I Titled This Last Due To Too Much Coffee

You never know what is going to make me laugh.

I am still cracking up over HillaryisMomJeans.com. I found out that Barack Obama Is Your New Bicycle too.

If Obama is elected by this nation would that make it an Obama Nation? Only mad gabbers would know.

I've been tagged for memes and since it's from two of my blogger friends, I must comply. Now Holly loves to tag me so, solely for the purpose of infuriating me as only a friend could, but she is pretty darn cool and lives in the UK (which you must know my infatuation with the UK, by now). Seven could easily drive up here and force feed me Folgers and leave with incriminating photographic evidence that I haven't gotten a pedicure in over a year.

I heart, heart, puffy heart them both. You see now why I have to do this? (and don't you just hate that people actually communicate using "I puffy heart you"? That's like saying I need to go to the drippy plop room. I don't think so.

Here for your ~insert massive dripping sarcasm here~ viewing pleasure, another meme.

Pay attention here and no dozing off.

Have it be known, that Meme, pronounced "meem", means a bit of cultural information, that is shared verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another. Also known as something a big time blogger never posts and I end up doing. Is this my poetic fate, meme-ing my way to a book deal? I hope not.

Here I am sharing cultural bits of information by PMS...or MSG, or ESPN. Whatever.

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open it to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence/ phrase.

HEY! No falling asleep, I'm meme-ing here!

4. Blog the next four sentences/ phrases together with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig your shelves for that very special or intellectual book.
6. Tag five people & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.
6. Consider yourself tagged if you want to.

Dude, I heard snoring.

I had to choose the second book. I broke the rules only because my first book was Barbour County, WV Death Records for 1853-1919. I did not think you wanted the details of small children dying of diphtheria, measles and whooping cough.

My excerpt comes from The City Of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau. This book was recommended to me by my 11 year old, the recommendation of which made me proud.

"Mostly insects," said Doon. He told her about his collection of drawings and the worm he was currently observing. To Lina, this sounded far less interesting than an undiscovered city, but she didn't say so. She led Doon over to the table.

Sweet holy morning breath, there is drool on your keyboard.

Here is Holly's meme, which involved being creative.


1. Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random - The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. Click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 - The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. Visit http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ - The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4.Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result.

I know, I know, it's like internet Nyquil but work with me here.

Please click to enlarge rocking new album cover.

photo by szeretlek_ma, used
with permission under CC:BY-NC-SA license

Maybe Mary's Pond will tour with Toad the Wet Sprocket.

Speaking of music, please note my worst playlist ever in my sidebar. I welcome any and all suggestions. If you are looking for music that does not want you to jam icepicks in your ears, try the drop down menu further down.

This concludes my coffee fueled post.

Need Sleepy? Got Me.....me.

I've been tagged for memes and since it's from two bloggers, I must comply.

Now Holly loves to tag me so, solely for the purpose of irking me as only a friend could. She knows I don't like memes. But she is pretty darn cool and lives in the UK (which you must know my infatuation with the UK, by now). Seven could easily drive up here and force feed me Folgers and leave with incriminating photographic evidence that I haven't gotten a pedicure in over a year.

I heart, heart, puffy heart them both. You see now why I have to do this? (and don't you just hate that people actually communicate using "I puffy heart you"? That's like saying I need to go to the drippy plop room. I don't think so.)

Here for your viewing pleasure, another meme.

Pay attention here and no dozing off.

Have it be known, that "meme", pronounced "meem", by definition means a bit of cultural information, that is shared verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another. Also known as something a big time blogger never posts and I end up doing.

Here I am sharing cultural bits of information by ESPN..ESP.. Whatever.

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open it to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence/ phrase.

HEY! No falling asleep, I'm meme-ing here!

4. Blog the next four sentences/ phrases together with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig your shelves for that very special or intellectual book.
6. Tag five people and post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.
6. Consider yourself tagged if you want to.

Dudes, I just heard snoring.


