Until then, I thought I would share this nice little questionnaire sent to me by a friend and since I was born a So. Cal gal, I thought it was funny. No this is not a meme.
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:_________________________
Birth Name:_____________________
Stage name: ____________________
Agent:_________________________
Manager:_______________________
Attorney:_______________________
Therapist name:__________________
Sex:
[ ] female
[ ] male
[ ] formerly male
[ ] formerly female
[ ] both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
Yes___ No ___
Brand of cell phone: ________**
Bluetooth_________________
*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________
Please check hair color:
Females:
[ ] Blonde
[ ] Platinum Blonde
[ ] Extensions
Teenagers:
[ ] Red
[ ] Orange
[ ] Green
[ ] Purple
[ ] Blue
[ ] Black
[ ] Dreadlocks
[ ] Skinhead
[ ] Wig
If Over 25:
[ ] Hair plugs
[ ] Hair piece
Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching A Movie
[ ] Fiddling with SatNav
[ ] Adjusting iPod
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop or cellphone
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) you expect to be shot at while driving _____
c) you expect to be the getaway car_____
If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
[ ] Call the police to report the crime.
[ ] Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
[ ] Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through.
[ ] Call your therapist.
[ ] Leave your portfolio and headshot in front passenger seat
In the event of an earthquake, you should:
[ ] stop your car
[ ] keep driving and hope for the best
[ ] Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
[ ] pull out your video camera and obtain footage for YouTube, Channel 9, and Facebook
In the instance of rain, you should:
[ ] never drive over 5 MPH
[ ] drive twice as fast as usual
[ ] you're not sure what "rain" is
Please indicate number of therapy sessions
per week: ___________.
*If you do not have a therapist, please explain:
________________
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
[ ] Prozac
[ ] Zovirax
[ ] Lithium
[ ] Zanax
[ ] HGH
[ ] Valium
[ ] Zoloft
[ ] Viagra/Cialis
[ ] All of the above
[ ] None of the above
*If none, please explain:
___________________________.
Length of daily commute:
[ ] Less than 1 hour
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] 3 hours
[ ] 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:
______________________.
When stopped by police, you should:
[ ] pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
[ ] try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.
[ ] have your video camera ready for YouTube and provoke them to attack.
[ ] start humming the CHIPS theme song.
When turning, you should always signal
your intentions by:
[ ] using your directional signals.
[ ] what is a "directional signal"?
Which part of your car will wear out most often?
[ ] the brakes
[ ] the belts
[ ] the horn
[ ] the sunroof
[ ] the speakers
The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
[ ] dark, poorly lit roads
[ ] flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way.
[ ] revenge
Your rear view mirror is for:
[ ] watching for approaching cars
[ ] watching for approaching police cars
[ ] checking your hair
[ ] checking your hair plugs
[x] checking your botox injection site
(already checked for your convenience)
Please allow minimum of 4 hours when dropping off application.
Sign where applicable:
Name:__________________________
Birth Name:_______________________
Stage name: ____________________
Pen name: ______________________
Agent:__________________________
Manager:________________________
Attorney:________________________
Power of Attorney:________________
Parent of Minor:________________
Immigration Officer:____________
Parole Officer:_________________