04 October 2007

Strange Women Lying In Ponds

The title has nothing to do with anything but I think that Monty Python skit rocks.

I have decided to be more positive. I mean it this time. I am only going to surround myself with those who ooze positivity, dot every 'I' with a heart, and can at any moment launch into a lengthy soliloquy on the meritorious glories of starting the day with bran cereal.

Perhaps it's the company I keep that is inspiring my insanity. Carpooling moms or the awesome mailman with a funky tattoo that don each of his calves. Maybe it's the fellow apartment dweller that I noticed picking her teeth in the rear view mirror with a dollar bill.  Okay, not her cause we all know that's clean.

I'm going to start surrounding myself with more people who do not care if I drink too much coffee. It has not yet stunted my growth since I'm just shy of 6ft tall.

People who don't think I'm shallow for watching only the last 10 minutes of The Bachelor to see who goes home crying this week. And we wonder why they are still single?

I will immerse in the presence of happy souls who eat probiotic foods, green leafy vegetables and an entire large bucket of extra buttered pop corn with a Box-of-Milk-Duds chaser at the movies. I will ingratiate myself with those who eat too many breakfast pastries (like Invisible Woman, who has been hiding wicked skills, and not just Invisibility. She can throw down the Strawberry Pop Tarts. I'm just saying... ) and lets not forget the daily phone calls from fellow bloggers who are demented enough to think I'm slightly funny.

Let's just face it. I am not.

In turn, I will actively avoid those who:
Eat too much chili, can name all of the members of the Partridge Family, enjoy patchouli (that's Arabic for "stink"), wearers of tube socks or lycra gym shorts. People who still use the term "my bad", can dance to BJ Thomas, put the 'poo' in carpooling, grow a chia head afro, regularly watch golf on TV, or pick their nose behind the invisibility of their car windows. Granny Fanny cutouts are out as are drinkers of Sunny Delight.

Which if you think about it, is neither Sunny or Delightful. How much carpet did those Marketing Dudes smoke?

Last but not least, I will write happy, random posts such as this so you are left to ponder if I have been indeed been drinking too much coffee....or just drinking too much Sunny Delight.

Woohoo, I'm already feeling positive.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh good lord...I think we were sniffing the same patchouli today....I really don't have any rock salt, or BJ thomas, or do I?

Anonymous said...

me firsties!!!

Anonymous said...

BR
549

Anonymous said...

Hey, you drink as much coffee as you want. I'll join you. Hell, I can sleep when I'm DEAD.

Ian

Anonymous said...

ian,
doozer and I say that all the time, "You can stop quoting Chris Farley when you are DEAD!"

Anonymous said...

dooz,
Don't make me sing "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head". Dude. That song makes me cut a rug.

Anonymous said...

Had my bran. But at my age it's the only hope you have of makin a poop.

Goin for that second cup of coffee.

I contributed to the world too. Made a very touching and dare I say....thought provoking, movie.


I'm gonna go look at myself in the mirror now. See if my halo got here yet.

Anonymous said...

Oh, come on. Everyone picks their nose from behind the invisibility of their car windows. Don't deny it.

Anonymous said...

I'm wearing tube socks right now. They're warm, BUT I'm drinking coffee. I just really want to be in your club. I can't stand Sunny D. Whadya say? Can I hang out with you?

Anonymous said...

Since you're only hanging with the shiny, happy peops now, let me say I enjoyed our association quite a bit. (Sniffs).

I hate patchouli.

Anonymous said...

I can give up shuffleboard for you...any day.

Anonymous said...

Ch-ch-ch-chia!

Thank you for thinking of us Mo's. We really, really like you and don't care if you drink coffee.

Anonymous said...

Good choice for a title. I pretty much had Holy Grail memorized by the time I was 17. And STILL one of my all-time favorites!

Um, I can name all the Partridge Family members, so I hope you won't start avoiding me.

Anonymous said...

Darn! And there I was contemplating which Granny Fanny cutout would best accentuate the leafy greens of my probiotic garden. Now I don't know where I stand with you. But Dapoppins told me you'd really like me a lot. That's gotta count for something, right?

Anonymous said...

And I linked to you because I think you're hilarious, but don't let that sway your judgement. No, really. Don't.

Anonymous said...

