Back In 4

Well, I'm going to be out until Monday. I'm going to do some genealogical research, some heavy duty cleaning and just wait...before and after photos of my newly painted hallway.

Until then, I thought I would share this nice little questionnaire sent to me by a friend and since I was born a So. Cal gal, I thought it was funny. No this is not a meme.


GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:  

Name:_________________________
Birth Name:_____________________
Stage name: ____________________
Agent:_________________________
Manager:_______________________
Attorney:_______________________
Therapist name:__________________


 Sex:
[ ] female
[ ] male
[ ] formerly male
[ ] formerly female
[ ] both

 *If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
Yes___ No ___ 

Brand of cell phone: ________**
Bluetooth_________________
*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________ 

Please check hair color:

Females:
[ ] Blonde
[ ] Platinum Blonde
[ ] Extensions


Teenagers:
[ ] Red
[ ] Orange
[ ] Green
[ ] Purple
[ ] Blue
[ ] Black
[ ] Dreadlocks
[ ] Skinhead
[ ] Wig

If Over 25:
[ ] Hair plugs
[ ] Hair piece


Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching A Movie
[ ] Fiddling with SatNav
[ ] Adjusting iPod
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop or cellphone
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading 
        Please indicate how many times:
        a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____

        b) you expect to be shot at while driving _____
        c) you expect to be the getaway car_____


If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
[ ] Call the police to report the crime.
[ ] Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
[ ] Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through.
[ ] Call your therapist.
[ ] Leave your portfolio and headshot in front passenger seat

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
[ ] stop your car
[ ] keep driving and hope for the best
[ ] Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
[ ] pull out your video camera and obtain footage for YouTube, Channel 9, and Facebook

In the instance of rain, you should:
[ ] never drive over 5 MPH
[ ] drive twice as fast as usual
[ ] you're not sure what "rain" is


Please indicate number of therapy sessions
per week: ___________.
*If you do not have a therapist, please explain:
________________


Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
[ ] Prozac
[ ] Zovirax
[ ] Lithium
[ ] Zanax
[ ] HGH
[ ] Valium
[ ] Zoloft
[ ] Viagra/Cialis
[ ] All of the above
[ ] None of the above
 *If none, please explain:
___________________________. 

Length of daily commute:
[ ] Less than 1 hour
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] 3 hours
[ ] 4 hours or more
 * If less than 1 hour, please explain:
______________________. 

When stopped by police, you should:
 [ ] pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
 [ ] try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.
 [ ] have your video camera ready for YouTube and provoke them to attack.
 [ ] start humming the CHIPS theme song.


When turning, you should always signal
your intentions by:
[ ] using your directional signals.
[ ] what is a "directional signal"?


Which part of your car will wear out most often?
[ ] the brakes
[ ] the belts
[ ] the horn
[ ] the sunroof
[ ] the speakers

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
[ ] dark, poorly lit roads
[ ] flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way.
[ ] revenge

Your rear view mirror is for:
[ ] watching for approaching cars
[ ] watching for approaching police cars
[ ] checking your hair
[ ] checking your hair plugs
[x] checking your botox injection site
(already checked for your convenience)

Please allow minimum of 4 hours when dropping off application.

Sign where applicable:

Name:__________________________

Birth Name:_______________________

Stage name: ____________________

Pen name: ______________________

Agent:__________________________

Manager:________________________

Attorney:________________________

Power of Attorney:________________

Parent of Minor:________________

Immigration Officer:____________

Parole Officer:_________________