07 June 2006

Oh that's SAD

WARNING: No drinking, eating while reading this post. Going to the bathroom is also a recommended precursor. Okay, maybe I'm really not that funny, but I warned you.

Whenever I make it down to WalMart, for luxuries like toilet paper, soap and diapers, I come across the phenomena I like to call Selective Associate Disappearance.

Selective Associate Disappearance aka S.A.D.:
To search in vain for one, single, live, warm body when you require some assistance to find the store completely void of employees. (See WalMart)

For example, it is S.A.D when I am unable to find someone to help me with the mondo box of wipes that teeters precariously out of reach up on the top shelf.

It's S.A.D. when I want to put something on layaway like a brown pant suit and can't get someone to help me.

It's even more S.A.D. if I purchase something large like a 20 foot artificial Christmas tree. Well, that's sad and S.A.D., because I would be missing out on so much fun.

These disappearing employees must be over on the other side of the store re-stocking isles with merchandise from the Great Wall. This Great Wall is an enormous row of goods that successfully cuts you off from the cashiers..basically forever. It divides the place in half and you end up dragging kids with cart, ramming and backing out of every possible tiny exit with my cart attempting to be freed.

No can do.

I would then be the equivalent of 10 blocks away, out the automotive door, passing by employees who looking guilty. Perhaps for racing customer cars behind the store. Who knows?
I roll past the only working employee, who is roaching tires on a Subaru Outback. I start to get dizzy from oil fumes while my kids are hollering for me to open the 5 gallon bucket of fish crackers.

I succeed in navigating successfully around the end of the Great Wall, back to civilization. It's then I discover that I need help finding something like Jock Itch creme.....um, I mean Athlete's Foot creme.

S.A.D. just happens.

Or perhaps you would run into someone like this guy, who is Oh. So. Eager. to help. I can thank egorgry over at flickr.com for capturing this Employee of the Month Kodak moment (photo used with permission).

WalMart is an equal opportunity employer. I'll give them that. Darth even has his own name tag. How proud were HIS parents?

Anyway, I reluctantly start inquiring. I explain to the 5th sales associate 'that doesn't work in that department' that I'm looking for Jock Itch creme. I am pretty much mortified. I'd rather leave empty-handed before the boys clad in Wally-World blue spontaneously burst into hysterics. They lamely attempt to hide their suppressed laughter over my quest for personal vendibles.

Employee of the Month, I don't think so.

Or Maybe they were just laughing at my brown pant suit on layaway?

No comments:

Post a Comment

"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe