31 December 2018

The Facebook Police

Found this entry on Facebook from 2016. I forgot I wrote this....enjoy.

I was put in Facebook Jail by the Facebook Police "FBP" because I was pretending to be me.

I swear I am not making this up. They were going to have me scan in a government-issued ID with my birth date.

They were going to be so surprised opening an image of my 15 year old face on my old passport.

Changing my wireless to a cell phone IP and suddenly FB changed their minds. Since I'm no longer a danger to Tide Pod Memes, the FBP requested I change my password and identify a bunch of friend's photos.

If I haven't said it before I'll say it now... I have freaking gorgeous friends. But what would you expect, you being you?

This FBP tomfoolery started this morning. But this morning wasn't my normal morning.

I woke up at a quarter to 6 as hubby said goodbye. He wanted a hug before he left for work because today is Valentine's Day and that's what you do on Valentine's Day even though he does this every other day of the week.

He reached in the dark. I sat up quickly in bed trying to wake up and figure out the quickest route to getting a full coffee mug in my hand. As I leaned over to the light switch, he reached his arm around me to give me a hug. He preceded to punch me in the face while simultaneously poking me in the eye with his knuckles. He couldn't see me in the dark. I couldn't see through the tears.

* insert rude joke about being poked on Valentine's Day*

He felt bad but probably not as bad as my cornea. Once I was awake and done breathing through the pain, I said thanks to the Lord for the appearance of Shark Week. Nothing says Happy Valentine's like, "I love you honey, I'm super hormonal and bloated".

I walked to my van and marveled at the skiff of snow on the ground. I opened up the driver's door and also marveled at the skiff of snow all over my driver's seat. Hubs left the window open an inch. All night long.

This is where I prayed for Jesus to take the wheel. I utilized a lined, heavy duty windbreaker as a makeshift wetness barrier. It's not too uncomfortable if you don't mind sitting on a giant, rubber diaper. It's only at this point I realized that I am completely out of gas because the gaslight is not just yellow but past the "E" for Everyone Push.

On the road. Made it on fumes to the gas station. Fill up or not. My debit card got today's memo and went on strike. Credit cards are designed not to function when you're late for work, been punched in the face, and completely out of gas. It makes no difference whether or not you have several hundred dollars in the bank. I had my trusty visa on me, in case. I never use it, except for emergencies. I mean emergencies because the interest rate would undoubtedly lock-in my payments until the year of Our Lord 2076. I don't know about you but charging a $6 latte, no matter how much I try and convince myself, is not an emergency.

My drive to work is uneventful. I park and congratulate myself in getting to work without being attacked by chickens or hit by a meteorite. Today anything can happen. In the 4 seconds it takes for me to take off my seatbelt and grab my purse, I can't tell whether I've dropped my keys in the seat next to me, in my purse, or in my giant, rubber, diaper cushion. Traditionally, keys are lost and discovered later when a twelve year old disguised as a AAA Guy comes and opens my car with a Slim Jim. And I mean the metal kind, not the pepperoni kind. Because really, who opens a locked van with a pepperoni?

Better yet whose driver's seat is a giant, rubber, diaper cushion?

I got through the rest of my work day unscathed however, Hubs and I agreed to celebrations this weekend. Tonight he is spending time with his nephews watching a Chuck Norris movie and I'm spending it with errant hormones and the FB Police.

Happy Valentine's Day, you freaking gorgeous people!

2019 Project Don't Settle

I write a personal motto every year in lieu of resolutions. It helps me focus and streamline my goals. In 2018, my motto was Simplify.

I threw out or donated so much stuff and clutter. I don't miss it.

I focused on my family with simple steps: better meals and cleaner house.

Focused on my business, which involved me quitting my job and doing what I love. A leap of faith is scary when business and your livelihood is impacted. But also beneficial to my health and lowering stress. I left a job where management found it easier to ask for forgiveness than permission in business. I have zero friends exemplifying this, why would I tolerate an employer doing the same...especially when I would be the one to fix their self-infliction. I wish the doctor the best, but this biller and coder is not one to sacrifice my work ethic (or legal freedom) for anyone.

My lesson was sometimes simplifying means saying "No" or backing away. Don't go away mad, just go away.

I also cut down on hobbies and getting rid of half finished "projects". What a huge stress relief this step created. Fabric to sew, files to purge, cleaning closets, and stop procrastinating. I cut my book reading down to a book in 2 weeks from 3 books a week. Time saver to do what I really wanted to get done. But this extra time simplified my life.

I've also lost 32 lbs this year (nix the desk job!) and stayed on top of my health. Huzzah for blood draws and crap thyroids.

My motto for 2019: Don't Settle

I cannot settle for less when hard work and perseverance are my only obstacles in achieving my best life.

What does that look like?

My couches, while free and a huge blessing, need replacing. Kids are moving out and I need to rearrange the house. In turn, couches will become a blessing to someone else.

Make certain I don't give hubs the last bit of me, aka little time or energy. He deserves more than the scraps left after kids, business, or obligations.

Taking time with financial records. No headless chickens during tax season.

Allowing toxic people to walk away. It still hurts but I will not convince someone to be my friend.

I will take my vitamins and thyroid meds on schedule. How I will do this, I still haven't figured out.

Sticking to social commitments even when I go Full Introvert.

Hang plants in my house because I freaking love plants even though I feel like this is an extra expense.

My expenses (aka money spent on me) are not extra expenses. Bi-annual hair cuts should not make me feel guilty.

Be thoughtful and mindful of others. This is the person I want to be.

Be kind and stay honest. Honesty without diplomacy just means you are rude.

Push through exercise. I am only as successful as the strength of my own resolve.

Remember the things that fill my emotional tank. Do those things.

Be an active listener. Big families become unintentional interrupters. Regardless of intent, it is a habit to break.

Managing time wisely means purpose and achievement. Wasting time is settling.

Distractions are the worst kind of settling. Usually in the form of excuse. Like why I am not getting healthy sleep at a regular bedtime.

This year will be interesting. Happy 2019!