14 November 2007

Your Brain on Snark

It is evident that sarcasm hurts EVERYONE.

Opinions are only opinions when you are dispensing them. However, they magically morph into pretentious snark when you reciprocate in kind. Then the offenses happen and what options do you have? Here we go:

1) More than likely the offender didn't mean to hurt you. Find out their intention and use your big kid words. The internet's strong suit is not vocal inflection so perceptions can be easily misconstrued. Put away your pride and build a bridge, get over it. Bitterness makes you grey, wrinkled, constipated and old. It could be as easy as you just not knowing the person well enough.

2) Passive-aggressively address your offender and over through gratuitous blog posting pretending to not care. That's like being stabbed to death with a thumbtack. ATTENTION people: Most bloggers do not take hints. Say it in email, not in comments. In the spirit of Princess Bride, don't be a Humperdink. We are bloggers of action, lies do not become us.

3) Try not to sass back. Unless you include compliments about my backside, budding self-worth, and level of retardation. Cause you know, that's what Jesus would do.

4) Email....the person, and I guarantee......the person, would be the first to apologize for hurting you. Opinions are one thing, how we act on them another.

Seriously, though. That's me, true blue. If I'm offended, I will tell you. However, I am liking the idea of my brain on sarcasm. It's more salivating that I can bear.

~Bee wants cheese and onions on hers


Anonymous said...

If yelling is typing in ALL CAPS, then maybe we can just say typing in italics means snark?

That way everyone would know you are being snarky and not get offended.

Better yet! RED ITALICS! Yea. That will work just fine.

Anonymous said...

oh boy, i'm in trouble then...sarcasm and double entendre' are my weapons of choice.

i only use them for fun though, not to offend. if people do get offended, - i will always try and explain my side, - but i don't worry about it too much cos i know my conscience is clear.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about all that, but your brain, sunny side up with salt and pepper, is making my stomach growl. Does my sudden craving for brains (with a side of buttered wheat toast and some orange juice) make me a zombie?

Anonymous said...

Um, is the correct answer number 3? Because I'd totally do that!

Anonymous said...

"...like being stabbed to death with a thumbtack"

Too funny. You've been hanging around with BaDoozie too long.

Anonymous said...

Too true. I can not stand it when people are so sensitive you can't even talk in front of them.

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of Nancies.

(I personally like to use #3)

Anonymous said...

Doesn't the internet patrol have software that monitors all of the internet and if you post something about killing kittens they find you and send you to a detention camp in Cuba?


Anonymous said...

I'm the indecisive type...I'm going to have to mull over the options for a bit.

Anonymous said...

You, me, two people, one brain.

Anonymous said...

i am a software engineer, and i am also indecisive. so i'm going to write a random number generator problem solution solver. and i'm going to call it that. actually i'll call it ThingIUseToChooseWhatI'mGoingToDo.exe

by the way, you've offended me by giving me so many choices, hint hint.

Anonymous said...

I am offended by everyone talking so far over my head-I mean my egg~I think therefore I am

Anonymous said...


You should try to be more like me. I'm respectful to everyone.

I would like to pimp-slap Doozie though.

Anonymous said...

Or you can be more like me and just not give a damn. Although, I hardly ever offend anybody so the not giving a damn comes fairly easy.

Pimp-slap Doozie? You do know she stabs people, right?

Anonymous said...

hm. that thumbtack thing sounds kinda fun...

Anonymous said...

ha...loved it...so true..


I need to paypal..I dont know how...help me...I am a freaking moran...

I email u...come on..

I hate that I havent paid u...The postman brought it back to me cause I had an old stamp..I give up..lets paypal..hehe

email me with directions and crap..

Anonymous said...

Oh for cryin out loud. I don't even know what happened but I know you well enough. Don't worry about it, Em. I love sarcasm and I really love people who shoot from the hip. anybody over careful with their words sounds to fuggin much like a politician for me to trust.
Also can't handle thin-skinned people. Not with my mouth. I'd be apologizing every day to somebody.

From me to whoever got their feelings hurt....DUDE! We're bloggers. Just read, write, and enjoy yourself. Nothin' else matters on a blog. You're not gettin' married here. OK?

Anonymous said...

What she said.

And your brain looks delicious, by the way.

Anonymous said...

Kvatch always did something like this: *snark on* message here *snark off*. I hated that he had to do that. I enjoy my snark, thank you very much.

You could be like me and offend everybody equally.

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe