30 December 2006

Smelly cat, Smelly cat, What are you eating?

My back is slowly getting better. I've decided though to trade it in for a new model. Until I can get a new one or feel better, I can't sit and type for more than 5 minutes or so. Instead I've spent these last few days vacillating between watching too many TV reruns and walking around like the Hunchback of Notre Dame except without the big hump and rope-swinging tendencies.

The days between Christmas and New Years are always a downer to me. And don't ask if I'm suffering from some Post-Holiday Depression. Have you heard of this new depression classification? I say it's ridiculous.

Says the same woman who watched Friends reruns for three days in a row. I almost becoming the owner of the DVD set of The Best of Dean Martin's Variety Hour and have been caught singing out loud an ad lib rendition of "Smelly Cat".

I know I'll get it for this, but come on! Post-Holiday Depression? Eli Lilly, Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline must have a think tank of people to think up these "real conditions" to make their wallets fat. Well, they better get a pill for sarcasm. I'm needing it.

For instance: Restless Leg Syndrome?

Um, quit scarfing the menu at Mac And Don's Rainbow Room and take a walk a couple times a week. No? Okay, you're only 25 years old, but your doctor will be happy to set you up with a drug for Parkensen's to make your legs quit tingling and aching.

And why stop there? Your cholesterol is up, but darn it if you have to give up eating 12 eggs a day, your weekly rare 16 oz steak from "healthy FDA approved" cloned meat, and cooking everything in lard and Splenda. You know, Splenda? That's a real sugar molecule.....cooked in chlorine and carcinogens found in pesticide.

Look on the bright side, when you buy too much of the 'healthy alternative' you can just put it on your lawn to keep the weeds down.

And vegetable? What's a vegetable?

My 5 minutes are up.

I'll be back. (heh. heh. I said "back")

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe