06 February 2009

Speaking Manure

As a self proclaimed 'greenie', I do my best to live as the hipsters say, "consciously". Not the garden variety of staying awake after a booze bender type of conscious. It's drooling over front-load washers variety of greenie, wannabe hybrid-driving, growing my own organic basil and rosemary, and buying tree bark toilet paper. I feel pride breaking down cardboard, sorting my glass, and squashing my aluminum cans. I even recycle paint thinner and leftover iodine from my back porch meth lab.

Just kidding. I only make meth on the front porch.

I know you can feel nothing but admiration and awe, but don't nominate me for Greenie of the Year just yet. I still prefer plastic at the grocery because I'm too cheap to buy small garbage bags. Think about all those scented garbage liners I'm saving from a landfill. Baby diapers and bricks of fruitcake will have to live in eternity by themselves. BUT, the good news is that greenies across the globe can chalk up another item to be green about: Conversation. Organic Conversation.

It was the word "organic" that tickled my ears. I was tuning in to the radio the other day, between rocking out and talk radio boredom, my ears perked up when a DJ started whining about regulations. She complained of the injustice of daytime television censuring. She also mentioned her pasty-white tan which shows you the level of genius I endured.

Off topic, can you really have a pasty-white tan? Do they have florescent lighting beds to zap you of all color? Cubicle lighting is known to zap natural glow. Like bleaching skin with way less chemical burns.

Back to our brilliant shock jock, further commenting on how regulations should be changed to allow people to "speak organically". Have you heard of this phrase before? "Speaking organically"

Like manure?

Who wants to hear verbal diarrhea on TV and radio? I could just as easily get my fill on my 5 year old's school bus without passing additional laws to hear someone say 'shit' on the radio. But let's work with the moronic idea of speaking organically.

If ever there was a socially acceptable time to speak organically, couldn't we also deem the practice as "verbally lazy" or simply showing little "communicative respect"?

The bright side is organic speakers could use sex references to finally open up dialog with their otherwise clandestine teen. Green speak would organically license of using God's name in a common way while justifying religious intolerance. Anyone swear by Buddha? Mohammad? The Pope? Organic speech makes this possible.

You've probably heard the proclamation, "that's so g a y!' referencing something lame or stupid. Immediately, the complainer is labeled as homophobic. Although, the same person can take God's name and use it in a common and irreverent way. Aren't they both equally disrespectful? (spoiler: YES)

Swearing, as opposed to bad language, goes against my nature, my upbringing, and my idea of what it is to be an intelligent conversationalist. Besides, "organic speaking" immediately reminds me of spouting manure. You have to admit, there is nothing as organic as manure.

The idea of TV and radio censure boils down to protecting young minds, respectful speech, and myriad beliefs. I hope we never lose sight of why, as a society, we censure radio and TV. I never want to embrace "speaking organically" because that's a load of crap.

~Bee will also continue to buy non-green, two-ply toilet paper.
Listening to: Mr Brightside by The Killers


Ed (zoesdad) said...

Not so sure where I fall on the censorship line but you make a pretty compelling point.

Millie said...

I agree whole-heartedly. I think it's hilarious that my normally foul-mouthed sibs totally tone it down when they're around me, the "white sheep" of the family.

My question is, why even talk that way in the first place, if you know people might possibly be offended by it?

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

I'm still confused. I'm dying to know where you heard this...

McBunni said...

I have to add my two cents. Since you're one who loves opions I'm going to share mine. :)

I guess you could call me a manure-speaker. A agree with the DJ that one should be able to say whatever they want, whenever they want. It's annoying that "cuss" words aren't socially acceptable in certain situations. Sometimes dropping the f-bomb is just NECESSARY! :)

On a side note, to add to your argument, I also believe resorting to saying manure-like words has severely limited my vocabulary. I'll have to admit, this is annoying. I just don't find any substitue for f*ck, sh*t, a**hole, etc that express the same amount of emotion.


Doozie said...

I don't get it

Jaina said...

Oh Bee, you crack me up.

... Paige said...

You sure did use some big ol’ college words “duplicitous” among others I can’t spell. Of course I resemble one of those organic speakers you spoke of so fluently. But one, perhaps wrongly, thinks all this language of Organically speaking may be a new catch phrase to up the ranking on google and or other search engines. Mayhaps so mayhaps no.

Maybe it’s just a bunch of potty mouths trying to get their heads out of the place the sun doesn’t shine, or could be they don’t’ $hit from shinola… I could go on but why bother, you stopped reading this comment long ago

You are such a smarty pants

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe