20 April 2007

Hairy Situtations

I have a problem.
It's my bathroom.

I know, not the most incredible blogging prose to produce and let you wallow in, to allow you to rest your eyes upon, and waft up your nostrils. I'm talking even more dirty grit..like when hairy bathrooms need to become clean again. Clean bathrooms are important but I have discovered something peculiar.

I am just going to say it. I have very long hair, down past the middle of my back and my bathroom is enduring the gruesome fallout of a rapidly balding head. Hair has kind of....a little...yeah, completely taken over my bathroom.

Birds nests in my sink and hairbrush. Stray hair on my floor. I could have stuffed a mattress by now or made a mullet wig. The good news is that if cloning ever becomes a reality, I'm going to live forever.

The master bath...also knows as Mr. Coffee's bathroom, gets surprisingly filthy on a daily basis. I have to practically cross myself before I step foot in the room, holding garlic and a wooden cross. I use and love Clorox wipes which, have no doubt, was the brain child by a mother of more than one boy.

Speaking of brain child...my van is under attack. I know, lousy segue.

I believe my vehicle has a sign on it that says, "PLEASE bang the crap out of my doors with your doors, because this van can't depreciate fast enough without you." The next inconsiderate bozo, so help me, is getting A Heater Vent Special. Eggs, buttermilk, and one can of tuna might be involved. Right down the windshield air vents.

Putting aside a possible stint of vehicular mischief, I am sore and grumpy. This is plainly the effect of some hairbrained idea that my treadmill is "good exercise". Pffft.

I've been working out, walking on the treadmill, and cycling. I love that I can pop into the community gym at my apartment, ipod blaring with something motivating like Metallica or Van Halen, while two 95lb Backstreet Boys attempt unsuccessfully to impress me with the number of reps they can bench.

I drink bigger cups of coffee than these guys.

Even as I may appear to be some outdated relic, they must be jealous of my techno savvy and exercise prowess. I can tell. I just flash my smile while I rid myself of kimono arms.

Who's the old lady now!? Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah....oh, that's me.

~Bee is listening to "Brick House" by the Commodores.


Henny Penny said...

Stress makes your hair fall out. Cruel, but true. Sigh.

I love the way you describe your gym mates. LOL

Aunt Jo said...

i hate hairy brushes

i love blaring ipods

i like treadmills

i could keep my house clean if it weren't for those other mess makers in my family.....messes just fall off cassidy. everywhere she goes. she is like a little taz leaving a trail in her path. gotta love her though. she can belt out some tunes!

Stalker Cyberstalker said...

Grump is funny. (Or maybe I just want to believe that?)

For years, I wore my hair short, short, short, and never noticed this hair problem. Now, it really doesn't seem possible there's any hair on my head, given the amount that ends up around the bathroom drain.

I remember that particular perk of living in apartment complexes. I had a new Malibu once, and I used to say every a***** in the county had dinged it at least once with a door. I would try to park as close to Pink's car as possible or park in an end spot, right up against the curb.

Ha, I was working out at a fitness center once, and I happened to look over at this scrawny teenaged boy doing bench presses who had gotten in a bit over his head. He couldn't get the bar off his chest. He was actually trying to wiggle out from under it without much success. No one else was around, and he looked on the verge of panic. I went over and helped him lift it; you know how when you're struggling with heavy weight like that, oftentimes someone can help lift it with just a couple of fingers...? Anyway, this kid didn't know that, so later he and his buddies come around to look at my muscles. I was deathly skinny then. It was funny.

Thanks for the template offer. I wonder if you would mind spiffing up my other place? Maybe a book theme?

JLR said...

I'm so jealous of your community gym! I have to go to my regular, miles away gym, which I never do, because it's faaaaaaaar, so I just keep getting fatter. So pro you.

As for the hair thing--I feel your pain. I shed like dog. It gets everywhere.

R said...

The HAIR. Gag. Sounds like my bathrooms except I always have the added touch of urine puddling everywhere.

I would not blare your ipod. I am having hearing issues (no lie) from doing it for a full year now since running on my treadmill with the thing on. I am getting the sound of waves in my ears and at times a constant high-pitched sound. It is not fun. I know it is from my ipod because everytime I put the thing on my ears start to hurt. I now put the volume down fairly low, which is a bummer, but better than pain!

Good for you getting on that treadmill and cycling! More energy to cross yourself and battle the hairy mess!

McBunni said...

Our bathrooms are really similar. Except, my long hair ends up all over the dang house! (Stupid hardwood floors!)

I fell your pain, my dear.

Dapoppins said...

I lift bigger cups of coffee!!!! Oh yeah. You tell those skinny buggers how to do it...and the hair fall out! Can't believe you told the world about the hair fall out! GAH

~Jennifer said...

You think 34 year old muscles have a time? Oy! My 39 year old muscles are staging a revolt after my walk this morning. I'll tell you what our training walk leader keeps saying. Stretching, LOTS of stretching.

Ba Doozie said...

those boys better pray to the god of skinny punks that you don't go over to them and jam a van up their....er......uh....

new cars are a magnet for dings. I had mine a whole 2 weeks and every stinking side had been scraped and dinged. I could have parked in the calahari desert, and it wouldn't have helped.

your post was all over tarnations. As for the bathroom talk, I once saved my hair in a shoebox to prove how much I lost everyday. I got bored of that, and figured out no one cared but me. The boy complains all the time about my hair getting on him, and mostly in his sandwiches at school. I say, hair is dead protein, so it should be healthy just eat it!! geez

joe dirt said...

I'd appreciate if you could save some of that hair for me, my wig is getting a little "rough" and I'm going to need a new one soon

Leslee said...

I feel your pain. Even when my hair is short I can stop a bathtub drain in less then a month!

Eileen said...

Oh, the hair, my bathroom is full of it too. It just keeps getting worse and worse. I totally understand. Grumpy is good, at least you are getting your feelings out. And good job for actually getting on the treadmill, your my hero. That has been my goal for the past month. I will do in tomorrow, you inspired me, with my ipod blaring. YOU GO!

homedepot Ho said...

what I would do is put down some adhesive on the floor, and after a week or so you will have what is comonly refered to as "astroturf" only it will be a less annoying color

The Lazy Iguana said...

I have hair problems too, but not the same kind of hair problems you have.

I have 4 cats. That is three too many really. Two of them lave long hair. Needless to say, it is like the wild wild west here - except the tumbleweeds are made of cat hair. It gets everywhere. I have found cat hair in the freezer. THE FREEZER!!! How the hell does it get in there? The cats never go into the freezer. It is really amazing where hair can get. But you probably already know about this.

Anyway, I like your AC vent recipe. Do you use a blender to mix all the stuff up?

And may I humbly suggest a can of salmon flavored cat food in place of the tuna? That canned cat food stuff STINKS something horrible. And it is cheaper than tuna. Canned tuna is good for a quick lunch. The cat food stuff is made from "fish byproducts" - meaning the gross icky parts people do not want to eat.

Broccoli also stinks, if you boil it and then leave it sit out overnight.

I try to park my truck away from everyone else if possible.

Please post a photo of your van so people will know they better not park near it.

wolfbaby said...

darn i was laughing so hard at the end I forgot what the begning was about.. durr now i need to go back

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