05 January 2008

Aint Nothing Gonna Breaka My Stride

I have loyal readers that take the time to befriend me, full of sage advice on how I should approach my feelings.

Do you ever get a feeling of disrespect, or condescension by those who call themselves your family, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, fill-in-the-blank?

I have had this constant feeling that Mr Coffee and our family is looked down upon as failures. It's been hanging over me for a while now. I don't know what to do with it. It's even worse when it stems from family.

I feel defensive for Mr Coffee's sake but honestly, he doesn't care what people think of him. I shouldn't but don't dismiss me either. I do have issue with how we are treated.

People have the right to feel however they damn well please but disrespect, blatant or otherwise? I have tendency to drop that relationship and never look back...or just get it out in the open and throw down.

Honesty usually gets me in jam. People aren't used to non-passive behavior. It makes them defensive. So I become the problem for stepping up and saying 'what is the problem!'. Avoiding responsibility is something that always rubs me raw. I prefer honesty, but my value for getting things out in the open is not always preferred by others.

I know everyone has a relationship or two like this.

You may or may not understand my irritation, but I'm tired of being the one who causes the problems when I'm the only one with brass ones to get things out in the open. Festering is never a good thing.

I don't let condescending people define me or my family. Concrete is hard, good, honest work. So is staying at home with my four kids. I feel no shame because we are budgeted to the penny in the winter and have our windfall in the summer. He works hard. Although, being budgeted doesn't mean I need hand me down fat clothes or that I'm incapable of taking care of my kids...or better yet, that I'm or we are less than.

It amazes me how many forget their humble beginnings.

I am so very thankful for those who have helped our family at one time or another. Everyone that I have known has been in a place of need at SOME time in their life. Someone has lent a hand, help, or just be a shoulder to lean on. This is always welcome by me as long as I don't get the proverbial pity with it.

For support? I am thankful beyond words. Pity can take a flying leap.

I don't expect anyone to bail me out. For pete's sake, I stand on my own feet. I am sober. I play scratch-its once a year. My babies were born after we married and they all belong to Mr. Coffee. I have all my own teeth and don't drink or do drugs. 

I swear to you, just last week I mentioned to an acquaintance that I was finishing designing a website and a template. This someone says to me, "Oh, really? I didn't know you do that..you get paid too?! So that's what you do during the day?"

I have been talking about what I do for the last two years. Who listens to me anymore? I should just say,

"Um, NO, I sit on my butt all day, eat bon bons, and watch soap operas. I make my failure of a husband do all the work. I also sacrifice my values by letting my kids eat normal food, then sending them off to the Devil's Public School while I send myself into Zoloft hell under the guilt of not homeschooling. I determine my life worth threefold: a white glove test of my house, my ability to keep up with the Joneses, and driving around a car I can't afford while I spend beyond my means."

Yeah. I bite my tongue.

I'd get angry, say something snarky, and my skin would peel off when my skull and face split open. When I start to levitate and cobras come out of my brain it might be a little intimidating.

People telling me what I can't do are a dime a dozen and very disposable. That's positive thinking for you. Good company make good people..positive people. This is the people I keep around me. I think it's made me a positive person. In fact, I practically spout rainbows as I sing Shiny Happy People, every morning in the shower.

My point is what do you do when you feel this condescension? Do you ignore it? Because addressing it makes you the problem..or do you make polite and superficial relationships because they are friend, neighbor, family, co-worker, fill-in-the-blank?

A lot of oxygen world people read my blog. If this post hit a nerve in our relationship, perhaps you might evaluate your condescension and ideas about those around you. We are all works in progress. Either way, these things have already been aired to those whom I have issue with, so don't tell me how to feel or put words in my mouth (hello, anon, don't be an epic asshat and pick up the phone)

What's a girl to do when she wants a positive outlook on life that is only getting better and someone is always there to find the negative?

What would you do?

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