30 January 2007

Free Facials and A Car Wash

Today is so pretty. Blue sky, sunshine, and so darn cold. I couldn't scrape my windshield free of the morning millimeter of ice, so I did what any person would do if they were going to be late. I got a pitcher of *cold* water (hot water could crack it) and dumped it on the windshield.

I am so retarded.

I hate, despise and loathe the side of me that can't see things coming.

To my credit I hadn't had my coffee yet, so for that alone I should get some slack. See, wiper blades prevent more ice build up when they are at breakneck speed. I couldn't allow it to freeze back up.

I had those babies on full blast.

Not only did it work but the water, upon sudden contact with the windshield, also hit the wiper blades that were in full blown wipeage. It hit me so fast I didn't react before I quickly became the recipient of another 300 mph, frozen cold facial.

I cannot be this dumb.

I got them to school on time, but tomorrow, I shall do as everyone else does: Scrape a hole the size of your fist in the front windshield, peer out said hole like you are a submarine on patrol, and use horn often.

~Bee will not check your oil levels

23 January 2007

Most Boring Blog Ever

I heard my three year old singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer last night.

...Rudolph with your nose so white won't you drive my sleigh tonight. Then how the reindeer loved him..loved him, as they shouted out, "All clean, WHOOPEE!"....

I never knew Rudolph and his peeps were so big on hygiene. Nothing like Santa downwind, getting a giant whiff of reindeer butt crack barreling along in the sleigh. I wonder if Santa bans them from protein the week before Christmas? Nothing like a bean burrito to spice up your gag reflex while experiencing the World Wide Tour of Chimneys.

Enough about Christmas..who is ready for spring? I have blue sky today and the dirty carnage of five overly large snowmen bodies in our back yard. It's like Snowman CSI. No heads just the bodies. Traumatic for the wee one, so I have to take a hose to finish them off.

If anything, I'm thoughtful.

Mr. Coffee just got home, not happy at my computering with dishes piled up. How many people have this happen? I go about my day and an hour before he gets home, I get the cleaning all done.

I have kids, and if I clean it once, I'm cleaning it again before he gets home anyway. This just gives me some more time. Then he comes home in the middle of the day and throws me off.

Speaking of today, I hope I can make it to the DMV. I wonder if I can get my van through emissions with practically all the dash lights lit up. You can even see my van from space.

I may just go later this week and finish errands. Mr. Coffee seems like he needs space today, and not the van viewing kind.

I think I shall name this post, The Post That Never Ends or the Most Boring Blogger Ever. I'll be back.

17 January 2007

By Request

Harmonica Man has asked me to post six weird things about me. Hey, just pick a post:

I learned ASL t community college when I was a 15 years old.
I was a home schooled high schooler that took courses where I could get them.

My favorite thing to use when I go shooting is an AK47.
Baby Eagle and Glocks are nice, but the AK is my favorite. It's a decent weapon and little recoil. Don't get your tie dye in a bunch. I'm all for peace, in fact, if someone broke into my house to hurt me or my family, I would be glad to hand it over, bullets first.

I have had more jobs than Barbie:
However, I have never been a doctor or astronaut. And Ken can't hold a candle to Mr Coffee.

I take pictures of dead people.
I volunteer at the local Genealogical Society taking photos of headstone markers for people who are looking for genealogical ties here in my county. I like doing this. A lot.

I always use my thesaurus when I write.
The Brits have a mastery of the English language that shames us Yanks. Even with the local newspaper being geared at a 4th grade level, dumbing down the adults helps when kids are graduating high school hardly able to read

I came very close to enlisting in the military when I was 17.
I saw Top Gun too many times. How many teenage girls have you known, that had their Michael J. Fox poster next to their Modern Fighter Planes poster.

09 January 2007

Can I Quote You?

I have a large quote list Mr. Coffee and I have kept over the years. Today, here are some of my favorites.

"Nothing is work unless you'd rather be doing something else."

