09 November 2007

The Great Starbucks Has Spoken

I found this website that cracked me up.

Astrology is lame, t@rot cards are a joke and most personality tests are too long. Let the omniscient and all-wise Starbucks Gods reveal your personality simply by what you drink at Starbucks. Mine?

I didn't write this..really. Get your own assessment here.

Personality type: A**-clown

You tell people that you're an executive at your company. You think that your repeated references to being "addicted" to caffeine make you seem intriguing and dangerous. People think you're a sucker because you spend 60% of your annual income at Starbucks. Everyone who drinks Grande Triple-Shot, no foam, Latte ends up addicted to crack.

Also drinks: Zima
Can also be found at: Karaoke bars

They are so off-base. I only tell relatives I'm the CEO..maybe it's because I'm so addicted to coffee.


Jas... said...

"Everyone who drinks Grande Triple-Shot, no foam, Latte ends up addicted to crack."

Bah hahahahahaha!

Jeff said...

So, did you spell tarot with an "@" so strange people looking for "tarot cards" in Google wouldn't find it and flood your site with unwanted visits?

Good idea.

Jennifer said...

This? Is fabulous. I must go take that test immediately.

Jennifer said...

I think they're saying I'm a coffee lightweight:

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Clueless

You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. Most people who drink Tall white chocolate mocha are strippers.

Also drinks: Wine coolers
Can also be found at: The mall

Pretty spot on except I detest wine coolers. They used to be my thing, though, when I was around 18. I like my wine straight up now. I know, pretty hardcore.

Kimberly said...

I'm clueless because I drink hot chocolate. I may also be a stripper.

R said...

Here's mine when I order at night:

Personality type: Freak

No person of sound mind would go to an EXPENSIVE COFFEE SHOP to get a drink WITHOUT CAFFEINE. Your hobbies include going to ski resorts in the summer and flushing $5 bills down the toilet. You are a menace to society.

Also drinks: Non-alcoholic beer
Can also be found at: Pools with no water


Avery Gray said...

I'm a stripper, too!

Gwynne said...

Heh, my first drink order renders me an A$#-Clown also. My second renders me "Fat." Since when did fat become a personality type?!

krok6 said...


I don't drink coffee, never have. I have very white teeth though.

sarahgrace said...

Yep... apparently I'm clueless too. That Starbucks oracle is brutal. I put in several of the drinks I order (because I like to try different things) and I even got called and a$$hat! What the hay!

dawn224 said...

Mine was the same as Jennifer - now I'm off to drink Too strong day old Folgers with powdered coffeemate. I wonder what that says about me...
(that my husband went grocery shopping, this is what he got and I'm tired from the kid)

Laughing Boy said...

hi emma, i typed in 'normal'
....well, i might as well have been slapped with a cold fish, that rude computer told me that the starbucks staff would have no idea what i was talking about, which is something that i should be used to!!!!

should i have said regular or medium???...(i'm too offended to go back there.)

Knot said...

I don't like coffee or chocolate. My dad drank his folgers straight and black all day long.

Chocolate is the same. I don't eat it and it reminds me of the stir people make about Starbucks.

It's just candy ...


Mom Thumb said...

Oh my God! I'm a schmuck who lies and would sleep my way to the top except for the fact that I would miss stabbing people in the back on the way up. And I have the same drink as porn stars. I'm switching to tea.

McBunni said...

That is freaking hilarious!!!!

I posted my result...go see, go see! :)

McBunni said...

....I could do this all day! LOL

QZ~Ba Doozie said...

I'm high maintenance...am I the only one? it is so spot on though because I am totally a pain in the butt and my friends are secretly plotting to kill me

holly said...

emma! starbucks is my favorite! how could it lie to me! it told me i pride myself on being assertive and direct. hmmm... perhaps one day i'll have the guts to tell them what i may or may not think of that.

and i would never be found at a trendy martini bar.

unless they had malibu and/or amaretto.

i'm so disillusioned.

Skerrib said...

When I order vanilla steamed milk, I'm 'lame'...my husband got high maintenance too, which I have to say is one of the most accurate assessments of him EVER. Except that I'm not really plotting to kill him. Yet...bwuahaha!

Mike Marshall said...

I am also clueless and a stripper..............I swear I haven't stripped since the early '80's..........hey......someone dared me.....Mike.

MommyCosm said...

I'm a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte addict.
I guess that means that I'm high maintenance. Hmm...that's only slightly true.

Also, it says that I'm "constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting."

I guess that's why I blog??

loveyh said...

Oooh, I'm so close to being true on my assessment! I order a venti non-fat light whip extra-hot mocha:

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.

Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars

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