12 October 2008

There Is No Spoon

There is a lot to be said in my earlier poll about judgments, stereotypes, body image, and discrimination..for both sides of the scale. You can see the results on my weight poll if you go back a post or two..

Maybe this is the very reason blogging appeals to me. Beyond my Amazon height, junk in the trunk, and slightly chipped front tooth, there are people who befriend me based on things that are, well..more than skin deep.

Blogging is a community of people who have the ability to "meet" someone's personality first. How often do you get that kind of opportunity?

When you come to my blog, you see my blog design and creative side. By writing, I can procure a laugh, an amen, or take a stab at some odd observation. It's blogging that makes it possible to empathetically commiserate over your worries or invite you into an idea that inspires or teaches.

Not once while blogging will I be thought of as the skinniest or fattest in the room. For a woman, that is a load off, only because of our society that places so much emphasis on youth and beauty.

What happened to wisdom and character?

I know. It's not a perfect world as long as we have eyes to see and places of power to rise up and meet. Blogging to me is a welcome substitute for the imperfect reality. Case in point....

This weekend I went to a 5 year old's party for my daughter's friend. I felt like an outsider, with the moms seemingly knowing each other. I however, knew no one.

The dads and I seemed out of place watching the kids bob up and down in the gigantic inflatable castle-slide thingie and in intervals, eating too much junk food. Nothing is as bonding for guys as sitting and talking about the awesomeness of gigantic inflatable thing that may induce bodily harm. Well, maybe blowing up gigantic inflatable castle-slide thingies with a stick of dynamite and then eating pizza afterwards.

One of the dads struck up a conversation with me. I didn't feel like answering loads of personal questions, so I started asking him about his family. Nothing too straightforward. People love to talk about themselves and so it went he was happy to oblige me with answers. He was friendly, but his wife came over immediately and made a point to meet me. She sent him to the car for an errand.

She knew nothing about me and she was afraid I was trolling on her husband. It was so weird. I wished Mr Coffee had been there, so she wouldn't have felt she had to follow me around. But in the meantime. I was just as bored as he was and for that alone? Guilty as charged.

I did learn from the wife/mom that my youngest is part of a clique at school.

You see, girls do this. Boys do not until they are much older in school and share cheat codes to World of Warcraft or group up and vote on whether or not hygiene is really that important.

The news came out. I was informed my 5 year old daughter is just short of joining the Hell's Angels.

My baby girl is the King Pin for The BFF Club in Kindergarten.

HUH? That was the first I'd heard of it.

My daughter has no clue what BFF means. I've never used that term, let alone witnessed her usage of it. I should complain because it is another child that has soiled my Kindergartner's vocabulary with pop culture acronyms. INMP, meh. The mom at the birthday party further informed me that the girls indiscriminately kick each other off the Club and the next day they are allowed back in if they are nice. I wish I could do this in a PTA meeting.

This mom acted like this was one step short of juvie. She might as well have said these girls take blood pacts, pack heat under their pink-hooded, fleece-lined coats, and sell crack straight from their Strawberry Shortcake lunch pails.

I had never met these moms until that day, but I felt judged over something ridiculous like a BFF Club. They are 5 and 6 year olds! This is how they play. But for me? I'm the one standing on my own conversing with strangers who are married.

Home-wrecker and Man-stealer. Encourage Gang Activity. Not Shoving Myself Into Their Private Jokes? I would rather be online with my blog friends? Heck yeah.

~Bee is teaching her daughter to steal cars next week. Fo Shizzle, my dizzle....


SheaLuna said...

Obviously these women have WAY too much time on their hands. Fo' Shizzle.

Heather said...

Absolutely, positively, completely! My goodness, this is one of the things I LOVE about blogging. Because of the lack of physical presence people don't make snap judgments (except maybe on blog design--I TOTALLY refuse to hang out on blogs with flashy icons all up and down the sidebar, bright yellow or pink--you know, headache inducing.) :) Otherwise it has nothing to do with looks. :) I am ALWAYS odd man out at get togethers--partly because I don't follow the mom-style or the chatter (not good at small talk), and abhor the once over looks a lot of women do. You know the look you up and down before they start speaking? Drives me insane. :) Then there are those who immediately comment on the way I allow my children to choose their own clothes leaving the house, even if it means stripes and polka dots and neon green. On the other hand with a blog, well you get to know people first, and they can judge me from my heart and words instead of my clothing style or hair. :) Of course that means some people still run the other way but...at least they are doing it for reasons other than the way I (or my children) look.:)

Anonymous said...

You have a chipped tooth? Oooh...I don't know if we can be friends anymore. : ) You know, I think blogging has let me truly become comfortable with who I am. I love that no one judges me for the amount that I talk, and in fact it's encouraged. No one cares about the 10 pounds that come and go depending on my mood. It's comforting. It's nice to know that there are people out there who come back to visit me because they seem to like who I am, not what I look like or who I hang out with. Great post!!!

Foo said...

Blogging is a community of people who have the ability to catch a peek of someone's personality first. How often do you get that kind of opportunity?

