29 January 2006

I Am Not A Meme

I see meme's everywhere that talk about all sorts of subjects.
  • How many bloggers have you stalked?
  • What kind of mansion do you have?
  • Is your parole officer hot?
  • How many politicians have you blackmailed?
You know, everyday Q & A. Well, not today. Today we will see what kind of ~blank~ we are and get your mind out of the gutter so mine can float by, ~blank~ is not a euphemism.

I want to know what you would be as opposed to what you like. This makes you think and is almost as fun as Sudoku. Almost. So, Come on...it's for the kids.

If you were a car what car would you be (optional: and why):
Taxi Cab - I have four children and see the gas pump almost more than I see my husband.

Dictionary - I have a way of somehow remembering all sorts of facts and information although spell check has ruined any chance of me becoming better at spelling. Fur reel, no jok.

Cold Comfort Farm - Witty. Seemingly dysfunctional until you get to know me.

Partly cloudy - Can be moody but there is always a bright side.

Coffee - a loyal friend to depend on.

Ice Cream Flavor:
Vanilla Chocolate Chip- Classic, simple and butt-white with freckles.

Song or Genre of Music:
Brown-Eyed Girl by Van Morrison - I have brown eyes, enough said?

Heely - As a mom, wife, woman and smart alec blogger, I am always multi-tasking.

Amazon.com - I love books and I'm also 5 ft 10½.

Ethnic - I appreciate diversity and am definitely unique.

Here are mine and I'm tagging the whole, wide blogging world. You can leave the answers here in comments or on your blog. Here are the questions to make it easy:

I want to know what you would be as opposed to what you like.
  • If you were a car what car would you be (optional: and why):
  • Book:
  • Movie:
  • Weather:
  • Drink:
  • Ice Cream Flavor:
  • Song or Genre of Music:
  • Shoe:
  • Website:
  • Food:

27 January 2006

They Grade You For This?!

I routinely clean out my purse when I have successfully strained my back from it's massive weight or when there is no way on earth I can possibly stuff something else in it. Last night was a clean-your-purse night and in the process, my 9 year old daughter comes into my bedroom and plops down on the bed.

"What are you doing?"

I'm plowing through the black hole I call a handbag, "I'm cleaning out my purse." I state plainly as I separate the contents.  

Receipts, tissue, hot wheel car, garbage, barbie shoe, lipsticks, checkbook, lego, hundred-year old sucker from the bank....

Jaina is at the ready, "Do you want me to help?"

She then proceeded to open my wallet and peruse the contents. She laughed at my picture as she took out my driver's license.  


"How do you get a driver's license?"

"I have to take a test at the DMV and when I pass the test, they take my picture and give me a license to keep with me."

"Momma! WHY does it say S....E......X. on your driver's license?" She looked a little embarrassed staring at the word like it was in flashing lights.

I smiled knowingly because Jaina and I have had a modified version of 'the talk'. She is still quite content not knowing all the details. She sees hubby and I kiss and snuggle on the couch at times. Nothing we wouldn't do in public. The whole issue is, in her understanding, normal but not a huge deal to her at the tender age of 9.

I happen to agree.

"What do you think that means?" I'm a little curious.

Jaina thinks for a couple of seconds. Her eyes get huge and she asks disgustedly,

"You got an 'F' in sex?!!!!"

I don't think she quite understands what kind of testing they actually give you at the DMV but certainly not that kind of test.

10 January 2006

you light up my life

I love my new find from the BBC. Horatio Hornblower is a fabulous DVD series and an equally fabulous read. Ioan Gruffudd (it's Gaelic and pronounced "Yeo-wan Griffith") is our hero Horatio and as you can see in this picture, I have posted it for the um, lighting. This picture has beautiful lighting.

Okay, don't even start. I'm happily married and my husband has kept the wind in my sails for 12 years. So, don't get me wrong, I don't want to have little Gruffudd babies or anything. I would just love to see Ioan in full dress Naval uniform serving me coffee and breakfast in my bed-headed-raccoon makeup-completely unrevealing-nappy bathrobe with matching worn out slippers-self. A girls can dream, right?

You may have seen him on the movies Fantastic Four or in King Arthur. I think I like him best with the accent yelling, "Beat to QUARTERS!"

09 January 2006

7 things meme

7 Things thanks to Erin-Erin Bo-Berin . Kisses Dahling!!

7 things I want to do before I die:

  • Travel the world and live in another country
  • Learn a new language(s)
  • Skydive (maybe that should be the last thing, you know, just in case)
  • Hear Pavarotti live
  • Drive a racecar Indy style
  • Finish my degree
  • Make a difference in the world, big or small.

7 things I cannot do:
  • Renounce God.
  • Walk past a coffee shop with time to kill
  • Watch horror shows (blech!)
  • Hate others
  • Cheat emotionally or physically on my husband.
  • Go without music
  • Tan or alter my physical appearance through plastic surgery

7 things that attract me to people:
  • Funny
  • Open-minded to listen to an opposing viewpoint
  • Intelligent
  • God centered
  • Accents (Italian, Spanish, English, Irish...doesn't matter)
  • World travellers
  • Manners

7 things I would never say:
(Just seven? Inspiration for my next post)

7 books or series I love: (is that TV series or book series?)
  • House, MD
  • LOST
  • Scrubs
  • Horatio Hornblower by BBC
  • Persuasion by Jane Austen
  • Rebecca by Daphne DuMaurier
  • Anything by Stephen Lawhead

7 movies I can watch over and over again:
  • Persuasion
  • 10 Things I Hate About You
  • Amelie
  • Transporter
  • Ronin
  • Run Lola, Run
  • Black Adder Series

7 people I want to join in:
Do I know 7 people?

07 January 2006

Ready For Parenthood

I just finished a wipe and reload of my system. I am now taking on the task of sorting through my files, cute stories, pictures, etc..This said, I found this, author unbeknown to me, and elaborated on it a bit.

How to know you are ready for parenthood:

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

CAR TEST: Go to McDonald's and order 6 happy meals. Dump and smash contents onto seats. Remove only 50%. Stuff remainder into cup holders and seat crevasse. Insert pennies into the CD player. Put over-sized 200 lb block in trunk making trunk space unusable.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream or swear.

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Repeatedly tell them, "“NO, Not today." Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

LAUNDRY TEST: Open a jumbo box of crayons. Dump into full clothes dryer and set on high heat until all crayons are melted to drum.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

SLEEPING TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard while watching lame infomercials. Do this until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 mos. or leave on longer if intending on having more children. Now remove 10% of the beans from the chest area, place in bag and attach to your backside.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store and buy all available Mac N Cheese, tater tots & hot dogs. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Write off sex with wife for next 5 years.

Go to your radio. Turn it up as loud as you can stand. A police siren also works well. Strap one, 20 pound weight to your leg and walk over to the phone. Dial up your best friend, doctor, sibling, spouse preferably important business. Stand next to speaker or siren and carry on a normal conversation.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Offer unsolicited advice on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you'll have all the answers.

04 January 2006

Cars for $1000, Alex

I've mentioned before, I was a homeschooled child.

Now before you get weird ideas that I can recite the Gettysburg Address while rolling my own candles, I will refrain from any parent bashing over their blameless and best efforts.

Just drink your **Kool-Aid and read on...

What I am happy to say is homeschooling birthed in me an inquisitive side. There is lesson in everything. It's not everyday you drive into the Oil Can Henry's and they urge politely,

"Please, ma'am, Really. You can stay in your car."

They smile and curse under their breath waiting for the Spanish Inquisition which rears it's curious head,

"How does that man get down there in the pit under my van?

"Can I go down there too? Well, why not?"

"Where does the oil go?"

"Do they resell it?"

"What is the difference between synthetic and standard motor oil?"

"What's the 30 stand for?"

This is the problem. Even in my best venti-skim, no-foam, latte-induced caffeine comas, I can still remember the answers and trivia, at days, weeks, even years later.

Who remembers that bumble bees fly 15 miles per hour at their fastest?

Why does everyone use the Statue of Liberty as a NY symbol when we ALL KNOW the island is in New Jersey?

A cup of vinegar in the wash will get my whites sparkling clean, take that Color Safe Bleach!

That concrete will crumble if he uses rock salt on his driveway. Hhhhhidiot!!!

Sadly, this is my daily thought pattern. Pitiful to the point of stamping Webster on my forehead and shelving me at the public library. I just hope the bar code doesn't make my butt look big.

**By the way, it wasn't Kool-Aid, it was Flavor-Aid. Just thought you'd want to know.

~Bee would probably still suck at Jeopardy.

02 January 2006


Since I was born there was music in my house. If I had to make a choice, I'd choose music over any other thing. Okay, not food and certainly not sex.

I grew up on Simon and Garfunkel, Jim Croche, Diana Ross, Van Morrison, the Mamas and the Papas, Peter Paul and Mary. My father also gave us a liberal dose of classical. I don't know many 8 year olds that would hear a piece of music and know that it was Passacaglia and Fugue in D minor by Bach.

Noted, a fabulously intimidating masterpiece.

Growing up I found myself drawn to other genres of music. Not just classical, but blues and big band. Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey, Louis Prima, Sinatra, Ella Fitz and Etta James 1960's stuff (Etta James is the ultimate in my book... "I just wanna bake your bread...).

In high school I also devoured large doses of the Cure, KC and the Sunshine Band, Duran Duran, and a good dose of Van Halen, via my overly large, shoulder held radio.

Debbie Gibson, Wilson Phillips and Cher were admittedly, favorites but I have sought help and I am better now. I also listened to Keith Green, The Imperials, and Russ Taff. I was indeed a child of the 80's but I thank my parents for giving me an appreciation for different kinds of music.

I still don't care for butt-rocker-thrasher-bang-your-mullet metal, rap or elevator music. Polka isn't high on the list either but I've been known to cut a rug to the Beer Barrel Polka now and then.

Coincidently, anything by Anne Murray makes my head explode.

Country rock and R&B are appreciated in smaller quantities if the person can actually carry a tune. Celine Dion has the most amazing voice and wastes it on the stuff she sings. (no offense intended to David "I Have Produced a Million Songs' Foster). The girls got pipes!

I have found these in the last year:

Gavin DeGraw

Norah Jones

KT Tunstall

Oojami - Bellydancing Breakbeats
(shake your booty to bellydancing techno)

Pink Martini

David Mead

Pat Metheny - One Quiet Night

all year

2006 is the best year EVER!!!!!!!!!

Now, we can pull out our 'all year' jokes. Okay, lets just get them out now while I think they are still original..every year.

I haven't slept 8 hours all year!

I haven't made out with my hubby all year!

I have had a cold ALL year!!

You get the idea...

Now, since this is my first new post all year, I wanted it to be funny and make you pee your pants the first time this year, so we hope, but I haven't felt inspired all year with my headcold. So thoughtfulness rules the day..ehmn, year.

I've come to a crossroads in my life and need to go back to work full time, outside the home. Hubby and I have been putting this off but for many reasons we haven't been inspired to face the dilemma, until recently.

These are the 10 reasons I am glad to be a stay at home mom:
  1. No workplace stress.
  2. Avoid road rage....NO, not mine, sheesh!
  3. Save moolah on gas, drycleaning, lunches, clothes, etc...
  4. The laundry is always (being) done.
  5. Dinner can be a culinary delight, thanks to the four favorites: Cooking Light, Everyday Food, Nigella Lawson and Rachael Ray. You cannot go wrong.
  6. I can read so many more books I like.
  7. I am home usually when hubby gets home.
  8. I can blog when I make the time during the day.
  9. I have my own schedule.
  10. Most importantly, more time with the kids!
Now, 10 reasons I have to go back to the workplace:
  1. I want to go back to school and have a good career after the kids leave home.
  2. Better pay.
  3. Save money for kid's college funds (x4).
  4. I really want a mini Cooper.
  5. Hubby's job is killing him which is in turn killing me.
  6. I can talk to people about something other than potty-training schedules, Elmo's World and Giving a Moose a Muffin.
  7. Can put hubby through school to finish his degree.
  8. He can then put me through school to finish my degree.
  9. I can have more than .11 cents in my checking account for the last two weeks.
  10. So the onions in my veggie basket can sprout from being so neglected.

Actually it has been a bit busy around the house and I wanted to see how long it would sprout. It's a softball sized onion! I just loved the green color. I just can't believe it grew all year.