaning on us to try to get us to pay for overdraft insurance. Yes. They wanted us to pay them to stop them from screwing with our account.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

hmmm....I know for a fact you are responsible...but I'm not too sure about someone else

I'm speaking of course of Rob U Banks.

JLR said...

Hate banks. Hate them. HATE.THEM.

Gen said...

We have issues with our bank too. Ugh! Of course, hubby has a habit of paying all the bills before he actually checks to see what may still be outstanding in our account. That's bit us in the butt a time or two.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Close the account, take your money to another bank. Think "credit union" if you can.

Anonymous said...

$8.00...overdrawn fee, you guys have it good, it's $35.00 here.

(which is about 1/2 the average weekly wage)

Bee said...

$8 is the daily fee for being ALREADY overdrawn...just for being negative...after their $37.50 OD charge per item.

Anonymous said...

You and Doozie...my life would be so mundane without the two of you ;)

Jo Beaufoix said...

Blimey. Do they have a UK branch? I think I bank there too. Gits.
I hope something bad happens to them, like dog poo in ther path where ever they go or something.

dawn224 said...

uuuugh. I've had this exact problem. I love my old credit union.

Heffalump said...

Our bank did that to us recently. They said it didn't matter that the balance said the money was there, it was pending or something because the payments were submitted and not subtracted yet, but it didn't matter that our paycheck was pending automatic deposit in the next 2 hours...THAT money didn't count.
Only $30 in fees for that couple of dollars overdraft too.
We just opened a new checking account at our credit union this week also.

Charlyn said...

First of all - hey! Good to find you again! I almost had heart failure when I thought you left me. :)

Second, I work at a small community bank, have for years. I think THAT is the answer to all of your problems. Go where they know you by name and know your kids by name too. Go where they don't have quotas to meet, and where they actually care about you. Sure, there have to be fees in place for overdrafts otherwise people would be borrowing money for free all the time, but when it is an honest mistake or a good reason, it's not that difficult for the rep to reverse your fees. That said, avoid the huge banks, and stick with your small community bank.

That's my plug as a banker.

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