I had to choose the second book. I broke the rules only because my first book was Barbour County, WV Death Records for 1853-1919. I did not think you wanted the details of small children dying of diphtheria, measles and whooping cough.

My excerpt comes from The City Of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau. This book was recommended to me by my 11 year old, the recommendation of which made me proud.

"Mostly insects," said Doon. He told her about his collection of drawings and the worm he was currently observing. To Lina, this sounded far less interesting than an undiscovered city, but she didn't say so. She led Doon over to the table.

Sweet holy morning breath, there is drool on your keyboard. Pay attention....

Here is Holly's meme, which involved being creative.


1. Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random - The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. Click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 - The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. Visit http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ - The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4.Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result.

I know, I know, this is a little like internet Nyquil but work with me here.

Please click to enlarge rocking new album cover.

photo by szeretlek_ma, used
with permission under CC:BY-NC-SA license

Maybe Mary's Pond will tour with Toad the Wet Sprocket.

~Bee concludes her coffee fueled post and is free to move about the cabin.

The Way I See It

I typically drink my triple shot lattes at home. I went on a tea binge when I was sick, but coffee and I are like soul mates, forever entwined in caffeinated love as we lock lips every morning.

There is no way to cheat on coffee indefinitely. It can not be done.

Having shied from Starbucks for several years, I have turned pro Little Guy Gone Entrepreneur Coffee Shack. And lately? I've been more of a My Briefly Unemployed Husband So I Grind and Brew Fair Trade Coffee At Home To Save Money. I have to say, my little Italian stove top espresso pot makes amazing coffee. I am in no pain whatsoever from my Starbucks or otherwise drive-thru fast, no need to worry for my sanity.

For the last year or so Starbucks has donned their hot drinking cups with inspiring quotes and brilliant philosophies to get us through life. I am so happy Starbucks is doing this. I like to see through others point of view and lets face it, we all need something positive to start our day while we road rage on the highways to fill our time cards in our Dilbert-esque, or equally mind-numbing, employment.

The Way I See It campaign if you will, derives from submissions by coffee drinkers far and wide, with hopes their nuggets of political correctness and rules for Utopian societies grace the millions of cups that are toppling our landfills every single day...oh, and making us all more open-minded.

In light of this, I have wanted to make my own pearls of wisdom. I don't believe these will ever shine on the side of a coffee cup, although in the spirit of altruism and narcissism, I will be more than happy to share The Way I See It.

The Way I See It #4477

If only we had more money, all of us, then we all could be rich. We couldn't be famous though, unless we were committed, doing drugs, drinking and driving or had a really bad combover with gold leaf coated guest bathrooms when entire generations are dying of AIDS in Africa.

The Way I See It #4478

When the neighbor in the apartment above you uses their balcony as a recycling heap, and further when said recycling leaks an alcoholic waterfall onto your porch, it would be more productive to just go upstairs and whack them over the head with a meat tenderizer, eliminating the problem entirely. This is much preferred over leaving a polite note on their door and hopefully trusting it doesn't happen again.

The Way I See It #4479

If you took the $4.50 it cost to fill this cup, and deposited it at your local bank at a measly 4% interest, you will have $1186.00 at the end of a year's time. Can I be the first to congratulate you? Sucker.

I think I will write one of these a week. I feel oddly inspired. I would like to extend the invitation to write one of these on your own blog. If you do, please leave a link in my comments and I'll leave some linky love in the bottom of this post.

Throwin Down in The Playground

PHOTO REMOVED
Is this the new face of playground violence?
I don't think so.

Yesterday the kids were home from school for the President's holiday. We tried the library and it was closed...for the holiday. DUH. We went over to the park like every other parent in a 10 mile radius. I swear there were at least 200 kids there enjoying the sunshine and overall a very nice day. Also a day for my nearly 5 year old daughter to make a boy cry and run to his mom.

You think I'm joking?

