16 November 2010

11 Going On Harvard

This is a text message from my 11 year old to his Dad. Spelling, punctuation, and content in the original.

"It would come to your attention that my birthday is on a Thursday and I would like my party on the following Saturday with HELIUM balloons and I would like to invite [my friend]. I wouldn't like to sound greedy, but a chocolate-mint cake with mint-chocolate chip ice cream would be fine. Please refer to my wish list for further details. (*) also means most wanted."

And this is why we save for his college education.

~Bee likes to party on, Garth.
Listening to: Celebration by Kool and The Gang 
 
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11 November 2010

No, I'm Not Really In Nebraska

Blue Q Plant Socks
Where have I been? Doing stuff.

Bloggage. Bloggy. Bloggy McBloggerton.

I'm woefully absent but I've had good reason. This is where I leave an obnoxious post telling you how busy I am and why I haven't blogged. You can glaze over till the end ~cough, weenie, cough~ where I say I'll be around more often. Or you can suffer like everyone else and find out where all your dryer socks are going.

No, not Nebraska, but close....

I've been contemplating the reason for lost dryer socks. I'm not joking. Missing dryer socks are right up there with long division as a wonder of the world. Do you think that people in China or across the globe miss dryer socks, too? I bet they don't. They probably complain of lost washer socks, being on the other side of the world and all. Naturally, everything is inverted so they get our plethora of dryer socks and we get extra washer socks.

Like they say, it all comes out in the wash.

"They" probably have enough time to babysit the wash and perhaps even iron their sheets. Is there anyone who has that kind of time? No, I sleep on wrinkled sheets and when they are nice and flat then I know I need to change them. Kind of like a sheet version of an indicator toothbrush but with less discoloration. Or not.

"They" are also smart and probably retain all their socks, too. Washer and dryer kind.

I've really lost my writing mojo. Okay, so not true. My blogging mojo. So many of my blogging peeps have disappeared and gone on with their lives. Jeez, it's not like cancer needs to be cured or families going on with their lives and stuff.

There are a few times I'd say, that's a good thing to write about. I need more motivation.

Kids are getting bigger, I'm taking school one quarter at a time depending on Mr Coffee's schedule. He is one of the few working in construction that is literally working so I have no grounds to stand and whine. He's staying busy and the kids are growing like weeds. I've said it before and I'll say again, I'm sure you don't really wanna hear how farging cute my kids are (even though they really are) but you come to read something to laugh about.

What is funny is how involved my kids are. They are the involved kids, where the carpool mom (that's me) drives all over Nebraska to get them to their activities. I have one in basketball, one is the President of the National Jr Honors Society, one playing violin, one playing clarinet, two playing piano, one in safety patrol, one soon to take up bowling, and later two, in track. Two schools, four kids, a living room remodel, my lifeline aka, my android phone with its assortment of social apps ready and waiting for that carpool lane, aaaaaaand about 50 overdue library books.

Can you see why I didn't quite make it to school this quarter? I'm not complaining just burning up a third world country in gas.

This is the heart of why I haven't blogged in so long. I've been carrying on with life. Book reading, coffee drinking, movie watching, iTunes downloading, date going, phone calling, BFF visiting, carpooling, choring, weight losing (like a whole person), and loving my life. I also have pumpkin pie for 14 to make for Thanksgiving.

You are so jealous of my wrinkled sheets and pie making marathon. I can feel it.

Can my days get any better? Certainly they can but I'm content. Lost dryer socks, notwithstanding.

 
~Bee is not in Nebraska
 Listening to The War by Angels & Airwaves
 
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21 August 2010

Bill Gates Never Had Barney Wallpaper

 
Shared files can be hazardous to your health. More importantly, to your desktop. You see, my son, Max is 11 and apparently has an incredible aptitude for computers.

Max is a lot like me: logical, methodical, and curious. I'd love to take credit for his brilliance but it's all him...and no doubt, my pregnancy tuna fish cravings that fueled his brain development.

Seriously, though. All my children are brilliant and emotionally intelligent. I'm not biased.

Max wants to know why, how, and when. He's been reading at high school level since 4th grade. Earlier this year, he impressed his music teacher playing the "Colonial Days" song on his recorder. He instructed her on how he reworked the finger placement for transitioning easier between notes and then successfully played the song to her...simultaneously on two recorders, one in each hand. In 3rd grade he attempted to explain to me about the thinatude of the universe due to it's expanding nature and the lasting effect of gravity with centrifugal force. I half expected him to build me a flux-capacitor by now.

We were blessed with a computer a few months back, aptly named "The Kids Computer". I thought it best with the elevated risk of losing 20,000 itunes songs was inevitable with just one malevolent XBox cheat code


Simply thinking about it makes my heart palpitate. 

I've never showed Max the ins and outs of the computer or software since he is pretty fearless with technology. Last week I downloaded Gimp (open source photo editing software) to their PC and he's already photo shopping like an OK Magazine art director. Still-frame Lego videos are now in the works.

I set up each one of the kids with their own profile on their computer. Their profiles are password protected but since their passwords are openly shared, it was only a matter of time before the fun started and games of "look what I did to your wallpaper" or newly replaced user names of "boogerhead" started gracing the screen.

This is what happens when you have four cherub-faced kids.

My oldest daughter, Jaina is soon to be 14 and takes great delight in teasing her brothers. She's never deliberately mean but when a chance to poke fun is to be had, it's open season at the sibling range. It's a big sister thing, as I'm sure my younger sisters will also attest.

The only rule I made regarding the kids' shared computer was that they couldn't delete someone elses files or do something irreversibly grevious to a siblings profile. I strongly suggested password-protected user profiles be made after Jaina thought it great fun to change Max's wallpaper from his usual fare of video gaming characters or Star Wars scene.

Preschool appropriate wallpaper was not a hit and passwords were quickly changed and kept private.

Today, Max proudly announced from the computer chair that Jaina should be aware he was still going to get his revenge. My ears picked up immediately.

"Jaina, you DO know that I don't need your password to change your wallpaper." He sounded as smug as he was confident.

Jaina's head popped up from her dining room table doodling. Today it's Manga girl drawings. 

"Nu-uhh. No you can't!"

"Yep, I ca-an," he taunted her condescendingly, "you have shared files."

Jaina, confused and quickly looked to me, "He can't...can he? What does shared files mean?"

I stiffled a giggle. "I told you not to start something unless you were willing to wage a computer battle." It would be my 11 year old to outsmart his sister. Never get involved in a land war in Asia and all that.

Titus, my 10 year old, piped up, no doubt shrinking from the memory of My Little Pony people and rainbows that appeared on his desktop, "No, Maxim, don't! Don't even think..."

Maxim interrupted, "Don't worry, Titus. Ours are protected." Naturally, he anticipated all contingencies. This is war.

Jaina stammered in indignation, "No way. Mom said you couldn't erase files!"

"I didn't erase files. But I can keep the image and switch around the name or..." he grinned at her triumphantly, "...hey, I could change the name to the Chinese food delivery guy and you'll never find those files."

Like the wise Vizzini once said, "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"!

Vizzini never met our family. If he had he'd undoubtedly would have added, "...and never change your brother's wallpaper to Barney when you have shared files on the line."




~Bee has protected files.
Listening to: I Predict A Riot by Kaiser Chiefs

 

08 August 2010

I Didn't Quite Hear Your Head Rattle

"Welcome to See's Candies! Would you like to try our new...."

I don't know why these ladies ask me. What crazy person doesn't like free chocolate truffles. Can you imagine turning that down?  

The answer is yes, yes, and definitely yes.

Today my daughter and I went to See's Candies. That place brings me memories of my Great Aunt taking me to get chocolate suckers when I was just a tot. The heavenly smell brings me to my teen years when I worked in a chocolate factory and bakery. All in all, See's Candies pulls me into some fairly awesome memories while triggering the drool gland. This is win-win all around.

As my daughter and I waited in the roped off line, we drooled, sniffed, drooled some more, and made our best effort to appear like we are not huffing the display cases. We totally were but since this is a common occurrence by all who grace the doors, I'm sure we didn't appear too deranged.

While waiting, two women in sunglasses came up on my left. I immediately noticed that both women were navigating with their hands with seeing eye dogs in tow and further, were feeling their way to find the queue. Their canine companions were also adorned in colorful doggie vests indicating in big white letters that they were service dogs and were currently working.

The two blind women missed the end of the queue entirely, not that I minded. They approached the front of the store and were greeted by a friendly employee by name with assurances from said employee they would be helped shortly. A Mom and daughter duo in front of me were already being helped so I waited patiently. I certainly didn't mind waiting a whole two or three minutes for my much needed chocolate fix, so I let them cut in, thankful that my display case huffing tendencies managed to hold my cravings at bay.

At this point one of the women pulled her dog closer to her and inquired politely toward the mother and daughter, "Excuse me? Is there a line?"

Seriously. I kid you not, the mother looked at the two women, looked down at the dogs, and back up to the woman waiting for someone to answer. I watched as Mom said nothing but nodded her head yes to the question.

She nodded. To a blind woman.

My 13 year old daughter looked over at me with huge eyes and we managed to contain our amusement. Her eyes directed at her shoes and mine to a very ladylike, chortle-like, nasally snort.

I'm classy like that.

Neither one of us dared look up while secretly hoping to all that is holy that we could pass of our burst of laughter as unrelated banter between us. Or maybe as a reenactment of Babe or Charlotte's Web.

The blind woman asked about the front of the line again and I took mercy on both parties, reassuring the two blind women were indeed at the right place in line.

As I walked back to my van, I couldn't help but giggle at the irony: A place called See's. Blind customers. Nodding in communication. Me snorting like a pig. Eating truffles.

Like I said, I'm just classy like that. 

~Bee is listening to Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs

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