My Sixth Sense Says You Are Moded

I woke up feeling better this morning ~coffee now!~ and reflected on yesterday ~crabby mccrabby pants~. After I posted, I took some quiet time ~biblioholic~. But no matter how much quiet time rejuvenates the soul ~blogging crack~, there is nothing akin to being completely validated ~narcissistic~ when all others think you are certifiable ~PET team~.

"Hon, I'm telling you. That car out there is stolen ~ugly piece of crap~. It's been here nearly two months. The radio is ripped out ~stolen~. The glove compartment is WIDE open ~stolen~. There is mail all over the back seat ~stolen~. I'd bet my life on it..."

Mr Coffee knows me well enough ~E.S.P.~. I get these weird hunches that somehow pan out ~Liberace is gay~.

He sounded surprised ~a man~, "The radio is gone? Like ripped-out gone?"

Mr Coffee agreed as he grabbed his cell phone ~mine's better~ and called the apartment office, "Hi! It's Mr Coffee. Can you run a plate match on a vehicle ~piece of scrap~ and see if it belongs to someone here in the complex?" He read off the plate and description ~do it~.

He smiled at me ~you wanna?~ while she had him on hold on the phone. She clattered on her keyboard ~wants to birth his babies~. No matches ~over my dead body~.

I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly fell out ~as if~. The office somehow jumps to attention when HE talks to them ~EF Hutton~, whereas I am quickly dismissed ~white noise~ like some retard busybody ~neighbor from hell~.

Don't get me wrong, they are really nice women in the office ~condescending~. They are MORE than helpful ~dismissive~ but I've worked in property management~smarter~. I'm also a conscientious, quiet tenant that pays rent ~will own your job~ . The thing is, they get paid to act on property issues ~lazy~.

I don't ~unemployed mother and college student~.

I know what you are thinking ~nuh-huh~. You think I'm one of those neighbors ~busybody~. Well, yes and no ~yes~. I would be more like the neighbor ~killing machine~ that uses the guise of PTA meetings ~flippy mom hair~, baked cookies ~bribes~ for the local kids, and a 1996 minivan ~piece of crap~ as a facade for her secret agent job ~scissor kicking heads~.

I notice people ~unwadding~. I remember things ~nekkid parents, age 7~. Last week I informed the office that a lady was rummaging through the recycle bins ~arsewipe~. Sure enough, she was stealing for ID theft ~jail bait~.

The office recommended ~pushed off~ that Mr Coffee call the police ~Superman~. Dispatch said an officer would be out and suddenly, the manager shows up ~saving face~, "I know who owns that car.."

I knew she wasn't being honest ~pants on fire~. Not deliberately spiteful or rude but because she was escorting a woman ~big cheese~ around the property (little did I know, from the mortgage company). My 5 year old ~blabber bob~ was excited and blurted the news to the manager and mortgage lady. It was a very awkward moment ~insert crickets~ and the manager ignored me ~saving face~ and whisked the mortgage lady away ~dollar signs~.

The police did show up. The car was stolen over a month ago ~told you so~.

And the manager? She's avoiding me today ~got crow?~ because just as my eight year-old self ~blabber bob~ loved to proclaim, "She is totally moded!"

I'd be embarrassed, too with two months of egg on my face. ~totally moded~

~Bee loves parking validation ~not crazy but close~

****
Humor-Blogs.com give me linky love, so humor me
(pun intended)
and go by and check them out.