Lolo was having a blast. She had her drink in hand and decided to get down off of the giant rocking fish thing to put it down. She was standing and turning to get back on and a boy decided to slide in quickly and take the seat.

She protested loudly, "HEY! I was here first!"

I looked at his mom, hoping she would intervene. She didn't budge. I see him start rocking at smiling at Lolo. He chided sing songy, "I'm going to be on this FOR. EVER."

I could see on her face, OH No, he di-int!!

I was about to say something when I caught his mother's eye.

"Is that your son?" She just stood there smiling at me.

I'm thinking, Hello? McFly? Anyone home? Are you brain-dead or do you normally just ignore people while you son is being rude.

I start walking towards Lolo who had already decided to take matters in her own hands. Much to my embarrassment, she puckered her mouth, narrowed her eyes, and shook her fist at him slowly, "You wanna bet?!"

The kid is half a head taller than her but so help me, she was going to throw down on the playground, old school.

Well, she might as well have insulted him by saying he throws ball like a girl. He took one look at her and starting wailing. He ran to his mom just like she'd punched him. I attempted to apologize for my daughter going to get her as well, to apologize, "She has older siblings..I am so sorr...." Mom just shot me a dirty look while she consoled him, "we'll go over to the swings..." completely ignoring me and walking away.

WT...? Sure, Mom. It's not so funny now that your bully is being bullied now, is it? Have him go steal a swing from some poor girl over there while I try to keep from laughing.

Should I feel guilty that I think it's funny? Well, I don't. Feel guilty, that is. I know, I know..bullying is not okay and it isn't the first time she's threatened someone other than her brothers. Once Dapoppin's youngest stuck her tongue at Lolo who responded with a shaking fist, "You wanna knuckle swammich?!"

So my daughter has flexed her independent streak by protecting her turf. She's also earned a serious earful from me on why bullying is not appropriate.

But seriously...it's so stinking funny.

I'm Calling Miss Manners

Throughout the day, I'll do my chores and many times you'll find my ear to the phone. I like to talk with friends.

Who doesn't like friendly banter when conversation with the only other body in the house is sparce.

Which princess dress do I put on my dollies?

Why doesn't Clifford the Big Red Dog go potty?

Why is your bahookie bigger than mine? 

Mmmkay, I'll skip that one...

There are times though, that you should not talk on the phone. Last summer, a friend called (we'll name him Bob) for Mr Coffee at the house. Bob and I briefly caught up on the latest news, his wife in a new job, son's wedding, etc... Suddenly in mid-conversation, hear the unmistakable sound of running water. I think nothing of it until I hear the flush. He flushed. The toilet.

WT...???? Gross. Gross. GROSS.

Even in my disgust, I couldn't help wondering when I'd hear him hitting the bathroom soap.

You better hit the soap buddy, or I'm never shaking hands with you again. Within the next 30 seconds would be good.

This bathroom chatting is a problem, evident by this poll. I was shocked that one-third of people polled so far have talked on the phone while using the loo. Miss Manners has probably never even looked at a phone in a bathroom.

There are things you just don't do in bathrooms. Smoke, blog from the laptop, engage in er.. contractual or otherwise..companionship, leave your name and number on the walls, leave your boss' name and number on the walls, make a bomb out of the toilet....and most importantly, you absolutely do not talk to someone on the phone while you are taking care of business.

Readers, what do you think?

~Bee's imagination thanks you.

Coffees in the House

It's been a while since I put up a post on the kids.

Mayson, age 11½:
Artistic born beauty punctuated with lashes once believed only Revlon could produce. Charming but bossy. Inspired by promises of vanilla lattes or chocolate. Fashion forward. Bookhound, music lover, and massive boy appeal (wholly unwanted, of course). Drama Queen tendencies with moody intonations. Rachael Ray fan and baking aficionado. Infectious smile, warmth toward all and loyal friend. Wears heart on sleeve. Relishes all things cultural. Career options: "Obstetrician, Pediatrician or Veterinarian".

Two seconds after this was taken, they were having a burping contest.
They both have to goof off every time I pull out the camera, including,
but not limited to, Hit Man Bob faces.

Max says, "Anyone up for a staring contest?"

Max, age 9:
Einstein genius packed in seemingly-starved body punctuated with an over-sized smile. Walter Mitty imagination with vocabulary of tenured Harvard English Professor. First student in 3rd grade student to openly correct school teacher. Trained in the Jedi arts and slapstick comedy. Sensitive disposition with uncanny girl magnetism. Loves all things French and nearly fluent in (ASL) sign language. Master of comedy, devourer of books, with over-attention to details, including, but not limited to, meal times. Budding Competitive Eating Champion. Career options: "Theoretical Physicist, Army Ranger, or Chemist".

Aiden-Spidey Man and Mayson

Aiden, age 7½:
Mr. Coffee's mini-me clone. Predilection toward Prefontaine spontaneity. Leading researcher for Lego, Star Wars and Bionicle. Frequent snapple lemonade taste tester. Gives 110%. Easily humored by Sponge Bob, comic books, and discussions about bodily functions. Can build four story home with a box of Q-Tips, two sheets of plywood, and a lump of dried Play-Doh. Goal-oriented with vocal plans that include owning a yellow mini cooper, fathering over two dozen children, and owning a dog to be named "Stink". Career options: "Policeman, Firefighter, or Runner in the Olympics who wears yellow".

Strike a pose

Lolo, age 4:
Left-handed artist with flare for the dramatic. Acrylic painting proficiencies. Prefers classical, jazz and Natasha Beddingfield. Aversion to all things Barney. Drawn to swimming, nudity, and the outdoors, preferably together. Budding Drill Instructor with mind-numbing vocal projection. Bookish inclinations. Favorites include Everybody Poops. Adores fashion, makeup, and sloppy dog kisses. Amazing sense of style and liberal with objective criticism of others style choices. Bottomless supply of side-splitting laughter, hugs and tickle fights. Career options: Interior Designer, Tour Guide at the Louvre, or Barbie Princess.

To My 18 Year Old Self

Not too long ago, I read a book by Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence. It is fascinating to me only because emotional intelligence is a fairly new idea compared to IQ, and in my mind, just as important.

I've often wished I could sit down with my 18 year old self and smack some emotionally intelligent wisdom into my head. The way I see people interact these days, I wonder how in the world they've managed to make it this far in life by being so utterly controlling, obtuse, or even downright rude to those around them, even those they claim to love or respect. It's baffling to me.

What would you do if you could speak wisdom to your younger self? Something to help you through life? Love? Marriage? Job? I would start with good advice on relationships:

◘ When you forgive someone, it does not matter if they are sorry or even remorseful. Forgiveness is done for *you*, not for the person you are forgiving. Regardless, trust and forgiveness do not always go hand in hand and that's nothing to feel guilty over.

◘ When in doubt, keep your mouth shut and just listen.

◘ The best way to open-mindedness is to accept the fact that people are different and should not be controlled. If you argue with someone just to be right, this is not respecting them. This does not make you the a**hole, this makes you the whole a**.

◘ Only communicate with someone to be heard. Throwing out topics off-subject during an argument means you do not want resolution, you want to inflict pain. Surround your life with those who pursue resolution.

◘ You cannot make people do what you want them to do.

◘ Do not apologize for how you feel but always take responsibility for how you act on your feelings.

◘ When conversing, explain how the persons actions make you feel, not what they are doing wrong. Nobody likes to be scolded like a 5 year old. However, most people will adjust their actions if they find those actions are hurting others.

◘ When communicating, avoid using the words, "You always" and "You never". I don't know about you, but who reading knows anyone that consistent?

◘ Give another person the benefit of the doubt. Reiterate ideas and ask questions before you assume you understand intent. Not all of us were made to be prolific communicators, like me ~cough~ whatever ~cough cough~

So, what would you say to your 18 year old self?