25 June 2007

Movie Review

I went to the movies with my friend Dapoppins on Friday night. Waitress was a great movie. It was funnier than expected, with great direction and filming. I think I will buy it. I haven't laughed at a movie like that in a long while.

My friend also enjoyed it, laughing so loud I thought we'd get kicked out by fellow movie patrons.

I should have known better. She's done this since we were teenagers, when we would eat each others smuggled-in candy and gush over a young Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands or watch another Back to The Future sequel. She is also a talker. I admittedly talk too, but in a whisper...sticking to wise cracks and telling her the actors full biographies. I've been told this is annoying, but can't help it.

Enter Keira Knightley, as a twiglike semblance of an Elizabeth Bennett. She looks coyly across the ballroom at Mr. Darcy, played by Matthew MacFadyen.

I whisper snarkily to Dapoppins sitting next to me while I stuff my face with butter-soaked popcorn, "...oh, geez, Keira Knightley is totally anorexic! You hold her down, I'll get the cheeseburgers..."

Dapoppins, "I gotta go pee."

Yeah, we are two classy broads.

~Bee likes Milk Duds

24 June 2007

Once, twice, many times a weirdo

It's time for 7 random facts/habits about me. Why? Peer pressure. God, I hate these things, but I do it for mah peeps. Yeah, yeah, I'm altruistic like that.

  1. I like plain shredded wheat, plain vanilla ice cream and straight black coffee. I'm a no frills kinda gal.
  2. When I pull into a parking spot, if I am remotely crooked, I have to readjust. Yeah, OCD and all that.
  3. I don't like being called a Mommy Blogger. I'd rather be one of those emo bloggers who keeps a food diary and whines about how fat I am. Like that, and interspersed with youtube videos on kids with their fcuking pets.
  4. I like singer-songwriters when it comes to music. Anyone *cough*
  5. I've learned the most about myself since I started blogging. Self-expression, good. Bottle up, bad.
  6. I would love to own a classic car and fix it up myself. Fairlanes are my favorite.
  7. When I was in my late teens I got a horrible infection and caused some damage in my throat. Since then, I sound funny when I laugh but hey, I have a killer phone voice.

20 June 2007

I Love Everybody

This post title was taken from a book title by one of my favorite authors, Laurie Notaro. I like it because it speaks volumes. Before I touch on that, I have to brag.

I met Laurie Notaro at Powell's Books last night.

First off, if you have never been to Powell's 'City of Books', schedule an entire day to see it all (get your map of the store at the front desk). You will love the holy grail of bookstores.

Think: one city block, over a million books..and a cafe for people watching. Why would you ever want to leave?

Last night Powell's hosted Ms. Notaro's new book tour promoting her first novel, There's a (slight chance) I Might Be Going To Hell. Her prior books are memoirs and so comical I had to have every one. She is hilarious, a bit clumsy, approachable, warm, and quick-minded. I loved meeting her in person.

She also does something that I do. She laughs at her own material! Yay! I'm not retarded!

I found it interesting that she mentioned enjoying David Sedaris' books, but was quick to say she absorbs books to a degree that she thinks those things happened to her. To avoid plagiarism, she will not read them. Crazy, huh?

Her example was her utter disappointment that she did not, in fact, write 'Rock You Like A Hurricane' upon hearing the song on the radio at the tender age of eight. Her solution to her problem is that she buys the books to support the authors she loves and puts them on the shelf for reading at a later date.

~Bee is a biblioholic

18 June 2007

what is your personality?

I took this Jung test about a year ago. I like to think of myself as unique so when I see my personality laid out, like they actually wrote about me, surprisingly I get annoyed. I'm special. I'm unique dang it. I'm just floored at how accurate it is even down to my blatent, type A, bold, organizing, family tree researching, managing geeky self.

The test is a modified version of the Myers-Briggs test.

It's free but to get the full evaluation and meaning of the test you have to pay BUT...I just googled the term that they gave me ESTJ and found many free sites to get the description. Mr. Coffee is an ISTJ.


Much in touch with the external environment.
Very responsible.
Pillar of strength.
8.7% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test

other personality tests found at similarminds.com

Oh, and you have to leave the link or result in comments if you take this.
Pretty please??

I'd love to know your I-E S-N F-T J-P type (to humor the psychologist wannabe in me)

14 June 2007

Why not?

Questions to ponder:

What is it about the sex offender registry and these guys with glasses? It doesn't fail. You pull up a group of pictures and these dudes have on glasses that cover half their face. It's like prescription windshields without the wipers with a lot more gross. I swear it's like a uniform.

Why is it when you see someone check their watch, and you ask them, "What time is it?", they always look at their watch again? Try it. This cracks me up.

Why is it culturally accepted to have a bumper sticker that has a Christian fish with the word "Chips" in it. Gee, you'll get fired for speaking against any religious teachings but it must be okay to deface a Christian religious symbol cause we all know that's different.

Why is it when I go into Starbucks and order a latte they insist on making it the temperature of the molten core of the sun? I'm so fond of third degree burns, so I just drink it.

Why don't people understand that not everyone, (in fact, very few), are cut out to be great teachers. Great men and women are great listeners. My new motto is, "It's better to love than to be right." I'm getting that tattooed right next to my other tattoo of a life-sized Elvis head on my butt. (it's the early Elvis, cause I couldn't pay for the late Elvis besides, all his 1970s hair and humongous sideburns wouldn't fit)

This is for us girls: Why do women think big ole' pantylines look appropriate. (Don't get me started on the too-tight-double-boob-thing) Let's be honest here. You look like you have four butt cheeks. Its UGLY. Spanx, people! Buy thongs, people! There are measures to avoid seeing how badly your..um, wadded. And YES, thongs are very comfortable and you'll wonder why you didn't switch earlier.

Why for the love of Laserdisc does my video store have "Please be kind and rewind." inside the DVD case? The. DVD. Case.

Why do they call shampoo, shampoo? Sham is a fake and poo...well. Fake poo? I'm washing my hair with fake poo. Niiiice. Speaking of Poo...why does Pooh Bear run around without pants. Like, nekkid from the waist down. I mean this is a kid's character for crying out loud. How hard is it to draw someone with freaking pants? I could never trust something named Pooh that wears no pants. That's just not right.

Emma sometimes, thinking always.

11 June 2007

Bow Case and Head Case

I've been in a very foul mood yesterday and today. I don't know why. I got a lot done today and even had some coffee with a friend. I have found the best time to clean is when I'm uptight or mad for no reason. You can get the house done in less than an hour. Full-contact grocery shopping is also in order.

In other news, Mr. Coffee was given a bow case by my father in law. It was very sweet. Mr Coffee loved it, but I noticed the paper that went with the case. It's perfect because Mr. Coffee doesn't go hunting but likes to camp, hike and shoot with his dad and wanted to keep the dust and dirt out of his bow when storing it.

Click picture to enlarge.

When I regularly leave the bow case lying in the driveway, I always run it over and wonder if I'm doing it right. Front tire? Retreads? Full stop?

Now I know, thanks to this handy diagram. Thank you Bowmax!

09 June 2007

One list a young man should never make

Women get better with age. It's true. We know our man/partner/boyfriend aren't so naive when it comes to relationships and knowing what we want.

I am not Mr. Coffee's everything, nor should I be. Sexy isn't the size of my jeans or whether or not I have bedhead. It's being comfortable in my own skin. I've learned I can turn Mr. Coffee's head with a smile, I can cook my way to his heart, and that he does need quiet time to unwind from the day. I can read him better after almost 14 years of marriage and no, he REALLY does not care what the neighbor's parking habits are. Verbally barfing about my day when he walks in the door is also never a good idea. Giving him space, respect, love, honor...this is all what I've learned.

So you see, in my eyes, it only gets better. But this below? I believe that some very naive person wrote this (not blaming men for this list either, because it's just ridiculous) The author, has NO IDEA that getting older for a man and woman is just gravy, baby. Not all value comes with DD bolt ons, blonde hair, and possess a certificate showing how they passed the Baywatch beach running audition.

My comments are included below:

29 Things A Woman Past 30 Should Never Do

1. Date vacuous eye candy just because "he's hot." (A.K.A. The Trophy Boyfriend.)
You think a woman shouldn't go for a guy based on initial eye contact? Your assumption that said guy is also shallow and therefore no chemistry makes this point completely stupid.

2. Own more than 3 cats.
They don't give anyone stretch marks from birth, they don't cheat, and nobody needs to be bailed out of jail. They don't hog the remote and they don't get offended when the owner has PMS, feeling less than sociable.

3. Put glitter on any part of her body. (Or star in a movie called Glitter, particularly if her name is Mariah.)
Back up the craft mobile! Perhaps, I shouldn't mention then, when you get older, you will want your spouse to roll in glitter and use the newly installed pole in your bedroom (the spouses favorite 35th birthday present) .

4. Use flavored lip gloss. (Especially not as a "zero calorie desert" because it "doesn't count as food" and therefore can't be considered cheating on your diet.)
It's called sarcasm and this type of banter is deemed funny to most. Lighting your farts with a lighter? SO not funny. Suggesting Lip gloss doubling as dessert? Funny.

5. Speak like Betty Boop.
That's my voice immodulation in the drive-thru intercom. If you adjust your drive-thru headset you can hear it over my pimping car stereo you are drooling over.

6. Wear her jeans below her hips.
As opposed to wearing them under the obvious display of thong undies.

7. Own anything bearing a resemblance to Strawberry Shortcake, Hello Kitty, or My Little Pony.
Hey, I have kids. It's a keychain from mother's day. Freakin' deal with it.

