05 October 2005

Baby Named Superman

What are these people thinking? Maybe they are just not. Today, I read that Nicolas Cage just had a baby and they named him Kal-El.

Did you get that?

Kal-El. As in Superman's Kryptonite name.

Granted, he was once Nicolas Coppola and changed his last name to Cage after the comic book hero, Luke Cage. Jeez, mine would have been Bee AquaMan. Or Bee Man, which would have been an oxymoron and besides, my hair is not wavy or yellow.

I'll tell you what Kal-EL won't miss..it's when he grows up, that sweet, doomed boy is going to come home from school everyday with an enormous wedgie out the back of his DKNY jeans and all of his allowance gone.

Three words...THER-AHH-PEE!

How about some other special names chosen by celebrities:

Christie Brinkley has a daughter Sailor Lee.
Thanks Mom, for naming me after a lame pair of jeans. Who's the Uptown Girl now?

Demi Moore and Bruce Willis have Rumer and Scout.
Brucey, I thought you liked the name?
No, hun, I was talking about your pregnancy when I said "Can't she have it sooner?!" not "Better name the baby Rumer!"

Bob Geldof and wife had Peaches and Fifi-Trixiebelle.
cause you see DelMonte was taken and my doggie name book has some winners!

Apple Martin, daughter to Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin.
just an 'i' away from a delicious cocktail and what is with the fruitbasket, Hollywood?

Elle MacPherson had a son named Arpad Flynn.
but Elle, deodorant makes my arpad's itch.

Tracey Gold has a son named Sage.
And these are his siblings Corriander and Garlic.

Cher and Sonny Bono had a baby years ago named Chastity.
Uh, as in 'virginity'....don't tell me her middle name is Belt.

Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna have a daughter Delilah Belle.
Delilah? You named a baby after an Old Testament tart? I hope Lisa will be able to pronounce it with her lips.

But I believe Frank Zappa has the corner on unusual children's names:

Moon Unit (calling Buzz Aldrin)
Dweezil (Isn't he that skinny guy on Saved By the Bell?)
Ahmet Rodan (excuse me, Helmet Roadin'..er, um....I'm a Rodent.....wait! I'm at what?)
and Diva (puulease! I'm a model, you know what I mean...)

He should have just bought a baby name book long ago...what do you think?

**Disclaimer: I can appreciate a world of diversity, names reflecting the cultures around the world and the family history names represent. The similarities to your own name, if it is listed here, is strictly coincidental unless I am totally making fun of your celebrity parents. If that the case, then well, sorry, dude, but your parents deserved it.

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe