I'm not dead....

I'm just busy.......be back to post by Tuesday night. Until then, I give you some Steven Wright humor.

He makes me laugh.

Hard.

***

Everywhere is in walking distance if you have the time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.


Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.


I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me-- and I didn't hear it.


He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."


I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.


I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.


My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.


I like to reminisce with people I don't know.


I like to skate on the other side of the ice.


If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.


Four years ago... No, it was yesterday. Today I... No, that wasn't me. Sometimes I... No, I don't.


Is it weird in here, or is it just me?


A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."


Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.


Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.


It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.


Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.


You can't have everything. Where would you put it?


I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... Perhaps you've seen it.


It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.


When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.


I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."


I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.


One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.