Avery,
Oh, we are best friends now. hehe. I love your humor. Dapoppins knew we were two peas in a pod. You blog is hilarious. (Squirrel Kicker? hehe)

Jeff,
I couldn't avoid you, besides, you are too cool and play one killer harmonica. Can you really name the entire Partridge Family?

Mills,
Don't tell me you have a chia pet...I've actually grown..ehm, killed a chia herb garden.

Jennifer,
for the love of all things smiley-faced, I will always be your friend, tube socks, and all.

Anonymous said...

heffalump,
We can compromise with like..air hockey?

Scarlet,
I deliberately mentioned our association cause you ARE all that and a bag of chips. :)

Anonymous said...

skerrib,
um....Noooo? ~insert gilt ridden voice here~

crabby,
Bran makes the world a better place and has the wonderful side effect of helping the TP industry. You made a movie?

Anonymous said...

To Avery Gray: SHUT UP

To Emma...I forgot what I was going to say but it was going to have big words and sound impressive.

Anonymous said...

dapoppins,
I like big words.

Anonymous said...

dapoppins, that happens to me quite frequently. I mean, I was GOING to be witty and impressively intelligent but then I got distracted by cats playing the piano on YouTube.

Just found your blog through cre8buzz, love it. :)

purplepolkadot/elizabeth

Anonymous said...

The ONLY thing I do, that is characteristic in those you will avoid, is "pick [my] nose behind the invisibility of car windows".

However, I believe that you can NEVER have enough coffee. As a matter of fact, I'm going to make a pot. Right. Now.

Anonymous said...

I loves chili! Darn you. I promise to be more positive from now on.

Anonymous said...

Ok, so you and Dooz have lost it.

HOW did I miss this yesterday?!?!?

Anonymous said...

*sniff* so you'll never visit my blog again. *sniff* and I like you so much!

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth,
You are always welcome and I'm usually not this crazy sounding. I promise.

Secret Agent Mama,
PUT OUT A CUP, it's code CoffeeBloggerWantsACupToo.

Gwynne,
Chili is fine. I like chili. It's after effects, me no likey! and what do you mean more positive. You are always positive.

McBunni,
You were buried under the Medicare Plans Chapter.

Dawn,
Oh, this is just fun and games and lots of buttered popcorn.

Anonymous said...

As you move from clinically obese to super obese I assure you that I will still love you.

Anonymous said...

krok,
Even with a herniated belly button and more chins than a Chinese phone book? I'm so proud of you, that you are embracing diversity. I could almost cry but I might ruin my mascara.

Anonymous said...

Gee whiz, Emma, I love chili and can be known for making a whole pot for myself to chow on during the week because no one in my family will touch it (and I make good Mexican chili---sorry, it rocks, but the gas doesn't!).

I also LOVE patchouli---I was just singing it's praises to the girl that was yapping on and on at my house yesterday? I was showing her a tour of my soap stash and said, "And THIS is my absolute favorite!" and took a huge sniff. It was patchouli. I think she did the same thing with it as she did with the Eisley music---just barely sniffed it and shrugged her shoulders.

And sometimes I do the unthinkable---I won't write it down here---but to get those dudes who hang out their car windows to get my attention---I do the dirty deed. Solves that problem!!!

No wonder you don't call me. I am such a melancholy person, I think you would have issues with me anyway.

And I used to like Sunny D---but only because it brought good memories of being at my friend's house as a kid. It makes me choke, really.

You are exuding positivity though. I think I need to be around more negative people. Oh wait---I get to be around Dear Sir. Ha ha. Oh wait again---he thinks he is "realistic".

Anonymous said...

i feel exactly the same way about sunny delight. bleeechhK!

Anonymous said...

No, Dapoppins, you shut up! Shut up! Emma had me at hello! She had me at hello.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I was testing you. It appears you do recognize me in my Halloween costume. Nice work.

BTW, I have discovered I like raspberry PopTarts quite a bit, too. Not as much as strawberry, though. Both go well with a shot of Drambuie first thing in the morning....

Anonymous said...

I love coffee!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

If you're going to have popcorn and milk duds at the movies, go ahead and take it that one extra step; do what a former English teacher of mine does--she puts her milk duds in her popcorn. I haven't tried it (allergic to corn), but she says it's delicious.

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