27 October 2005

Like, Gag Me With A Spoon!

I just saw this in WalMart the other day. Long live John Hughes.

For all those who remember, those were good days. As hubby puts it, "Party like it's on sale for $19.99!"

K, like, I woke up this morning. And I was like, almost late. I pulled on my jeans, pegged them, threw on leg warmers and jammed my feet in my Keds.

(Totally rad)

I grabbed my jelly bracelets and hot pink banana clip and did my permed hair in under 5 minutes. I just couldn't live without my AquaNet. I grabbed my favorite gigantic gold hoops and I looked so bodacious!

I got into my Camaro and turned on my new compact disc player. It only cost me $500. I listened to Bananarama and Duran Duran and drove to my school as fast as I could. The Jocks were waiting for me...it's like so totally rad to be a Senior!

I saw my friend Cassie after school in the parking lot. She and I are like best friends. She looked so cute in her Benetton jeans. The she told me that she is going out with Rick to see Back to The Future. (Ew, Rick, Gross me out the door! Just because he has a brand new truck!) I knew she would totally ditch me for someone like that loser this weekend. She is too good for him. He thinks he's like, Don Johnson or something! Then she's like, "PSYCHE!" I totally wanted to kill her but I threw my letterman's jacket at her instead.

Well, I'm off..going to finish this book, "The Color Purple" while my parents are gone to buy a Teddy Ruxpin for my brother. I wish they would just come back with a new brother haha! As if.

26 October 2005


I have my free time now! Kiddies in bed, sitting at the computer and I've got my glass of wine.

No, I'm no lush. I don't mean to offend those who don't drink. I follow the golden rule, "Be not drunk with wine". Jesus didn't chug Berry Blast Kool-Aid. I'm just saying. Of course, He wasn't doing shots and getting hammered either. Balance and moderation are a good thing even when you have a lemon of a day.

Occasionally, on the evenings I'm staying home, I'll have a glass of wine. Mr. Coffee doesn't drink at all and can't stand beer. I might warm up to beer but wine is good enough for me. "Beauty in the eye of the beer holder"...and all that. I guess it's the control issue with Mr.Coffee. What happens if one of the kids needs to go to the ER? Who is driving?!

So here I am. I'm making lemonade (okay, wine) out of life's lemons but I'm keeping this first batch for me.

~Bee is anti-beer goggles and never coyote ugly

25 October 2005


I have been plagued with the headcold of the century. As soon as they find a safe way to remove your head from your body, I'm going there.

I think my sinuses are starting to make diamonds from all the pressure. I hope I can blow out a J. Lo ring that costs as much as a house. Two of my house. Then I can be consoled about not winning the 200 kazillion dollar lottery last week. Of course it helps to buy a ticket. When I woke up yesterday, I was sure the light at the end of the tunnel was really a bear with a flashlight. This morning, I felt immensely better.

SO, it was only 10 years ago today that I was robbed at gunpoint at my bank job. I still don't know for the life of me, why I remember these things.

It was an interesting day, to say the least. I got pretty good with handling robberies at my job, with another 6 more in 9 months. We got to forgoing the drills...heck, we just get robbed. I got tired of scrubbing that fingerprint dust out of my nice work blouses. You never see that on CSI. That black smudgy stuff never comes out of anything. It's like the baked on malt-o-meal dishes of investigation.

I'm going to stop blogging now. My NyQuil is catching up to me and I might say something stupid. I say stupid things without NyQuil so the probability is fairly high.

Tomorrow? Same time, same place?

~Bee sees fuzzy mushrooms and butterflies

19 October 2005


getting up
tired eyes
45 min
till school
eggo waffles
clean shirts
tied shoes
out the door
dash lights
4 counted heads
stupid van
kids on time
coffee please
back to home
Zus to school
carpool neighbor
thanks for the ride
peace and quiet
four minus three
Lolo and Mom
washing dishes
washing clothes
washing tub
washing washing
tired at lunch
need nap..coffee?
picked up
by sis-in-law
pick up
kids at school
more coffee
see Nana
Papa and cousins
Rosie Doggie, too
fun afternoon
outdoor kids
2 acres to run
Aunt 'Chel'
drives us home
fun, fun, fun
Mr Coffee home
with tired feet
kids and dad
need to eat
greens and sauce
BBQ chicken
baked recipe to repeat
dishes piled
do it now
clean plates and cups
beautifully clean
kids brushed
teeth and hair
tired mommy
kisses and hugs
blogs and to bed

09 October 2005

Barbie Meets Aunt Ruth

How can you not like this face? Would you harbor any grudges against it? Well, pull up a chair, gentle reader, and I will share with you a tale that will knock you...well, er....dead.

Once upon a time there was an Aunt nicknamed Rue who lived with her nieces and nephews. Now Rue loved her nieces and nephews despite the fact that behind their cherub faces, they couldn't see a reason for allowing her to sleep in or hug her gently when she was holding a steaming cup of coffee. The white comforter was not spared. Neither was her expensive black dinner gown.

Scissors + children = -decorative tassels.

Anyone interested in buying a "newly hemmed" $100 dress?

The ensuing havoc was normal for the household, but this made little difference in Rue's mind. These darlings could do no wrong...at least for the day. However, the day was young and little did anyone suspect that before pj's were donned and teeth were brushed, the back yard would look horribly similar to a CSI crime scene.

This day would unfold into something so sinister it would leave everyone speechless.

It was this tragic day, Aunt Rue decided to give Bee a coffee break. These two were sisters so Rue did not mind watching young ones while Bee would bolt for a few minutes of relished freedom.

Off Bee would go, to a coffee shop to sink into a novel and grab a quiet cup o' joe. This mother of four would end up clutching her coffee, dreaming of a different life filled with light colored carpet, a body that defied gravity, and convertible two-seaters that looked nothing like her ugly Ford Minivan.

For Bee, these highly cherished mini-breaks greatly reduced insanity, babbling idiot moments, and a welcome side effect? No hangovers.

Bee could not be more thankful...on all counts.

While Bee was indulging in her delusions of sanity, Rue nurtured and adored the children by indulging them in some time out of doors. Rue would send them to the backyard for some sunshine while declaring babysitting was the best birth control ever.

Then she heard it. The Nothingness. The Silence. It cut the air like a knife, or a really quiet spatula. It was too quiet in an eerily abnormal What Are The Kids Doing Now kind of way.

"Evil is brewing here!", Rue thought to herself as she sprung into action.

She popped her head outside to check in on the little cherubs and was greeted by Max's toothless smile, a smile made possible by his recent transaction with the tooth fairy.

"...and what is this?", Rue asked herself.

She quickly grabbed her camera phone, "A Kodak moment....", her voice trailed off as she snapped pictures like crazed paparazzi.

Whatever could it be?

say it isn't so......

Barbie hanging by a tree!
In an evening gown, no less.

Oh dear Barbie! Your life has been snuffed by a maniacal 6 year old!

There is just something
so disturbing, yet completely normal about this picture.

07 October 2005


I just love this photo of Lolo Bear at our front window....

06 October 2005


It's beginning to dawn on me that after 12 years of marriage I am perceived as a rarity. With divorce rates skyrocketing like a ricocheting rolling pin, and Hollywood marriages consisting of 3.2 months plus lawyer fees, it is becoming apparent that I am a bonefide marriage dinosaur with some secrets to spill. (hehe, spell check says bonefide should be "bonehead" :snort:)

"Spill?" asks the blushing bride. You bet your nuptials!

Some of you may think me arrogant to believe that after 12 years I can give advice. I don't know it all or even pretend to. I am not a professional but sometimes I do put chairs around my living room, grab a hair brush microphone and pretend I'm Dr. Phil.

Stuffed child bear named Tugar: "Well, you see, its like this Dr. Phillipina, she really hogs the bed and there are nights she actually peeps on my head when she is sleeping. I hate that."

2½ year old daughter: "Hi mama! Can I hab some cheese?" Be it known, my daughter believes in all of the food groups: Milk, cheese, cheese, cheese and cheese. Even her diaper bag is embroidered with Darigold. Local Cows Working Hard.)

Exit Dreamland....
Here are my keys of empowerment, some great advice I was given with a couple of things I gathered on the way. This is what I've learned to be a 'happily ever after'.

1) Committed for life.
No, not 'my shirt ties in the back' kind of committed. It means in for the long haul type of committed. If you have to trap your spouse to marry you in some crazy soap opera plot- like, say marrying to save the world from evil while avenging all the wrongs done to you by your parents.....call it a hunch, but it could be problematic.

2) Avoid arguments that include the words "always" and "never". Use the word "I" instead of "you".
"I" conveys your thought and how you feel. "You always..." conveys blame. In the words of the all wise Tommy Boy, "Don't run away from your feelings!" Remember that there are no bad arguments unless there is no positive outcome.

3) Count the compromises your spouse does for you and never the ones you do for your spouse.
It's the old adage, give and take. If you lived alone, you would have to change the friggin' toilet paper roll anyway, right? So, don't have a herd of cattle if you have to do this after your spouse leaves the bathroom. It's not cancer, death or 20-to-life.

4) Protect your marriage.
I am a bit more conservative on this topic, just because of my personal convictions. I would never go out to lunch with a married man alone. I would never keep a close personal friend that was a man other than my hubby. Work this out to what is comfortable between you and your spouse.

So you can debate away, but this is a fine-tune-to-your-own-marriage-specs kinda deal, so just rent When Harry Met Sally and be done with it. I happen to agree with Harry.

last but not least,

5) Bid for intimacy.
Okay, can you see my microphone and bald head now. The bid could be something like,

"I would love to spend the day at the beach with you and have a quiet little romantic dinner without the kids".

Some days it will pan out. Some days it won't. The key is that the want is there and youre telling your main squeeze that you are thinking of yummy-naughty alone time. This keeps the fire going.

Now four kids is enough to slap intimacy right back to your honeymoon, but what this means in so many words is I can't wait to spend time with you. The beach vacay didn't happen but he wanted me to know that is what he would have rather done.

Reality bites ~sniff~ and the weekend turns into an oil change, chores and homemade spaghetti dinner topped with an extra order of toddler dishes. If my good pj's are clean, well, it's almost as good as snuggling up with hubby under a blanket at the..well, almost.

oh, heck, who am I kidding? I would so much rather be at the beach and ordering room service for two.

05 October 2005

Baby Named Superman

What are these people thinking? Maybe they are just not. Today, I read that Nicolas Cage just had a baby and they named him Kal-El.

Did you get that?

Kal-El. As in Superman's Kryptonite name.

Granted, he was once Nicolas Coppola and changed his last name to Cage after the comic book hero, Luke Cage. Jeez, mine would have been Bee AquaMan. Or Bee Man, which would have been an oxymoron and besides, my hair is not wavy or yellow.

I'll tell you what Kal-EL won't miss..it's when he grows up, that sweet, doomed boy is going to come home from school everyday with an enormous wedgie out the back of his DKNY jeans and all of his allowance gone.

Three words...THER-AHH-PEE!

How about some other special names chosen by celebrities:

Christie Brinkley has a daughter Sailor Lee.
Thanks Mom, for naming me after a lame pair of jeans. Who's the Uptown Girl now?

Demi Moore and Bruce Willis have Rumer and Scout.
Brucey, I thought you liked the name?
No, hun, I was talking about your pregnancy when I said "Can't she have it sooner?!" not "Better name the baby Rumer!"

Bob Geldof and wife had Peaches and Fifi-Trixiebelle.
cause you see DelMonte was taken and my doggie name book has some winners!

Apple Martin, daughter to Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin.
just an 'i' away from a delicious cocktail and what is with the fruitbasket, Hollywood?

Elle MacPherson had a son named Arpad Flynn.
but Elle, deodorant makes my arpad's itch.

Tracey Gold has a son named Sage.
And these are his siblings Corriander and Garlic.

Cher and Sonny Bono had a baby years ago named Chastity.
Uh, as in 'virginity'....don't tell me her middle name is Belt.

Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna have a daughter Delilah Belle.
Delilah? You named a baby after an Old Testament tart? I hope Lisa will be able to pronounce it with her lips.

But I believe Frank Zappa has the corner on unusual children's names:

Moon Unit (calling Buzz Aldrin)
Dweezil (Isn't he that skinny guy on Saved By the Bell?)
Ahmet Rodan (excuse me, Helmet Roadin'..er, um....I'm a Rodent.....wait! I'm at what?)
and Diva (puulease! I'm a model, you know what I mean...)

He should have just bought a baby name book long ago...what do you think?

**Disclaimer: I can appreciate a world of diversity, names reflecting the cultures around the world and the family history names represent. The similarities to your own name, if it is listed here, is strictly coincidental unless I am totally making fun of your celebrity parents. If that the case, then well, sorry, dude, but your parents deserved it.

01 October 2005

death by cheesecake

This is a to die for cheesecake recipe given to me by a friend years and years ago. This was my first recipe used to make cheesecake and the chocolate chips just melt right in.

Chocolate Rum Chocolate Chip Cheesecake

¼ cup Dutch processed cocoa powder

¾ cup Dutch processed cocoa powder

2 lbs Kraft room-temperature cream cheese**

1½ cups sugar

5 eggs

¼ cup of dark rum

2 teaspoons of rum extract

2 tablespoons of vanilla extract

1 - 12 oz bag of mini Ghirardelli or other choc chips

Set oven at 200°F. Spray a 9 inch cheescake springform pan with shortening spray. Dust with the ¼ cup of Dutch cocoa and set aside.

In a large mixing bowl:
Mix cream cheese and sugar until smooth and soft, scraping sides of bowl. Mix in all remaining ingredients except for chocolate chips. Mix well. (If cream cheese is not room temperature you will have little tiny balls of white cream cheese flecks in your cheesecake.....experience talking here)

Stir in mini chocolate chips and pour into prepared cheesecake pan.

Bake for 7 to 8 hours overnight. (yes, overnight!!)

Cool on rack. When at room temperature, cover with plastic wrap and place an upside down plate on top and invert. Remove the springform pan and refridgerate. After about an hour you can serve by placing another inverted serving plate on top. Flip over and peel off plastic wrap.

Storage and serving:
Cover and refridgerate. Serve using a warm knife dipped in water. Serves about 20.

**generic cream cheese not recommended..it doesn't taste very good.