Speaking Manure

As a self proclaimed 'greenie', I do my best to live as the hipsters say, "consciously". Not the garden variety of staying awake after a booze bender type of conscious. It's drooling over front-load washers variety of greenie, wannabe hybrid-driving, growing my own organic basil and rosemary, and buying tree bark toilet paper. I feel pride breaking down cardboard, sorting my glass, and squashing my aluminum cans. I even recycle paint thinner and leftover iodine from my back porch meth lab.

Just kidding. I only make meth on the front porch.

I know you can feel nothing but admiration and awe, but don't nominate me for Greenie of the Year just yet. I still prefer plastic at the grocery because I'm too cheap to buy small garbage bags. Think about all those scented garbage liners I'm saving from a landfill. Baby diapers and bricks of fruitcake will have to live in eternity by themselves. BUT, the good news is that greenies across the globe can chalk up another item to be green about: Conversation. Organic Conversation.

It was the word "organic" that tickled my ears. I was tuning in to the radio the other day, between rocking out and talk radio boredom, my ears perked up when a DJ started whining about regulations. She complained of the injustice of daytime television censuring. She also mentioned her pasty-white tan which shows you the level of genius I endured.

Off topic, can you really have a pasty-white tan? Do they have florescent lighting beds to zap you of all color? Cubicle lighting is known to zap natural glow. Like bleaching skin with way less chemical burns.

Back to our brilliant shock jock, further commenting on how regulations should be changed to allow people to "speak organically". Have you heard of this phrase before? "Speaking organically"

Like manure?

Who wants to hear verbal diarrhea on TV and radio? I could just as easily get my fill on my 5 year old's school bus without passing additional laws to hear someone say 'shit' on the radio. But let's work with the moronic idea of speaking organically.


If ever there was a socially acceptable time to speak organically, couldn't we also deem the practice as "verbally lazy" or simply showing little "communicative respect"?

The bright side is organic speakers could use sex references to finally open up dialog with their otherwise clandestine teen. Green speak would organically license of using God's name in a common way while justifying religious intolerance. Anyone swear by Buddha? Mohammad? The Pope? Organic speech makes this possible.

You've probably heard the proclamation, "that's so g a y!' referencing something lame or stupid. Immediately, the complainer is labeled as homophobic. Although, the same person can take God's name and use it in a common and irreverent way. Aren't they both equally disrespectful? (spoiler: YES)

Swearing, as opposed to bad language, goes against my nature, my upbringing, and my idea of what it is to be an intelligent conversationalist. Besides, "organic speaking" immediately reminds me of spouting manure. You have to admit, there is nothing as organic as manure.

The idea of TV and radio censure boils down to protecting young minds, respectful speech, and myriad beliefs. I hope we never lose sight of why, as a society, we censure radio and TV. I never want to embrace "speaking organically" because that's a load of crap.

~Bee will also continue to buy non-green, two-ply toilet paper.
Listening to: Mr Brightside by The Killers