"Only mediocre people are at their best all of the time."

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
~ Morpheous, in The Matrix (1999)

"It doesn't matter. He believes in you."
~Abbe Faria, The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
said after Edmond Dantes' bitter declaration not believing in God.

"A closed mouth catches no feet."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot"
~Groucho Marx, actor and comedian

"Don't interpret the results of your obedience."

"There is a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot."

"Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors."

"Much may be known about a man's character by what excites his laughter."

"Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast."
~Marlene Dietrich, actress

"Evil is not the opposite of good, but the absolute absence of good. Good is everything; evil is nothingness. Hell is a void that cuts one off from humanity, divinity, and all that is good."

"You only love Jesus as much as the person you love the least."

"Between the great things we cannot do, and the little things we will not do, the trouble is that we shall do nothing."
~Adolph Monod, Theologian,

03 January 2007

2007 is already rockin

I've been a recluse this month, comparatively. But my back is feeling better. My washing machine is still in my front entry. Yeehaw.

In less dysphoric news, I've been playing with my new Genius Edition of Magnetic Poetry I got at Powells Books. It has great words like pedagogue, sedulous and fusillade. I like the challenge of a new word and just as Henry Higgins heralds the English language, "why, in America, they haven't spoken it for years!" I say, "YO, Fo' shizzle, my dizzle."

I managed to win a $100 wine gift basket from WineGlobe for another Kaboodle contest (remember the last contest I won?). If you don't know what Kaboodle is, think of it as social links/bookmarks meets internet shopping wishlists. Go see my pages, I guarantee you will be hooked.

In very important news, I contacted my school and the unaccredited course I am taking now is fully transferable, upon completion, toward an accredited degree. Meaning, you're reading a bone fide diploma bound student.

I'm looking for a part-time job, and think I have a shot with an official government position that has opened up. I know I can do the job, I just hope they know it. I won't say much more so I can backstab blog about my boss and fellow employees when I get the position. And no, it's not making government cheese.

I think some underground agency makes those gluey orange bricks in a hollowed-out underground bunker out in the Mojave desert. Besides, it's been known for years: Government cheese isn't really cheese. In one pound of Government Cheese you will find, three parts cheese byproduct of the manufacturing process of edible cheese with one part DHRT483 additive, 9 vitamins and minerals, one part of embalming fluid and a dash of soylent green for a shelf life into 2247. Many Bothans died to bring me that information.

I want to thank sweet Rach from Green Cathedral for cheering me up with some beautiful handmade cappuccino soap and sending along some kitchen soap too. There is something so wonderful about the weight, the feel and smell of well-made, hand made soap. I can't help but hold it. It smells so good, that I don't want to use it. But that defeats the purpose. What made Rach think I'd like coffee? Lucky guess, I'd say and I love it. (THANK YOU!!)

Lastly, I wanted to share with you a little something I captured on my cell while shopping on the eve of Christmas Eve and doctored up for your amusement. Enjoy~

01 January 2007

New Years Resolution

I love lists.

I make them to plan my day, my chores, my research schedule, school study time and that Honey Do List. Honey Do List topper would be making Mr. Coffee move my old washing machine from my living room.

From my LIVING room.

Blogger rule #23: Avoid complaining about your spouse. It's not helpful and you look like a giant whiner.

I'd call the waaaambulance but they couldn't get in the door anyway. Why? There is an old washing machine in the front entry that I can't move.

Mr. Coffee needs to quit waiting on me hand and foot, doing laundry, making meals and taking care of the kids, while I convalesce.

Speaking of procrastination, I wanted to write a list of resolutions but I'll do it later.

Okay. It's later.

My resolutions:

Strive for self improvement starting with taking better care of myself.

Read more books.

Keep house cleaner.

Paint hallway and living room.

Listen better.

Do more things for others.

Get a job and save moolah.

The rest are usual and boring, lose weight, be funnier, throw out my skin-tight, leopard skin pants, and drink more coffee.

Happy New Years!