15 September 2007

The Sheep Don't Like It

I heard on the radio the other day a favorite song from The Clash, Rock The Casbah. I love how many misheard lyrics there are to that song.

Rock the cash box, rock the cash box...

I also heard on the radio that there is a conspiracy at the grocery store. Aside from paying $8 for shampoo what else could it be?

The DJ implied that Marketing People are out to get us. You see, when you walk into the store and you are deluded into believing Metamucil and some Grape Nuts are an in/and out purchase, you have entered: The Decompression Area.


The Decompression Area is a deliberately orchestrated maneuver by the think tank known as: The Marketing People.


Upon first glance, one would believe with this name that you had recently navigated through the atmosphere in a space diaper, but nooooo. The Decompression Area (or more commonly known as TDA) is designed to provide you with a comfortable ambiance, preparing you to spend beyond your means, grooming you to prance through the isles like a Fame movie remake while throwing your money to the employees.

I wanna spend forever...

Don't you think it's ironic that you are instantly greeted by flowers or the smell of baked goods piped to the entrance from the bakery?

They also put candy at kid's eye level or make endcaps unstable so with one little bump of your cart, you've knocked half the shelf to the floor. This should be called Inyerface Marketing and with marketing tactics such as this, they might as well hand out those Fame inspired tights and leg warmers at the door TDA.

The Marketing People know how market, but not once market store patron manners.

Now if TDA could instantly impart patrons with little more patience, then all would be well in the world. But for now, they can only get as far as making you feel just shy of guilty when you get home with a $100+ grocery bill and an entire frozen cheesecake all to yourself.

The #1 sold item - milk, is at the very back and surprisingly close to the laundry soap which is #2 for sales even though it costs double what Wally World charges.

These marketers have this down to an exact science to work against pocketbooks such as mine. How many times do I have a typical parenting meltdown moment at the checkout with my kids as I'm distracted taking in important information, like fabloid magazines.

I lost it at my last shopping trip having strayed from routine and 1) taken my kids and 2) without a list. This was absolutely a necessary evil. I was down to saki, diced garlic, and half a container of hummus. I needed dinner at least. How hard would that be? The truth be told because I never make up stuff on this blog, The Marketing People were against me AND patrons of the store were against me.

How dare I impose, making someone disguised as a gentile adult, walk TWO whole cart lengths to the diet soda. She looked like she would sacrifice me to the lobster tank but for that kind of workout, she should have just gone for the regular soda. Diet schmiet, I'm just saying....

I am now used to the fact that the general public believes I do indeed "have your hands full" and additionally, that with four mouths to feed, I am the sole reason for world hunger and government cheese.

My point is, when you are walking through the store, all comfy and decompressed, just remember The Marketing People and their wretched TDA.

She really don't like it.
Wash the catbox, wash the catbox.


Anonymous said...

You came up with perfect scents for each category! LOL

Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

so funny...I will never see going to the store the same now! lol!! I had no idea I was being decompressed...

Post a Comment

"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe