They Grade You For This?

I dedicate this to all the parents who have up and coming drivers.

Jan. 2006

I routinely clean out my purse when I've a) thrown out my back or b) when there is no room to fit smuggled candy into a movie theater.

Don't judge me. I'm not smuggling in my kids. Although...

Last night was Clean My Purse night. During the process, my 9 year old daughter sauntered into my bedroom and plopped down next to me on the bed.

I was separating the contents and mentally noting,
"...receipts...tissue, hot wheel car...more garbage...barbie shoe, old bank sucker...ewww."

Jaina eyed my pile-of-purse contents and asked curiously, "What's that? What are you doing?"

I took out my sixth tube of lipstick and put on my cheesiest fake grin feigning enthusiasm, "I'm cleaning out my purse."

I really don't like doing it, evident by the sheer weight that was recently threatening to sheer my arm clean off my shoulder.

Jaina snorted and immediately piped up, "Can I help?"

"Um, sure..." I know that her idea of helping and my idea of helping are vastly different but she likes doing projects together. I won't dissuade her enthusiasm.

I continued sorting out the growing mess and she popped open my wallet. Undoubtedly doing her version of "helping". She was ooh's and ahhh's over the shiny cards. She asked me about the mass of business cards. She laughed at my picture as she took out my driver's license.

Yeah, hardy har har. Laugh it up. Your turn is coming.

Jaina stared intently at all the information on the front of my license, "How do you get a driver's license?"

I gulped at the subtle reminder that it'll only be a couple more years until she is driving. Lord, help us.

"I had to take a test at the DMV. When I passed the test they took my picture and gave me a license." I ribbed her with a grin, "Even when you're grown up, you still have to take tests."

Jaina continued studying the front of my license. Suddenly, her eyes got bigger and she asked me incredulously, "WHY does it say S.....E......X. on your driver's license?"

She looked a little embarrassed and refused to look up from my license. Of course, she would. She's 9 and according to the word on the school playground, kissing boys gives you babies and/or cooties. And then you get married.

I smiled knowingly at the thought because Jaina and I have already had a modified version of 'the talk'. She is still quite content not knowing all the details. She sees hubby and I kiss and snuggle on the couch at times. Tame enough PDA but she also knows we love each other. The whole issue is normal, in her understanding, but not a huge deal to her at the tender age of 9. I happen to agree.

I'm a little curious, "What do you think that means?" I never know how she will process these tidbits but she never fails to pleasantly surprise me. Or make me snort with laughter.

Jaina was deep in thought with her brows furrowed in concentration for a few seconds. Her eyes swiftly shot up to mine, her's growing huge as she asked in a disgusted whisper,

"You got an 'F' in sex?!!!!"

She didn't quite understand what kind of testing they actually give you at the DMV. Needless to say, she was relieved to hear my explanation, "'F' is for FEMALE."

Yeah, certainly not that kind of test.