Last week, I took trip to the Health Department to get my kids immunized for school. which entailed taking an elevator in their massive new building. I despise public elevators for the germ factor alone. Elevator buttons are on my short list right next to lick grocery store floor and suck on end of post office pen. Ewww.
This glorious government office had only one employee working. She never once looked up, and when she finally stood it was to grab her purse and go to lunch. I waited 10 minutes for them to tell me to go to the free clinic next week. Typical runaround.
During our wait though, the kids started whining for candy in the jars by the front customer service windows. They were light colored, round, and in green wrappers and no, not candy.
Most places give out little freebies for kids or patrons. My mechanic gives out magnets. The doctor's office or bank has calendars, pens, or suckers. The Health Department apparently gives out condoms.
My middle schooler spotted them first. She nearly shouted, "They have green apple suckers! Can I have a sucker? CAN I HAVE ONE, PUHHHHLEEEEEEZE?!"
Her brothers and sister chimed in quickly, "We want suckers! I want a sucker! Why can't I have a sucker!"
I tried to suppress my laughter, "Um, no sweetie," I whispered to my daughter even quieter, "those aren't suckers, they're condoms."
"OH!" She smiled, looking red-faced over her faux pas.
"What's a condom?" asked my 8 year old. The entire waiting room was looking at me by this time as they probably wondered if I knew the answer with my four kids in tow and all within 6 years of each other.
Lord help us, where is your father when I need him?!
I started to answer and realized that my older son was beet red. I whispered, "It's for married people."
I had most of the Health Department staff and patrons ready to burn me at the stake. So shoot me, they are young kids and I only tell them enough for them to satisfy their curiosity. How else can I teach them my values without standing strong? But I'm not going to lie to them and say The Health Dept. only sees sexually active marrieds with unwanted pregnancies and STDs.
~Bee will go ballistic if they give out "caramel green apple suckers" in school.