blogroll smogroll

Since Gwynne decided to share with us her breakfast of champions, I decided to share with her my inspiration*. Note my modification and most important foundation of the Food Pyramid.

*Click picture to enlarge


Now the big dilemma. To Link or Unlink, that is the question.

I've seen these disclaimers now on blogs about blogrolls. Not fun blog disclaimers. I'm talking passive-aggressive disclaimers on why the blog owner can't just take the link off without feeling guilty and yammering on about it. No, I'm not bitter.

No one likes to be removed. I have been taken off someones blogroll and I wondered, 'what did I say', 'do they hate my writing' , 'See? I'm not that funny' or 'I wonder if their statcounter will show all 428 hits yesterday'. In light of this, I have come up with a blogroll disclaimer:

YOU WILL APPEAR ON MY BLOGROLL:

• IF I read your blog regularly. If you ignore me I won't link to you. I will also sign you up at half a dozen free coupon sites just for spite. I sure hope you like email.
  

• IF you make me snort my coffee in the morning, you are automatically linked. If I perhaps laugh at more than one post, I will give you extra kudos. If you make me wet my person while laughing, I might just have to add you to my blog stalker shrine.
  

• IF you make me think. I'm afraid my brain has gone to mush with toddler toys, coffee makers, spell check and calculators. I continue self-improvement efforts with a daily Sudoku game to keep my brain as nimble as a three year olds fingers. Thinking = good. Mush = bad.

• IF you come by my blog and say hi. Happy communication is a happy friendship.
  

• If you are famous and I want to look important and/or funny I will absolutely link to you. (ie, Dave Barry, Homestarrunner)

• If you appeared in the latest NY Times Bestsmeller Chicken Soup for the Blogroll.

YOUR LINK DISAPPEARS:

• IF you have offered to be my sugar daddy, online stalker or other such sordid romantic gestures. Have it be known, I'm a female, 800 lb construction worker with a Subaru Outback and 5 o'clock shadow. I've also been banned from Yahoo Personals and MySpace. I feel the most dainty when my pit hair is braided and my nail polish, tube socks and prison overalls match (Bonnie Bell #37 Faded Denim)
  

• IF I simply do not read your blog. Come on. It's not rocket surgery.

• IF I screwed up my template links. This should be reason #1.

• IF the number of "F" bombs and rated R content you use on your blog is taken into consideration. More than one episode in 6mos. and your voted off the island by The Prude Tribe. Unless you are waiterrant. Why waiterrant? I don't know him but he is hilarious.
  

• Lastly, you may have indicated a keen interest in the following, to which I am wholly against: Animal sacrifice, Hungry Man frozen dinners, fingernail ornaments involving cartoon characters, faux birthstones or swirl decals, fruitcake, plastic yard ornaments shaped like a granny's backside, Ozzy Osborne, instant coffee, yugos, Barbara Streisand music, owning Michael Jackson records, myspace (but I make a few exceptions), el caminos, Jerry Springer, spam & peanut butter sandwiches, sales pitches that include my large purchase of beauty products, Hammerpants, m@gic, fortune telling, and last but not least, boycotting toothpaste and or deodorant.

Last note for those inquiring, Mozilla's browser Firefox allows me to see when you have updated your posts. I pull up about 15 blogs at a time, so if you see me on your statcounter for over an hour, I'm either commenting or stepped away to change my tube socks.