30 November 2006

Fa-rah-rah-rah Rah-rah-rah-rah-rah!

Every year, I pull out Christmas music: Play the good, ditch the bad and don't look back at the frightful (see earlier post).

Here are my top 10 music albums that you'll find at my house. I love big band, swing, classics, as you can see:

* A Christmas Song
by Russ Taff
His voice is like butter!!

* Ultra Lounge Series - Christmas Cocktails vol 1 - 3
This is the box set, but they also come in individual volumes. I think Vol 2 is my favorite.

* December - George Winston
Piano only, great for entertaining

* Christmas with The Rat Pack - Dean, Frank and Sammy
With those three, how could you go wrong?

* Merry Christmas - Mariah Carey
I am not a definite Mariah fan, but I like this album.

* When My Heart Finds Christmas - Harry Connick, Jr.

* Let It Snow - Michael Buble'
If you can find this under $25 you will be lucky

* Swinging Christmas - Ella Fitzgerald

* Dig That Crazy Christmas - Brian Setzer Orchestra
Rocking out with guitar, Christmas style!

* The Christmas Collection - Frank Sinatra

28 November 2006

christmas music

Back to happy faces and belly laughs, I'm talking Christmas music.

And not
Mannheimlic Steamroller music. Please no! I really need to say, listening to them "steamroll" makes me sterile and forces my ears to curl and suck back into my head. Yes, it's that bad. My tastes are eclectic, but even I have a maximum pain threshold.

I'm talking about Christmas music and those albums that make you nuts. Everybody is doing it. Tell me your most disliked albums. (don't worry, next post will be about favorites!!)

If you must put on Christmas music, please for the love of everything pine-scented, red and green, grab something other than this:

*Barney the Dinosaur Gone Vegan Christmas

*1976 Donnie and Marie Christmas Special

*iPod Christmas: Pirate and Rip It

*Paris Hilton: I'll Have A Blue Christmas Without My Trust Fund

*The Kranks Christmas Soundtrack

*Gummy Bears Popozao Christmas

*Santa Wears A Red Bracelet: Christmas With Madonna

*All I Want For Christmas Is A Green Borat Speedo

*Mr. Bean's Silent Night Christmas

*Snoop Dog's Pimpin' Santa's Sleigh

*K-Fed (aka Fed-Ex) and Britney Reunion Christmas

*B & E Christmas: The Man With The Bag

*Achey Breaky Country Christmas

*Mos Def's Fat Booty Santa

*I'm Dreaming of A White Comb Over by The Donald Trump Choir

*Hot Rod Christmas (comes with Puma Sneaker ornament)

*Tucker Max Raps The Christmas Story

*Jerry Springer Christmas: My Christmas Tree Don't Fork

*Ding! Fries Are Done Soundtrack

*Fireman Choir Sings: Put Out That Yule Log I'm Coming Down!

*Walmart Exclusive: I Got My Front Tooth For Christmas

*Emma Sometimes Sings: Man, Santa's Hot and Oh, Holy Cow..It's Mr. Coffee

*Starbucks Hear Music: Only Santa Has The Coffee Cup Ornaments

*Santa's Helper Reunion: Christmas Made In China

*Second Life Christmas: I Saw Mommy Kissing Everyone

*Politically Correct Christmas Vol 1 & 2:
The 12 Days Of Holiday with bonus track~
Away In A Barn Turned Hospital Birthing Suite

Just refrain from grabbing one of these. Please. My ears thank you.

26 November 2006

got bootstraps?

I appreciate all those with fabulous advice, good wishes and polite requests to get my head out, smell the homeless and thank goodness for the little things, even though I don't have a cozy house to my specs. I know that a person's home is a reflection of the owner but, I just don't feel like the Clampetts pre-90210.

School. As fate would have it, my neighbor works in admissions for the local college. She has chided me, too and the matter is not 'if' but when I go to school. I want this. I can taste it. All I have to say is thank you for the encouragement and since I can taste this, it's probably a good thing I took my head out (of my whine-fest).

I'm feeling better already....

Off to load up my new iPod nano that I won online.

They have the same contest this month too, if you are itching to get one.

24 November 2006

I smell fish

Not my usual post, but me, nonetheless. I made the Christmas tree, you like?

Sometimes I need a quiet moment when I am in a thinking mood, to just get some quiet. That day happened to be yesterday. Thanksgiving Day. Six adults and seven children in one house do not help. I ended up hunkered in the quiet of the garage, sitting on a stool with my frozen eyebrows and lone chin hair icicle talking on my cell phone. I had to return the gobhole girl's phone call, so all was good.

I get so anti-social and introverted at big family gatherings. I was not like my usual self, when we went over to my SIL's house. I walk into their rental house, filled with shiny wood floors, new appliances, clean walls and every nice thing in their living room. Even the off-white couches were clean with matching red propped pillows. Not lavish, not showy, just modern, comfy and homey.

This made me upset.

Now, I wasn't upset that they are doing well, in fact, I am very happy for them. They have both done well, but I want to know why those things have eluded my grasp. I work hard. Mr. Coffee works harder. Why can't I be in a house that I love, that's decorated nicely and inviting. People say that it doesn't cost much to decorate. Tell that to anyone who is furnishing a house or better yet, foot the bill and I'll show you how cheap it is. I want a place that I feel is my refuge. A place with carpet (long story) and windows that don't leak in the sunroom. Something with more than 3 bedrooms. Mr.Coffee always feels like the black sheep of the family because we make the least money in all the family, like we are the screw ups, having the most kids without any thought of what money it would take. I KNOW what I am worth, but the family together always makes me feel judged, the needy ones, the black sheep, you know? Thanksgiving is never at my house. My in-laws rarely visit me because I'm so ashamed of my surroundings with my house constantly under remodel. I feel they wonder if Mr. Coffee had married someone else (like a college grad) that things would be better for everyone. Needless to say, I got home, changed into good jammies, ate a pint of Dreyer's Vanilla while watching Grey's Anatomy, and for some reason felt considerably better.

I need to go to school. I want to go to school. Years ago the thought of school scared the pants off me. I was homeschooled 7th grade through high school and rarely wrote a paper. Now? This blogging endeavor has taught me how to write, and further, that I love to write, even though spell check is utterly ruining my life. I could also use a punctuation class or two.

But I don't want to go another day of being so broke, being unhappy with my education and mostly, unable to open my house to people. I have to until I do something to change it. I don't want 5 cars, a maid, expensive art and a 10,000 sq foot house, albeit nice, just not my goal. I just want to be able to pay my family's living expenses and take care of my kids when they have tooth aches and holes in their jeans. I want to be the one to help people have that super Christmas or help the father of 4 who has just lost his job. I want to fix my van that has has so many dash lights stuck on that I tan every time I drive. I want to DONATE to the food bank not just work there and leave with a food box. Is that so much to ask? I say no. Mr. Coffee works his butt off. He works physically very hard. Construction and concrete is just a hard business. (no pun intended)

At this point, I have the determination. The saying goes, "You give a man a fish, he eats for a day. You teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime."

Well, I'm a world class fisherman, I just need the freaking boat.

(and by chance you are a reader who believes in not complaining about your income, be a little merciful, you probably have a nice job already. Try seeing life in a new perspective.)

23 November 2006

albuquerque turkey beef

~moving this weeks post to today!! Happy Thanksgiving!!~

The holidays are upon us despite disapproval from those who believe that my little piece of holly up in the top corner is the ultimate icon for Christmas. That's winter holly! Beefing about my holly is not allowed. After Thanksgiving it will morph into Christmas Holly because it's my blog and I can do that. No beefing before turkey. Beef = bad. Turkey = good. Beef with gravy = good. Christmas Holly = good. Turkey and Holly = bad. Hospital me no likey.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays next to Christmas. Family, food, and flexing my cooking skills with a mouth-watering display of Chocolate Rum Chocolate Chip Cheesecake, best in the county. Anything that takes alcohol and 2 pounds of cream cheese has to be good.

In light of the holidays, I usually post something like Dave Barry's Turkey Day. But today I leave you with a gem from my children. Speaking of children, I have another beef with my recent label of "Mom Blog"(oh, no you di-int'!!).