8. Think "But I can change him."
Mr Coffee does DISHES and LAUNDRY..and likes it. Do you imply men don't have brains? Mr. Coffee would like to chat about this at length. Say, down at the docks, or perhaps an abandoned warehouse would do.

9. Go for the bad boy.
Because older women apparently live more than once.

10. Induce a man to do something on the grounds, "But I'm just a woman."
Well, I am a woman and many men glory in being able to do things better. I just don't see myself getting MY prostate checked anytime soon.

11. Take a romance novel seriously.
Only as serious as NFL, Nascar, NBA, or Footy.

12. Single handedly keep Häagen-Dazs in business.
It's my party and I'll fricken eat it if I want to.

13. Bedazzle anything.
You seriously underestimate the appeal of a woman over 30. Don't worry, you'll get it eventually once we 'change you' with our mind powers.

14. Know all the lyrics to any Britney Spears or Spicegirls song.
Well, we've already memorized Lebron James free throw average and number of assists this year in the NBA.

15. Subtract more than ten years when giving her age.
It's our self-defense mechanism to be able to be taken seriously by men like you.

16. Believe anything a clothing salesperson tells you.
Well, since I don't shop at the Army Surplus, I think I'll be okay.

17. Ask, "Does this make me look fat?"
I agree, but in most every language that doesn't translate, "Lie to me". Besides, older women do not ask this because we know better.

18. Expect her man to read her mind (they can barely read their own).
But he does read my mind. And be nice or I'll tell your mom and she'll substitute I'll-Show-You-Mind-Starch instead of fabric softener when she does your wash.

19. Know the complete current story lines of more than 2 soap operas.
And you don't know the complete story line of "24", "LOST" and "The Unit?"

20. Believe in "size 0."
We do, admittedly, because the guys like you STARE AT IT! So now *you* can in exchange, stop wearing your manpris and your shower shoes with socks thinking you are cool.

21. See an ugly guy and tell your friend, "There's your husband!" (unless it really is her husband).
again, think sarcasm. Loosen up, have a bran muffin.

22. Own more diet books than shoes.
Books are great things, you should try them. You can open them, read them and shelve them over and over! Who else would be smart enough to then turn around and sell unwanted books on eBay for profit? (PS. Beer cans do not sell well on eBay)

23. Think that 3 coats of makeup, some rented lingerie, and a camera lens smeared with Vaseline equals "glamour."
As opposed to making out with a cheerleader in the Walgreen's parking lot so your parent's won't find out?

24. Three words: "Grannies Gone Wild."
Thems fightin' words. Grannies are fabulous. You shut your yapper.

25. Consider baby sitter, dog walker, or plant waterer as viable career paths.
Well, we have CEO, IT Director, Manager, and Board Chairperson pretty much covered.

26. Own any t-shirt that says "Eye Candy," "Biatch," "Princess," or anything similar (especially if it's written in shimmering silver text).
My PJ's can say anything I want, Princess.

27. Have "Daddy" on fast dial in your cell phone.
Daddy has the power to hide the body, so I'd stop right here.

28. As a result of deciding "there are no more good men," import your very own small brown child from a far away land.
So we should get knocked up for main stream media's sake instead of contribute to making life better for someone else?

29. Go to the bathroom in a single pack. Several should stay behind in case a search party is needed.
We have to. We talk about you and your dumb 29 things. It's great fun.

05 June 2007

Spotless post

I got my kitchen clean yesterday. I know, not exciting blogging material but it's done. It's shiny and I want to eat off the floor and lick the cabinets with joy.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who chew with their mouth open but next to that, is water spots on my shower door. No, I will not buy a stupid squeegee to step on as it lay at the bottom of my shower and to use only if I remember it.

What I want to know is what is going to get the hard water spots off the squeegee? Yeah, I thought so.

If you are plagued in the hard water spot department, grab a can of WD40 and clean them up without all the scrubbing. A good friend says that baby oil also works in a pinch. Now go forth and be spotless.

It's raining here and smells lovely, like well....rain. Time to fire up the french press.

Last, I need to ask the question of the day:

Does Jackie Chan have a bodyguard?

Just wondering.

02 June 2007

Mom, Are You Going Potty?

If a piece of lumber falls down in Home Depot do people hear it?

Just wondering.

We have Home Depot Kids Workshop biplanes now. Four of them. Now it is time to swim because it's all about the kids. Not me, or my blogging, mopping my kitchen floor, or going to the bathroom in peace, fortheloveofallthatisholy!

I also had a phone call today from Thoroughly Mormon Millie. I always wonder if I will hit it off with people I meet online. I become very chatty and this may come as a complete shock to you...I am not shy. I will warn any future Blogger Meet and Greets, that I am not funny or nice.

In fact, I'm as boring as 3 hour wait at the DMV.

Millie, on the other hand is very sweet. We talked and I knew we would hit it off. I had Home Depot Saturday to go to, genealogy interests, and talked about apartment life with kids. She had genealogical interests, barfing kids and a hamster that just had babies.

See? Separated at birth.