14 June 2007

Why not?

Questions to ponder:

What is it about the sex offender registry and these guys with glasses? It doesn't fail. You pull up a group of pictures and these dudes have on glasses that cover half their face. It's like prescription windshields without the wipers with a lot more gross. I swear it's like a uniform.

Why is it when you see someone check their watch, and you ask them, "What time is it?", they always look at their watch again? Try it. This cracks me up.

Why is it culturally accepted to have a bumper sticker that has a Christian fish with the word "Chips" in it. Gee, you'll get fired for speaking against any religious teachings but it must be okay to deface a Christian religious symbol cause we all know that's different.

Why is it when I go into Starbucks and order a latte they insist on making it the temperature of the molten core of the sun? I'm so fond of third degree burns, so I just drink it.

Why don't people understand that not everyone, (in fact, very few), are cut out to be great teachers. Great men and women are great listeners. My new motto is, "It's better to love than to be right." I'm getting that tattooed right next to my other tattoo of a life-sized Elvis head on my butt. (it's the early Elvis, cause I couldn't pay for the late Elvis besides, all his 1970s hair and humongous sideburns wouldn't fit)

This is for us girls: Why do women think big ole' pantylines look appropriate. (Don't get me started on the too-tight-double-boob-thing) Let's be honest here. You look like you have four butt cheeks. Its UGLY. Spanx, people! Buy thongs, people! There are measures to avoid seeing how badly your..um, wadded. And YES, thongs are very comfortable and you'll wonder why you didn't switch earlier.

Why for the love of Laserdisc does my video store have "Please be kind and rewind." inside the DVD case? The. DVD. Case.

Why do they call shampoo, shampoo? Sham is a fake and poo...well. Fake poo? I'm washing my hair with fake poo. Niiiice. Speaking of Poo...why does Pooh Bear run around without pants. Like, nekkid from the waist down. I mean this is a kid's character for crying out loud. How hard is it to draw someone with freaking pants? I could never trust something named Pooh that wears no pants. That's just not right.

Emma sometimes, thinking always.

42 comments:

~Jennifer said...

What exactly is the purpose of a thong anyway? Wouldn't it be better to just go commando?

Jenn said...

You wear unders for breathability sake, for lack of a better term.

Ba Doozie said...

Right off the top of my head I can think of some people I wish would get that tattoo of your phrase on their hiney's.....then when they FINALLY pull their heads out of their butts its the first thing they will see....good stuff...

I really like you, you're a nice lady

Ba Doozie said...

I had to read this post twice to get the full gist of it. I think what you are trying to say is this...as with post structuralism, these points to ponder tend towards manifestations in a cultural, intellectual, or artistic state lacking a clear central hierarchy or organizing principle and embodying extreme complexity, contradiction, ambiguity, diversity, and interconnectedness or interreferentiality

Danielle said...

Once again you've left me with more laughlines and tears in my eyes...you are so right about that time thing...I am so guilty...and once again...back to the thongs...that was the very reason I started wearing them...not to be the sexy over 50 woman that I already am...but to avoid those panty lines!!! Thanks for the giggles this morning before I head out and give my class their final exam of the semester ;)

Ian said...

What is it about lists of questions like this that get me all excited about answering them?

Don't worry, I won't.

Ian

R said...

Never thought of pooh bear with no pants. Very untrustworthy.

I once wore green underwear without thinking underneath white pants. A lady I worked with yelled out in front of everyone at the department store, "Never wear green panties under white pants!" To say the least, I was quite embarrassed.

I was going to comment about something else but I am now drawing a blank.

KingJaymz said...

I'll spare you the part about subconscious references and information intake.

Actually, they make great panties that are full-bottomed that give no panty-line. My wife wears them. I notice those sorts of things (as well as I actually am a helpful and interested presence when the Queen and I go clothes shopping for her). You don't have to "thing-a-thong" to appear seemless. And, if you do just a little looking, you can find them at many department stores, but the lingerie stores in the mall are the best place to check.

So Ems, did you rewind it?

Jenn said...

badoozie,
hehehe, brynelle couldn't share a backside..or perhaps they could. I like you too, will you be my friend? You can wear my helmet.

badoozie,
I understood that.

danielle b.,
glad to be of service. I WOULD LOVE to hear one of your classes....

ian,
Oh, but it would be funny coming from you. PS. Mr. Coffee is now a fan of your Lego comics. He loved them!

r,
Oh, how embarrassing. Sometimes people do get forgetful....black unders w/white tshirt. I hate it when I do that. Hey, what day is today....is it Friday yet?!! (stapling calendar to forehead)

kingjaymz,
Subconscious references? Do my questions mean I have issues with corporate America or will I spend my fortieth birthday in prison for going postal? I'm very upfront so don't look for hidden meanings, unless you have pantylines..then I can't help you.

SimplyAmusingDesigns.com said...

We don't always look at our watch again, sometimes we just say really dumb stuff. Picture it: 22 and standing outside the bathroom at the movies, waiting for my husband. Absolutely gorgeous man across the hall looking at me, I get nervous and glance at my wrist (which also happens to have my watch on it), and when he inquires of me, "What time is it?"...I answer back, "Oh...I don't know, I was just looking at my watch."

Oh, The Joys said...

I wrote a post about panty lines a while back and was FLOORED to learn (from the male comments) that guys think panty lines are sexy. FLOORED.