Often enough to get me a wife. It wasn't blogging, per se, but I first met Turtle after dissolving a 5-year engagement and suddenly discovering that my ex had pretty much chased away all my friends. So I fired up the IRC client and went back to a social chat channel (i.e., not a meat market) I used to frequent – just to see if I still knew anybody there.

I met Turtle there and got to know her soul long before we'd ever met face to face. I'm quick to admit that, if I'd been doing the night club thing, looking for Ms. Right, the cute little blonde with the dimples and the titanium wheelchair wouldn't have been my first choice. Meeting as we did via the internet gave me the opportunity to get to know her before any other biases might have cut things short.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Snort, "Fo' Shizzle, my dizzle" I haveto teach Miss M that. Or is it rude??

And I love my bloggy frineds as they really get the real me. I love not worrying about the size of my ar*e or the fact my hair is cra**y due to a hormone thing. And you lot wouldn't care if I wore a great big curly fright wig would you?


And I will kick the nasty evil 'clicky' women if I ever meet them, cos that could happen one day. :D

Heffalump said...

I love that blogging is all about personality and I don't have to worry so much about shallow judgements, just about grammatical errors.
Kindergarten clicks are what make having a daughter scary! I never had to worry about things like that with my boys...and I am not scared of MY daughter...its other people's daughter's I am scared of (meaning the ones she will have to hang around in school...and their mothers!)

Heffalump said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

Good thing she marked her turf, because between friendly conversation and gang activities, you must be monitored.


Some people are silly. I get why it's better here.

R said...

Oh for crying in a bucket! That sounds like something that would happen to me!

Doozie said...

I have been trying to read, and comment on this for about an hour. I blame WALTER

ancient one said...

Yeah, coming over here is way more fun.. than whatever they are doing...LOL

Dapoppins said...

Who is that hot chick with the cool glasses on your blog?

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I was in that club once upon a time. I was the lackey. Such fun.

Love the point you're making here. I love feeling like I'm loved for who I am and that whether or not I've gotten around to plucking my eyebrows recently just isn't a factor.

holly said...

yes. we are much better than they. weeeeeee! love uuuuuuus!

the bff club? did you tell her you were a member of the bfd club?

what are people like?!

and i wish my bippy was sweet. it so isn't.

Dapoppins said...

Because your real life freinds werent there with you to laugh loudly in our own bff club?

Kirstin said...

Oh, how sad! I hate the cliquey stuff and am glad my girls aren't caught up in it. Of course they're homeschooled (they can have their own little club and kick each other out). I see it so often though on the soccer field especially with the older girls. thankfully my oldest hates that stuff too, and we talk about it all the time.

And I'm with you....she's in kindergarten...good grief. Did you ask the mom if you could join her BFF club? Hee hee! Sounds like the clique stuff probably started with one of their daughters, and yours is getting the blame.

And yes, we should love people not for what they look like, what clothes they wear or their position in life, but simply for who they are and who God created them to be.

I liked you the minute I met you C(: And I liked Wayne the minute I him and he was quite the character back then. Yep, teachin my girls to love all people and be willing to befriend anyone.

Millie said...

She only told you that about your daughter because you flirted so outrageously with her property. I mean, husband. What a shrew.

Love the avatar! You look like Jackie O.

I keep seeing your title, "There is no spoon" and keep wanting to finish it, "... there is only Zool." That doesn't date me at all, does it?

Anne said...

I hate parties like that. I try to dance around in la la land and pretend no one is talking about me or snickering about my double chin. :)

Whistle Britches said...

I don't know if I'm going to agree or disagree with you here.
our oldest had cliquey friends in kindergarten thru 5 grade. Carly just never quite made it into the club mainly because of her weight.Carly lost a lot of true friends from trying to compete to be in the club.
We had to cut ties with them.
She's just now at the age of 13 learning not to be like that.
a daddy's advice is, be careful.

sarahgrace said...

With my oldest just starting school for the first time, I'm discovering the "mom cliques" that seem to exist, much to my disappointment...

Jaina said...

I wonder at how vast that woman's insecurities are that she would behave like that. And I agree with SarahGrace...I've seen those with my brothers friends parents. Heck, my mom felt them with me!

Rebecca Blevins said...

I hate cliques. I much prefer the internet. You can get much closer to people through partial anonymity. Quite the paradox, I think.

Nice blog, by the way.

JD said...

It's cause you're hot! They are obviously jealous!
And they would fit in my town just peachy. I swear I left 7th grade like 18 years ago. I guess some people's insecurities about the status of their children didn't leave them.

In crowds like that I love being on the outside :)

Momo Fali said...

Egads! So funny, but I would be just the opposite of that woman. I tread lightly until I know someone. After that, though, I am all foot in mouth!

Sorry you had to deal with that...really.

Mrs4444 said...

Sounds like you met an insecure mom and wife. Poor thing. And poor husband (assuming he isn't a cheating jerk). The blogging community is great; where else can you find a friend to chat with at 1am or get immediate feedback from numerous (often objective) friends. I love it!

Skerrib said...

I do think cliques are lame (I was never in the cool ones, so...), which leads me to wonder why the mom cares so much about them. Maybe she wishes she were in the club too??

Doozie said...

The nazi's are coming, and they have flippy hair and white keds.

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