Since I am now a "Mom Blog", and regardless of my eclectic displays of daily brilliance, I have to post some Mom-ish things to live up to that moniker. Be glad it's not breast-feeding and poopy diaper stories because women who blog, who also happen to have children and families, apparently have only those things to offer their readers. ~snarky-snarky~

Albuquerque Turkey
- Anonymous
(Sung to the tune of 'Clementine')

Albuquerque he's my turkey
Oh he's feathered and he's fine
He wobbles and he gobbles
And I'm awfully glad he's mine.

He's the best pet
You could ever get.
Better than a dog or cat.
Albuquerque he's my turkey
And I'm awfully glad of that.

Albuquerque he's my turkey
He's so cozy in his bed
Because for our Thanksgiving dinner
We had scrambled eggs instead.

(no "mom blogs" have been hurt or injured in the production of this post)

07 November 2006

The rise and fall of Chow Chow

Leslee has had a Friday funny photo caption contest that is great fun. This was a photo that inspired me. Who can add a caption when a story is in order?

"Bad dog, bad dog, whatcha gonna do..."

Today, in other news, entertainer and former childhood commercial dog, Chow Chow, was allegedly caught in a shoving match and subsequent biting episode while having dinner at the prestigious Canine Club. Observers say that he appeared to be high on Taco Bell leftovers and was offending patrons by gratuitous crotch sniffing, licking and neck biting. The childhood star was also found to be in possession of one ounce of cat nip when he was apprehended by Titan the German Sheppard.

Things have reportedly gone downhill for Chow Chow since his commercials were officially pulled in the late 1990's. The chihuahuaua did have a short-lived comeback with the Gecko "Mr. Liz" in a 2002 cameo appearance for GEICO and was later replaced by Cavemen due to rumored diva-like behavior. It was soon after, he had reportedly been spotted while being ferried around in a pink Dog & Gabbana bag by one of the Hilton sisters. This further fueling rumors of too many flea dips and subsequent mental health issues.

His vet had no comment.

In other news, your old dog and rolling over. Can you teach him new tricks? And our special report up next, Dressing Like a Human: When it's time to tell your owner NO.

We'll have that and news after the break.

(almost as shocking as Britney Spears now divorcing KFed)

06 November 2006

College Bound

Max, who is now 7½ years of age, asked me yesterday about the AC sign on the dashboard of the van.

"Does AC mean 'accelerated cooling'?" he asked.

"Wow! You are amazing," I gushed. "That was a terrific guess! It actually means Air Conditioning."

I could see him blush in the rear-view mirror over my motherly accolades.

I quickly added in my sarcastic manner, a manner in which my children have grown quite accustom and no doubt will afford them plenty of embarrassment in their teen years, "I'm glad I'm saving for your college," I chided him with a sing-song voice, "those quantum mechanics classes are going to be a lot of mo-ney!"

"I like science," he stated quite matter of fact.

Jeez, when I was in grade school I thought Quantum Mechanics was the four guys that worked on your car at the dealership. Now I know that college fund will pay off.

02 November 2006


The good things comes from being observant. I think it was my bank experience but I would consider myself pretty observant.

First, there is Funny Observant. Two days ago, I was folding clothes while watching a soap on the TV. Soaps are funny, if I watch a show only once in a three month time period, I can still catch up on the latest nefarious deeds of the residents of Salem.

"Quick nurse, she's hyper-ventilating! Get the oxygen."

Hyperventilating..needing oxygen? Are you trying to polish her off?

Then there is Driving Observant, like noticing today with a stomp of my break, that a car was about to hit me because he got impatient and tried to pass in a school zone. In the bike lane. I live between two school zones, so I have too many close calls and idiot driver stories to share. What I wanted to do was activate the driver's dental insurance. (I love that movie line...). Impatient people in school zones make me nuts.

Last is, Oh My Gosh That Didn't Happen Observant. Like the time I foiled a bank robbery with a 4 week old strapped to me in a baby sling.

Oh, yeah. I'm a real undercover agent.