RR said...

Personally, I have no problem with the fact that Winnie-the-Pooh does not wear pants. After, I don't know of too many animals that do wear pants.

However, I do have a problem with the molten temperatures of Starbucks beverages, which is why I always ask for them to be 130 degrees. Sure, I get strange looks, but at least I've stopped burning my tongue. I used to order my mochas at 140 degrees, but that was just a smidge too hot, so I decided to push the you-will-get-a-strange-look envelope and ask for 130 degrees. It was worth it.

And Oh, the Joys? Get. Out. I can't believe that. How on earth can they think it's sexy? Men are so weird.

Brillig said...

Hahahahaha.

I too have noticed this watch phenomenon. In fact, I have done it myself MANY times!

And, unfortunately for me, I COULD get the older Elvis head on my butt. Yup. It's THAT big. Sigh.

Jenn said...

karen,
hahaha! That is classic.

oh, the joys,
Really???! Darn it! Now, I have to rethink this.

rr,
You should see my neighbors dog. I think the poor mutt wants to kill himself. Dogs should not wear OUTFITS. I order mine at 140 too. I forget that I have it when I set it down somewhere. I think it's a brain damage thing, like, "If you give a Mom a Coffee Cup" Forget giving a Pig A Pancake.

brillig,
Oh, don't get me wrong. I think I could fit a life sized ELVIS on me now. ~hrumphhhh~

Anonymous said...

On the DVD's - I have often been miffed because of some unthinking rental store patrons forgetting to rewind the disk. So I spend hours rewinding the thing and just when I get to watch it.., its time to return the gosh darn thing! (excuse my man profanity there)

I say we start prosecuting people who simply are too dog-gone lazy to rewind the lazer disk! Its posolutely criminal. :-)

Daveman said...

ACK! That Anonymous person was me. I had a malfunction - blush - excuse me while I go home and change.

Emma Disc Rewinder Extraordinaire said...

daveman,

YOU are always welcome here, anon or not. hehe.

I like to post on my friends blog with weird names and link appropriately. This can be GREAT fun.

Stalker Cyberstalker said...

Well, you wouldn't want to wash your hair with the real poo, would you?

What is wrong with that Doozie? Did a Thesaurus fall on her head?

Kristi said...

Every time I go into Starbucks I have to ask them to make it hot like lava. I'd rather get burned than sip cold coffee.

eyes_only4him said...

ok, I have once posted about the watch thing..its so very true..

and all your other things, i to have thought the same things..

great minds think alike my friend.

KingJaymz said...

No Ems, I'm not talking about your subconscious, the watch person's is what I meant. Somehow, I think you already knew that and you used this opportunity to needle me for some humore. Well, it worked.

Staring down at a watch can be a subconscious habit a person does for many reasons. One such common instance would be when they're nervous (and around hair like yours, who wouldn't be). Also, it might be that it was motivated and absorbed by the subconscious part of our mind. If that's the case, we are aware of the time, but can't bring it immediately to recollection because it is not hanging out in the conscious/readily accessible part of the brain.

I don't find vps sexy. It's like being forced to watch a woman (who is not my wife) run around in her underwear. I don't want that. Gag me.

JRH said...

Ya know, maybe I'm unusual, but I wear my thongs on my feet.

thethinker said...

The panty line thing is a big pet peeve of mine as well.

Jenny said...

Oh my God, I've never rewound any of my DVD's. How terribly rude of me.

McBunni said...

Em, you're a friggin' genius, what can I say?

There's way too much I could say about each "question" so I'm just gonna leave it at that. :)

Herr Krokodil said...

Emma,

This post bored me except for the thong undies. There's just something about a tight butt in a thong.

How are your roots doing?

Dapoppins said...

Next time some one asks me what time it is I will look at my watch and say, "Uh. I dunno."

Nocturnal said...

Heh, good point re:chips; never realized that. Nice random thoughts.

Henny Penny said...

I don't know! Okay... There. I admitted it. LOL

Anonymous said...

I love pantylines.Love'em

Aunt Jo said...

I must go ponder these things.

Stalker Cyberstalker said...

And why is it those mall Santas always look like ex-convicts and sex offenders. They have those same glasses....

Dapoppins said...

Remind you never ever to show you my husbands family photo.

Dapoppins said...

That thong topic is way too intimate for me. TMI

Leslee said...

If it's tattooed on your butt can you see it to read it or show other people?

FancyPants said...

Hi. I'm a new reader. Found your blog from the Cachinnator. I like your blog alot, and I especially love how you just spelled, "nekkid."

Jenn said...

There are rarely any animal cartoon characters that wear pants but no shirt, but plenty who wear a shirt but no pants. They have what's acceptable for nudity in reverse. I have pondered this myself.

Jeff said...

Emma - you're crazy and all over the place. And I love that!

Ba Doozie said...

holy mother.....put up a new post already!!

Millie said...

I agree about shampoo (as opposed to real poo) and Pooh wearing a shirt but not pants. What is the shirt covering? Little bear nips? If you're concerned that a male bear is exposing himself unnecessarily, wouldn't pants be the more obvious choice?

But then, I'm no Disney cartoonist, so what do I know.

Anne said...

Okay - I am SO excited! Thanks for the SPANX link! I need to find my debit card.

wolfbaby said...

Dude you crack me up, your to funny

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