30 November 2009

My NonComplacent Blog Is 5

Keeping up with my maddening posting schedule of once a month, I'm making this a celebratory post...and inspiring you in the process.

I'm a dinosaur in blog years. 6 years of blogging Go me! Since myspace blogging doesn't quite grace my mind as proper blogging, I'll proudly admit to a 5 year old Blogger Birthday today.

Abandoning my status quo of silly entertainment for a few, I'll share with you the latest and greatest in BeeRepartee-ville. I've been all kinds of seriously lately and wonder if I decided to grow up when it comes to being realistic about my goals. And so I've discovered something.


How I hate that word.

The concept is a constant antagonist in my life...seeping, prying, invading. For me, complacency is lingering without direction or wisdom, not a peaceful state of being. In other words, mediocrity. I fight with this daily because to be mediocre when goals are to be had or while pursuing great accomplishments, I would just rather not try at all.

I could chalk up a lack of trying to my need for perfectionism or the latest socially digestible phrase such as OCD, however I only know one way to push off complacency: charge my way through the problem with all the mental prowess and physical strength I have at my disposal. Charging like a bull is exhausting.

Sometimes this fight is all consuming and leaves little for friends, family, my hobbies, and things I love to do. Sometimes I am overcome with bouts of melancholy and hopelessness that I will not succeed in my goals leaving me to cling to discipline to get me through. I do not categorize these bouts as clinical depression but simply knowing my own mood swings and knowing myself best. Its these darker times I see myself in the truest light, the simplest form, to allow myself to be introspective enough to challenge what I don't have the drive or will to accomplish.

Is this part of growing up? Is this what 'knowing yourself' is all about? Perhaps, it is. In any event, I feed my inner Drill Instructor to pull from myself the will and drive to accomplish great things.

In short? A disciplined self is a powerful self.

I've had to challenge myself this quarter in school. Disciplines are difficult for me as a constant. Motivation is difficult. I get bored, tired, or my worst enemy...feeling status quo and beat myself up for not being the best. Half-assed is not a method to a comfortable end for me however, it is my tendency to go there when I'm feeling less than motivated.

I say all this because I know many also struggle with this. I'm not alone. Whether it's personal, psychological, physical, or spiritual, I think most everyone can agree that complacency is a nightmare to any kind of goal.

I challenge you to find an area of your life where you know you should or could use disciplines. I've picked this next semester to be a serious throw down for me. I will own each and every one of my classes. I've already picked up running for a personal discipline. And at the risk of sounding narcissistic, I am freaking proud of myself for sticking with it even when there are sleeps to be had!

There is also something to be said for the glory of a well-filled ipod to make a 2 mile run a reality.

I hope to stick to this challenge to myself over this next bloggy year. In turn, I hope this post will bring about a positivity to your day, your week, or your life. It's my 5 year bloggy birthday present to you.

You are welcome.

~Bee will share her running music mix if you share yours